Voss watched Aqua circling Tom and Jerry with way too much energy, and his thoughts drifted to Kazuma—the poor sucker who'd been scammed harder than anyone by this so-called goddess. So, he decided to test something.
"Aqua," Voss said as he slowly stood up. "Do you know a Japanese guy named Satou Kazuma?"
"Kazuma?" Aqua froze, then suddenly burst into uncontrollable laughter.
"Pffft—hahahahahaha!!" She doubled over, clutching her stomach, tears streaming down her face.
"Are you talking about that kid whose death was so ridiculously funny?! Hahaha!"
The sudden outburst startled Tom and Jerry. Both darted behind the sofa like they were dodging an explosion.
"Funny? His death was funny?" Voss's eyelid twitched. Poor Kazuma…
"Of course it was!" Aqua wiped her eyes, trying to breathe through her laughter. "I've guided thousands of souls, but his was comedy gold!"
She straightened up, adopting a storyteller's pose.
"So this Kazuma was your classic shut-in gamer. One day, he goes out to buy some limited-edition release, and on the way home he sees a girl about to get run over by a speeding truck."
Aqua couldn't hold it in and snorted again. "So he charges in like a wannabe hero, shoves her out of the way—"
"That actually sounds pretty noble," Voss said, trying to give Kazuma a little credit. After all, Aqua had already ruined his life in another world. Without her, the guy could've probably wrapped things up in a month.
"Noble? Please." Aqua howled.
"Do you know what that 'speeding truck' was? A slow-moving tractor! It wasn't even close to hitting her. The girl would've been fine!"
Voss pinched the bridge of his nose. Why did this story sound so depressingly familiar?
"And the best part!" Aqua slapped her knee. "That idiot thought he was gonna die, so he panicked and—" She made a dramatic pause. "—peed himself! Then just fainted right there! Hahahahaha!"
Tom and Jerry, now peeking from behind the sofa, couldn't help themselves. Jerry was rolling, and Tom smacked the floor with his paw.
"Wait, wait, it gets even better!" Aqua waved them down. "They rushed him to the hospital, but the doctors and nurses burst out laughing when they heard how he 'died'! And then—get this—he literally died of shame. Cardiac arrest, just like that!"
Voss stared at her, horrified.
"He… he died while everyone was laughing at him?"
"Yup!" Aqua wheezed. "Funniest thing I've ever seen! His face when I told him was priceless—shock, despair, rage, collapse—it was more dramatic than any stage actor could pull off!"
"And then?" Voss asked.
"I was about to keep mocking him, but before I could, I got yanked here." Aqua sighed dramatically. "Such a waste. I had so many more jokes lined up."
Voss closed his eyes and silently lit a candle for Kazuma in his heart. Being mocked by Aqua once was hell enough—having her around 24/7? That was psychological torture.
Kazuma, you should thank me. I saved you from her… but why did the system have to dump her on me instead?
Meanwhile, somewhere in the void, Kazuma was stomping around furiously:
"Where is she?! Where the hell did that useless goddess go? I was just about to make her pay me back! How am I supposed to reincarnate now?! Hey! Is anyone even listening—?!"
…
Back in the room, Aqua suddenly turned serious. "But wait—how do you know Kazuma? Do you two know each other?"
"No," Voss said quickly, shaking his head. "Just heard of him, that's all."
"Ohhh, I see." Aqua nodded, then looked around again. "Alright then, how do I get back? Chop-chop."
Voss rubbed his temples. A headache was forming already. So this is what Kazuma dealt with every day? No wonder he looked half-dead all the time.
"You can't go back," Voss said flatly. "You were summoned. Unless I die, you're stuck here."
"What?!" Aqua's eyes went wide. "Impossible! I have worshippers waiting for me! What will the heavens do without me?!"
She plopped onto the floor, hugging her knees like a sulky child. "I want to go home! This place is dirty and smelly! How can a goddess live like this?!"
Tom rolled his eyes. She was louder than Jerry during one of his crying fits.
Jerry, on the other hand, was curious. He scurried closer, poked Aqua's arm with his tiny paw.
"Oh! You're adorable!" Aqua's mood flipped instantly. She scooped him up. "Little mouse, what's your name?"
Jerry pointed to himself, then traced "J-E-R-R-Y" in the air.
"Jerry? That's perfect!" Aqua hugged him and spun in a circle. "And what about the cat?"
Tom hopped onto the sofa, flopped down, and covered his face with his tail. Translation: I'm not talking to you.
"His name's Tom," Voss said with a sigh. "He's just aloof. Don't take it personally."
"Fine. But listen up!" Voss's voice hardened. "I'm Voss Nibba. And if you want to live here without everything collapsing, you follow my rules."
"Rules?" Aqua planted her hands on her hips. "Excuse you, I'm a goddess. Why would I listen to some mortal?"
Voss inhaled deeply, counting to three before answering. "Because this is my house, you're broke, and this world is dangerous. If you don't listen, you're gonna end up dead."
"Die? Me? Hah!" Aqua scoffed. "I'm the Goddess of Water. I've got divine magic. No one can touch me."
Tom and Jerry exchanged a look. They didn't know what threats this world held, but if even Voss was this tense, it had to be serious.
"This world has heroes and villains way out of your league," Voss warned. "There's a giant green monster who smashes mountains when he's angry. And a purple alien who can erase half the universe with a snap."
"Hmph, sounds fake." Aqua waved dismissively. "I've fought demon lords before. Your little monsters can't scare me."
Voss felt his blood pressure spike. "Believe what you want. But while you're under my roof, you follow three rules. One: no magic unless I say so."
"What?!" Aqua gasped. "No magic? How else will people respect me?!"
"Two: don't go around telling people you're a goddess. Nobody here believes in gods. You'll just look insane."
"Insane?! How dare you!" Aqua stomped her foot.
"Three: don't cause trouble. I just got a stable life, and I'm not letting you ruin it."
Aqua's face flushed red with rage. She jabbed a finger at him. "You dare to order around a goddess?! Unforgivable!"
She raised her hands, blue light gathering at her palms. "Flood magic, heed my call! This goddess will show you true power!"
"Wait—what are you doing?!" Voss's face drained.
"I'm teaching you a lesson, mortal!" Aqua shouted, magic glowing brighter. "Kneel before the majesty of Aqua!"
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