Chapter 3: High School Years
By the time I got to high school, I already knew what it felt like to leave and come back, to lose people I cared about and then find them again. Moving around so much had given me a sense of instability, but also resilience.
I started high school determined to do better. I wanted to go to college one day, so I signed up for electives that prepared me for working in a daycare. I had high hopes and dreams of building something meaningful for myself. But despite my intentions, I quickly realized how hard it was to hold onto those goals. My grades slipped, and one by one, my plans seemed to crumble. My confidence was being taking one day at a time, I didn't realize I was losing my confidence. It all felt like a weight pushing me down and so suffocating I felt like dying. My mother had removed me away from my only place of stability and unconditional love. My grandparents were an hour away instead of minutes.
There was a clear difference in my life depending on where I lived. When I stayed with my stepsister, I managed to get straight A's. When I lived with my mom, my grades sank. That contrast showed just how much stability—or the lack of it—affected me. My mom worked so much she was hardly ever home. I also realized she had no control over me.
Spanish became one of my favorite subjects, though I struggled to stay on top of the homework. Math, however, was my biggest challenge. Pre-algebra left me frustrated, and I even asked the school to move me into a lower-level class. They sent me home with a note for my mom to sign, but she refused. Without that support, I kept on struggling, feeling like I was drowning in numbers I couldn't make sense of.
By 15, my life shifted again. I met a boyfriend who was six years older than me, and the relationship grew serious quickly. He needed a place to live and she was willing to help but that didn't stop us from breaking the rules she had set for us. Within six months, I was pregnant. My mom already knew when i went to tell her and she insisted that I get married, and I felt like I had no say in the matter. I tried to keep going to school for a while, but the pressure at home and the abuse that began creeping into the marriage made it nearly impossible. I did strive for success to finish.
We moved back to my hometown and it seemed to get better for a bit because we lived with my grandparents when our son was born. He would go to daycare and I would go to school. I went to another charter school that my best friend went to, but I realized that I got married way to soon in life. I made choices that were not the safest, and tried to leave my husband but then on Monday morning I went to school and he was there to pick up the peices and realized my wedding ring was gone. My husband at the time decided it was time for me to work instead of go to school, I had to get a job in the next town over for a bit till they let me go.