In my life, it has never been this complicated to read some simple letters, some simple dates. The wind is blowing my hair on the side and my tears by the same occasion. The sun is hitting on my skin, yet I can't feel his heat. It's those kind of days where the weather is clear, the sky blue, but the temperature is cold enough to make you mad on your first steps outside. I can't even make a good flame with my lighter because of all of this wind, because of this fucking stupid weather, stupid, stupid weather. Fuck, it should be beautiful today… just like the first day we met…, remember?
Flowers grew everywhere, small white lines of clouds coming through the sky, waves coming up slowly on the gold sand. The sun made your dark hair blonder and your freckles were more visible than ever. Your white oversized shirt moving in the wind like wings and your hat like a halo. We spent hours walking around the town with no destination in mind, hours talking, hours laughing and hours looking into each other's eyes. You were smiling so much that day, where did it go since? Where do I have to look, where do I have to dig to find it again? I miss it so much.
After a few months of floating around my mind, you arrived in my heart and lived in the entirety of it. It was finally full, I finally felt complete. Guess I didn't have the same effect on you. You, each day seemed worse than the one before. Slowly your loud voice became whispers and you started
spending more and more time just laying down, just… laying down…. Fucking laying down for the whole day. On the bed, on the couch, on the floor, outside the house and always some liquid next to you like in a hospital. If you like playing doctor this much, why are you always the patient? I don't trust these flu shots could you quit them please? Can't I be the remedy, the vaccine to your problems? Talk to me, shit talk to me, FUCKING ANSWER ME BITCH! WHAT YOU LOST YOUR FUCKING VOICE? OPEN YOUR EYES AND LOOK AT ME! I'M HERE FOR YOU! I'M RIGHT HERE!
But… you don't care… do you?
God, I hate this weather, it was cold enough earlier and it gets freezing once the lights disappear. Do you see all these stars? Some of them are dying as we watch them, but we appreciate it and the light they bring because we can celebrate their existence. They appear one day and live until they have to explode, until they have to die. Until then, they choose to live.
How can I celebrate your life, you didn't live, didn't choose too.
Gosh I feel so stupid, you know I wrote a thing on the way here, a way to imagine what our future could have been, honestly now I just find it fucking stupid. Here you go. I'd like to say my final goodbye, but we both know I'll be back tomorrow.
Hmmm,
maybe I don't want to live as well.
I admire you in a red sweater
and I contemplate you in a black vest
but my love became stronger and better
when I saw your figure in a white dress
family, friends, yet I can only see you
in the loud noise you can only hear me
smiles shining everywhere in the venue
some of the eyes even became teary
two years of golden paradise after
and she will discover her first one
dear daughter, look at this life with laughter
look at you mom, she isn't the worst one