The morning light was already filling the kitchen when I placed the empty cup in the sink. Cali had left earlier for work. I had cleaned the table and washed the plates, but I was not in the mood to do anything else. The air was warm, and the smell of the coffee was still in the room.
I was standing by the window when I noticed movement from the house across the street. My neighbors had a wide veranda that was visible from where I was standing. The curtains in their living room were open, and the sliding glass door was left halfway. I thought they were careless, but then I realized they wanted to be seen.
The man was on the veranda with his wife. They were not dressed fully, and I froze when I saw them pressed against each other. His bare chest was firm against her body, and her thin shirt was slipping off one shoulder. I knew I should have turned away, but I did not. My eyes were fixed on them, and my chest was starting to tighten.
The man's body was tall and strong, and his wife was clinging to him with her hands on his shoulders. Her head was tilted back, and her mouth was open as he held her by the waist. Their bodies were moving against each other in a rhythm that left no doubt about what they were doing.
My breath was unsteady as I stepped back, but my eyes were still watching. The sound of her moan was reaching across the street, and my face was heating up. My chest was rising quickly, and my hands were gripping the counter as my pulse was speeding up. I knew I should have walked away, but I did not.
Then the man's head was turning. His eyes were dark, and he was looking directly at me. My body froze when I realized he knew I was there. He did not stop, and neither did his wife. His gaze was steady, and I felt a rush of heat spread through me.
I could not move. His expression was not shame, and it was not surprise. It was as if he wanted me to stay and watch him. My legs were weak, and I pressed them together as warmth spread between them. My cheeks were hot, and I held the curtain to steady myself.
The more he looked, the more I felt exposed, even though I was fully dressed and standing in my own kitchen. My nipples were hard under my thin shirt, and I felt the pressure in my body grow stronger. I wanted to be angry at him, but I was not. What I felt was hunger, and it made me shake.
When his wife cried out louder, I pulled away from the window. My hands were trembling as I moved quickly toward the stairs. My feet were rushing me up, and I closed my bedroom door harder than I meant to. I leaned against it, pressing my palm to my chest as if that would slow my heartbeat.
I could still see his face in my head, the way his eyes were holding mine while he was inside his wife. I could still hear her voice as she clung to him. I had never thought I would be jealous of another woman in such a way, but I was. I was jealous of how he held her, how he looked strong, and how she gave herself to him without fear of being seen.
I sat on the bed, and my thighs were pressed together tightly. I closed my eyes, and the heat in my body was sharp. I laid back slowly, pressing my face against the pillow to muffle my breathing. My hand was sliding over my stomach, and I could not stop it.
I was ashamed, but I was also desperate. The way he had looked at me was making me feel like he had touched me himself. My breath was heavy as my hand moved lower, and I shifted against the sheets. I kept thinking of his eyes, of how he was not looking away even as he was taking his wife.
My body was trembling as the pressure built inside me, and I gripped the pillow tightly. My mouth was open, and my breath was fast and rough as I gave in to what I was feeling. The release came in waves, and I arched against the mattress as I let go.
I stayed there, breathing hard, and my skin was damp with sweat. My eyes opened slowly, and I stared at the ceiling. Shame was there, but so was relief. I had never reacted like that before, not even with Cali. I felt as if I had crossed a line I could not take back.
I rolled to my side and pulled the blanket over myself even though I was still dressed. My heart was still racing, and my body was weak. I wanted to forget what I had done, but I knew I would not. The image of him on the veranda was in my mind clearly.
I wondered what it meant that I wanted him even though I barely knew him. I wondered why Cali was never looking at me the way that man did, as if I was the only one he saw. The questions were filling my head until my eyes were heavy, but the heat in my body was still there as I drifted into a restless sleep.