As Maxine run through the woods to the hill, I let the crisp evening air breeze through me. I felt so much lighter and my mind clearer.
Jeremiah Kingsley, I mused, one of the few men who knew how to sweep me off my feet.
He stood up for you, and all you did was pushed him away, Maxine scolded me.
I did like him. I did sleep with him a few times in the past year. He made me feel seen, just as I am — no ties, no duties, nothing else from the past mattered.
The way his smile made my day brighter.
The way he memorized my coffee order by heart.
The way he brought me to places I had never been.
The way he laughed at my silly jokes.
The way he twisted his cigarettes while deep in thoughts.
The way he helped me out without asking too many questions.
The way he kissed me made my stomach churned.
The way he caressed my hair and tucked a strand behind my ears.
The way his gaze seemed to calm my nerves.
The way he showered me with attention made me feel so easily loved.
If only I could love him back just as easily.
Realizing how much memories we made together in the past year made my heart clenched. His flamboyant clothes, his scent, his soft blond hair sticking out in lazy curls... Oh, God, if only he were my fated mate.
Yet here I was, chained by my own making.
Jeremiah was everything opposite of Kaid. He was gentle and kind.
One day, I was feeling gloomy when I found out about my twin brother. Jerry took me to a small beach town, and rented a little hut. We did nothing but listened to the waves. He hugged me without saying anything. He swayed with me, nose to nose, cheek to cheek, until I felt better. He kissed me slowly, covering every inch of my body. He made love to me so carefully until my emotions shattered in waves and ripples.
I felt guilty because I was practically basking in his warmth. I loved who I was when I was with him. Someone who laughed easily. Someone who could enjoy all the little things.
He told me countless times how much I meant to him. How precious I was to him. How much he loved me. But when he asked me to open up and let him in, I flinched. I couldn't give him what he wanted. I rejected him. I broke his heart.
And here he was tonight, standing up for me. While I just stood there like a dummy.
I knew how lonely it was to love someone who never loved you back - and I did exactly that to Jeremiah.
-----
Some time later, I arrived at a small cottage on the hill. I usually came here to gather my thoughts. I kept a change of clothes just in case.
I was half expecting Jerry to welcome me into his warm embrace — he knew where I usually went when I got overwhelmed. But when I opened the front door, I saw Kaid instead, sitting on the sofa, waiting for me. I gasped.
"There you are. Figured you would come here after a night run. I brought you clothes," Kaid handed me neatly folded clothes.
My mouth opened and closed but no words came out.
"You were not expecting me here," Kaid stated the obvious.
"Oh, yeah. How did you find me?" I asked nonchalantly. I quickly changed into the clothes he brought.
Kaid paced around, not wanting to answer me. "Are you feeling any better?" Kaid asked instead.
"Yes, I felt better," I answered, "Are you here to fetch me?"
"Yes, and to apologize for my behavior," Kaid spoke slowly, "I care about you more than meets the eye, my Lady."
Kaid avoided my eyes, feeling uneasy for saying something sentimental.
"Then, show me. Show me that I am not a fool for trusting you with my heart," my voice hoarse, betraying me.
"I...I'm afraid I would end up hurting you.." Kaid stuttered.
"I am scared too, Kaid. Scared that I wouldn't be strong enough to guard my heart. Scared that I would crumble when you leave me for your fated mate," my tears welled up. "Oh, for God's sake, so much for clearing my head."
Seeing Kaid fell silent, I stopped holding back, "Enough being overbearing and tough around me. You are not showing weakness if you show you care, Kaid. I don't know who I am to you if you don't show me!"
"I will be here as long as you need me, Kaid. I just don't know if you still want me. We can go back to being political companion if that's what we both want." Somehow it felt so liberating to speak my mind. Those words had simmered in my mind for one whole year.
"I keep falling short when it comes to conveying how I feel, Trinity," Kaid finally replied. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small leather box. Kaid opened the box, showing a promise ring adorned with a tear-shaped rose quartz. "Happy Birthday, Lady Trinity. I meant to give this to you after dinner, right before your private investigator barged in."
Kaid reached out for my left hand, and put the promise ring on my middle finger. "I promise to cherish you, my Lady. I will show you how much I care about you." He held my hand and looked deep into my eyes.
I blinked, unable to answer him. I wanted to protest that we were not supposed to promise each other anything, but Maxine made me hear him out.
"I will open up to you, and I hope you would open up to me too," Kaid continued looking into my eyes, "I will be here as long as you need me, and I will love you as freely as if today is the last day. If you let me." He repeated our commitment from back in the day.
"You will have to win me first," I softly replied.
Kaid laughed and he finally embraced me. His scent and warmth wrapped around me. "Feisty, just the way I liked it."
I hugged him back. Hoping I chose him well.