I accidentally released an incomplete version of this chapter on Wattpad yesterday (whoops!) and didn't realize it. If you read the initial version, I'd still give this one a read, since the ending is... quite different. Here's the full version:
You sit up on your bed, feeling the mattress springs compress underneath you. You pull your laptop onto your lap and mentally work through the list of what you would have to do.
Alright. First, address the public.
You had typed out what you wanted to say on the car ride home, and you read it over twice before finally posting it.
Normally, I'd be scared right now... but the girls convinced me that there's nothing to worry about. This doesn't change anything.
Next... Leena.
You finally type back an email response, asking if she would be interested in going out for a coffee.
And finally... Celine. I'm a little worried about her. She said it wasn't anything too important, but I don't know if I believe her.
You pull out your phone, scrolling through your contacts until you find her.
Hey celine
I'm not sure if you're home yet, but if you are, do you want to hang out?
You prepare to close your phone, but she messages back almost instantly.
yes please!!!
we're just a few minutes away, so ill just have them drop me off at your place
Cool!
See you soon!
She sends a kissy face emoji, and you smile contently, closing your laptop and stretching as you stand up.
I'll check on the world later.
...
You smile as Celine throws her arms around you, burying her head into your chest as her warm body melts into you.
"Celine! You're hugging me as if we haven't seen each other in a year!" You exclaim.
She mumbles something into your shirt, and you adore how cute she looks.
Pulling away, she repeats herself. "Sorry, I just really wanted to hang out with you. Alone..."
You invite her in, and she waves to Imane as she follows you up to your room.
You pick your phone up off of your desk and begin to slip it into your pocket, but freeze as you see a notification.
A missed call... from Kimi.
Hmm. I guess I'll deal with that later.
She collapses onto your bed, and her eyes flutter as she fights off her exhaustion.
"Still tired, huh?"
"Yeah..." she groggily replies. "But... I thought we should talk about... it," she cryptically replies.
You lay down next to her, and she instantly reaches over to cuddle you, wrapping an arm and leg around your body.
"I feel like I'm making a big deal out of nothing..." She quietly says.
"Hey, it's ok," you say, rubbing her shoulder. "Just let it out. Let me know what's on your mind."
"...do you think I'm too soft?" She says.
"Too soft?"
"Yeah. Not assertive enough. Too much of a pushover..." She sighs, making it clear what she was thinking.
You turn to your side and look at her.
"Do you think you are?"
"...Yeah."
"Why?"
"Sometimes people ask me to do things for them, and I'm always happy to! I love helping people when they have problems. It's just that... a few friends of mine have started telling me that I'm being taken advantage of. That I... don't know how to say no."
"Do you think that's true? Can you say no?" You ask.
"I mean, I think so. I've just never had to, right? Because I like helping people," she tries to reaffirm herself.
"Alright, let's think about that. Has there ever been a time where you didn't want to do something, but you did it because someone asked you to?"
She ponders for a second, then a thought flashes in her head.
"I mean... I've played horror games with my friends even though I usually don't like them..."
"What if they asked you to play a game that was too scary for you? Would you say no?"
"I..." She bites her lip and squeezes you closer. "...probably wouldn't."
"Why not?"
"Because... they asked me to! They thought of me and cared enough to ask, so... I should, right...?"
She starts to doubt herself as she sees your expression.
"I... shouldn't?"
You slowly shake your head, making her crinkle her forehead in thought. She eventually sighs and lays her head on your shoulder.
"Hmm, I guess..." She lets out, not fully convinced.
"Celine, you care a lot about your friends. And about everyone, really. But it's important to make sure you tell people when you don't want to do something. And if they push you to do it, sometimes it's just playful, but sometimes you have to put your foot down."
She listens closely, occasionally brushing her nose into your shirt as she nods.
"...if only I could be like you..." She sighs.
"Me?!?" You gasp.
"Yeah! You're so... self-assured, you know? You seem a lot better at this than me..."
"Well, you have a point. I am pretty great."
She smirks and gently slaps your shoulder. You both giggle, lightening the mood.
"If you want, we can work on this together. I'll keep helping you come up with strategies to be more assertive, and you go and try them out. I'm sure you can get better at it with time."
She gratefully nods, accepting your plan.
"Maybe I should start by rejecting a plan I was about to make..."
"Oh? What was it?"
"Some friends wanted to go to an amusement park full of rollercoasters. But I..."
"Hate rollercoasters?" You finish.
"Yeah. But now I'm gonna tell them that I won't come, or at least that I won't go on any rollercoasters."
You nod approvingly as she takes her phone out and, in a burst of confidence, types out her words.
She presses send, and then immediately comes down from her confident peak and purses her lips in agony.
"Oh nononono, they probably hate me now..." She whines, throwing herself into your arms again.
You pat her head, reassuring her until her cheeks returned to a normal color.
"Wow. This is hard." she sighs.
"It is. But we'll go through it together."
...
You look around at the bustling cafe, taking in the sharp scent of coffee. The bell attached to the entry door rings once more as someone walks in.
"Would you like to order, sir?" A young waitress asks.
"Oh, not yet. I'm waiting for someone."
"Oh, ok..."
She smiles politely and moves away, but not before you notice a conflicted expression on her face. She surreptitiously looks back at you a few times, and eventually sneaks back in your direction.
"...sir?" She whispers.
"Hmm?"
"I'm so sorry to bother you, but..." She lowers her voice even further, making the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. "Could I... have an autograph?"
You nod, and her exhilarated face makes you smile.
She scrambles for a cap she had tucked away somewhere and hands you her pen, and you carefully sign it. She takes it back from you and clutches it to her chest, grinning ear to ear.
"Thank you, sir."
"Of course."
She walks away with a pep in her step, and you feel a slight smile come to your face.
The door opens once more, and an unexpected face walks in. Kimi's eyes widen as soon as she sees you, and she gulps nervously.
You stand up and approach her, but she quickly walks to the front counter to order her coffee.
"Kimi..."
You look around, and her face displays an expression you'd never seen before.
She somehow looked enraged, depressed, and simultaneously terrified to a degree beyond what you had experienced from her, all while looking away from you and ignoring your words.
What could be going on in her mind?
Deciding not to push it, you cautiously say, "I'll be sitting down over there if you want to chat."
Leaving her evident swirl of emotions alone, you take a seat. She quickly receives her order and promptly walks out without a second glance.
As strange as the sight was, your thoughts quickly return to the person you were still waiting for.
Hmm. Is she running late?
You check your phone, and your brows furrow as you read her message.
I'm so sorry but I'm gonna be really late
Work ran super late and I'm just about to get home
Sorry :(
No worries leena!
How much extra time do you have?
Honestly, not much
I have a meeting pretty soon afterward
Oh no!
Maybe we'll have to reschedule
Actually, I could come to your home and meet you there
If you're comfortable with that
I could get there pretty quickly
omg yes pls that would be amazing
thank youuuu
She sends you her address, and you quickly get in your car and start zipping down the highway, hoping to make it in good time.
Your phone vibrates in repetition in your pocket, and you don't dare look at it.
I'm going too fast to risk that. I'll call them back later.
...
You check your watch as you walk up the porch steps.
We'll have to do this quickly.
You ring the doorbell, and you hear a pair of feet shuffling around, and getting louder by the second.
The door opens, and Leena's flustered, unprepared face greets you. Her body was wrapped up in a robe, completing her unruly appearance.
"Oh! I... didn't expect you here so soon..." She embarrassingly lets out. "I'm sorry I look like this."
"Sorry. I just wanted to make sure we had enough time."
She agrees and quickly lets you in, remembering that you were in a hurry.
"So..." She says, beckoning for you to sit down. Her robe splits opens a little as she sits down, revealing her cleavage held up by a black bra.
"I'm not gonna beat around the bush. I... want to be your manager."
"My manager?"
"Your personal manager."
"Don't you already manage OTV?"
"Yes, but you need a manager too. I'm surprised you've gotten this far without one."
She has a point...
"Are you sure you can handle adding more to your plate? I'm sure you're a pretty busy person."
"I'm sure. I'm not exactly inexperienced with this stuff, you know."
"Ok... so what exactly would you do?"
"Everything that doesn't require your presence. Sponsorship deals, business opportunities, merch, you name it. "
"I see. And... why? Why me?"
"Because I see potential in you, and I want to see you succeed."
She shifts again, and her robe straps fall open, revealing her smooth chest, slender legs, and matching black underwear.
You gulp, unsure if you should tell her or not. But she catches onto your flustered expression quickly, and she looks down and gasps, immediately covering herself up.
"Shit, I'm sorry. Listen, um... sleep on it and text me. You probably have to go now, so bye!"
She runs upstairs, panicking and embarrassed.
Hm... a manager, huh? Maybe I'll take her up on that...
You take your leave, yelling out a goodbye before closing the door behind you.
...
Alright! Now the rest of the day is free for me to do whatever I want.
Maybe I should call someone else to hang out.
You rack your brain before finally thinking of someone you hadn't spent time with in far too long.
You quickly find her contact, then hold the phone up to your ear as you ring her.
She picks up after the second ring.
"Hey Kyedae, do you want to-"
"I'm streaming!" She blurts out.
"Oh... can they hear me?" You ask as you reach one hand over to open up her stream.
"...not anymore," she says, and you see that she muted her mic.
"Oh... Well, I don't want to distract you from your stream. I'll just ask you some other time," you dismissively reply.
"Wait, what was it?" She asks, curious.
"I just wanted to ask you to hang out. I feel like we haven't been together since... we decided to be together," you say.
"Of course! I'll end my stream right now!"
"Woah, woah, what? No, you can finish your-"
"Oh, don't worry, I was almost done anyway. Do you want to come to my place?"
"Wow... alright! Yeah, I'll be there soon."
You can see her smile widely on your computer screen, and she quickly unmutes and wraps up her stream.
...
"I'm so happy people aren't getting too mad over your polyamory," she says as she welcomes you inside with a kiss on the cheek.
"Oh, they aren't? Well, that's good. I've kinda been staying away from all that ever since I made my post," you reply as you kick your shoes off.
She nods in understanding. "I was freaking out all of yesterday..."
"Aw, I'm sorry..." You sigh, knowing that she wasn't the only one.
"But it's ok now!"
She guides you up to her room, and you settle down on her bed beside her.
"So, why'd you call?" She asks.
"I just missed your cute little face," you instantly reply, making her roll her eyes.
"Uh huh. And I'm the Queen of England."
"Well, you're certainly my queen..."
"Oh, fuck off! Do you just have a list of these?!?"
You giggle, and she shakes her head as she grins.
"So?" She eventually asks. "Why did you call me?"
"...I mean, I wasn't lying. I did miss you."
"Yeah, I know, but... there had to be something, right? What made you think of me?"
"Hmm... I don't know. I just felt like we haven't hung out much, and I wanted to see you again," you casually reply.
"..."
"Kyedae? You ok?" You ask, leaning over as her face becomes contemplative.
"Do you feel stressed about that?" She finally asks. "About... having so many girls to keep track of?"
"Yeah," you slowly exhale, showing her how much you'd thought about the matter. "It's a lot to handle."
"...that's it?" She asks expectantly.
You look at her inquisitively.
"Where's the 'But it's all worth it in the end' speech? I would've expected that from you," she jokes.
"Honestly... I don't know if it's all worth it."
She freezes. Her gaze becomes one of clear concern as she places her hand on your shoulder.
"You... don't?" She timidly asks.
"I don't know. It's just... I think I've bitten off more than I can chew. And every one of the girls I talk to seems alright with being one of many, so I don't know if I can shorten the list. But I don't want to stretch myself too thin, either."
She caresses your face and rubs your cheeks with her fingers. Her cool skin is refreshing on your heated face, and you let her gently hold you.
"I think I get what you mean. I can't imagine what it's like, caring for all of them, but not being able to see all of them regularly. You always have to split your time."
"Yeah..."
"But, um... I don't want to cause you any more stress than you're already feeling, but it might be worth considering: What do you plan on doing long-term?"
"Long... term," you slowly say, as if considering it for the first time.
"Yeah. Do you plan on... marrying all of them? Having dozens of kids? What does your future look like?"
"I... I don't know. I certainly don't want this long-term. Constantly bouncing around from person to person. I want... to settle down one day. I always imagined myself settling down with the girl of my dreams, but I'm ok with it being the girls of my dreams. But only a few. I don't think I can take much more."
"So..." She encouragingly says, guiding you along.
"So... that means at some point, I'll have to end things with many of them. And... choose a few," you carefully utter.
She lifts your head, and she nearly tears up at the downcast look in your eyes.
"Hey, listen... it won't be easy. Ending a relationship never is. But it's something you need to do. And, as much as I hate to say this... maybe you should start soon. Before you get too invested in some of the girls you know you should let go of."
"The girls I... should let go of?"
"Yeah..."
You notice the flicker of agony that flashes across her face and perk your head up to listen as an unsettling feeling rises in your chest.
"Like me," she whispers, almost hoping you wouldn't hear.
"Kyedae!" You burst out.
"I'm sorry! I just... I'm not special! I shouldn't be in your top few, and you know that!" She cries.
"Kyedae..."
"I... I know that's not what you want to hear. But... it's true, you know," she slowly lets out.
You bury your head in your hands, unable to look her in the eyes.
She comes up to you and hugs you while spreading her legs around you to cuddle you close. You softly lean into her awaiting arms.
"Kyedae, I... I don't want to let you go... especially not after you left your boyfriend for me..."
"Don't think about it that way. Being with you made me realize that... maybe he wasn't right for me. And it's ok if you leave me. I'll understand, really."
"..."
"..."
"...why can't you be mad at me?" You whisper.
"...what?"
"Why can't you tell me I'm a prick, or that I don't deserve you? Why do you have to... be so nice?"
She smiles. "Do you want me to apologize for being nice?"
You shake your head.
"Listen. You don't have to do or say anything right away. You have plenty of time to think on it."
You nod, but her words do little to comfort you.
She picks your head up, but you still can't look into her soulful eyes.
She lifts your chin and brings your face toward hers, placing her lips on yours with a soft motion. You sigh as your lips graze hers, and you let her slowly kiss you.
She pulls away, seeing that you still carried a downtrodden expression.
"Hey... can we do something?"
You consider it and eventually nod yes, then look up at her.
"OH!" You exclaim as you see her strip her shirt off, revealing her nicely sized breasts packaged by a tight-fitting bra.
"Kyedae, I don't-"
"Shh." She places her finger on your lips. "I don't want us to do this just to distract you. I want... to feel you. And I want you to feel me. To really feel me. The last time we did it, there was so much tension in the room, and I was so conflicted about my emotions."
Your phone rings again, and you immediately put it on silent mode.
"Now... I want to do it again, but properly. Intimately. Especially if... it might be one of the last times we get to," she finishes.
You grimace at her final sentence but agree nonetheless.
You slowly strip off each article of clothing with none of the excitement you were used to feeling. Instead, it was replaced by a sense of dread.
What if this really is the last time?
Kyedae lays on her back and spreads her legs, and you slowly approach. Your mind is still active and thinking about your previous conversation, but you gently push those thoughts away as you approach her.
You get on top of her and lean down for a gentle kiss, which she returns. Her fingers delicately trace circles around your jaw, and you let your hands explore her skin, committing every inch of her body to your memory.
"Remember. Take it slow," she whispers, and you nod. Reaching a hand down, she gently begins stroking your cock, making a long, smooth motion from the base to the tip and down again.
Your kisses remain soft and gentle, and you keep your weight up on your arms.
You pull away and look Kyedae deeply in the eyes, returning her emotional gaze. She senses how unsure you are, and smiles affirmatively to try and help you through it. Her gentle neck kisses warm your heart, and you let her continue stroking you.
"You ready?" She asks.
You nod, and she aligns you with her entrance. You push in, and she sharply inhales, squeezing her eyes shut as you expand her insides.
After giving her a minute to adjust, she nods to you, and you gently begin pulsing in and out. You get into a smooth rhythm, and both of you gently sway back and forth as your faces rest mere inches apart.
"Thank you," you whisper into the intimate space, as you continue with your soft pace.
"For what?"
"For helping me through this. I don't know what will become of us eventually, but... I'm glad you're here with me, now. And..." You blush as you look down at both of your bodies. "... for this, too."
She grins as her arms wrap around your neck.
"I should be thanking you. You've taught me a lot about what I want. And, of course... the sex is great."
You both snicker, almost forgetting what the lower halves of your bodies were doing.
You keep up your tender motion, allowing both of you to experience each other without being immediately overwhelmed by pleasure.
She gently pushes you up, and you lay on your back while she gets on top. Slowly lowering herself once more, she resumes where you left off with a gentle motion, slowly grinding her hips as you drink in the view before you.
Her hands slide down your chest as she feels every ripple and muscle in your body's structure. You glide your fingers over her smooth curves, feeling how her back arched and shifted every time she planted herself down on your cock.
Your hands make their way to her breasts, and you softly stroke them, careful not to be too hard.
"You're good at this," she observes. "At being... soft. Gentle. I like it."
"It's... strangely calming. I'm not used to having such a peaceful time during sex."
She nods, understanding what you meant. Placing her hands on your legs, she slightly increases the pace, providing you with a boost of pleasure as you feel her warm insides accept you.
Your bodies sway like a ship caressing the ocean waves, and your hands gently roam over each other's bodies as you admire each other's figures.
She leans forward, sliding her hands up to your neck as she locks your lips in a gentle kiss.
Her hips continue gyrating, and your hand gently grips her ass and kneads the soft flesh. Her meaty thighs grip your sides for support, and she softly moans as you run your fingers up her back, almost tickling her from the delicate sensation.
"I think I'm getting close," she whispers. "Sorry..."
"Don't be sorry... let it happen. I'll try to match you," you earnestly reply.
She nods and puts more force into her strong hips as she grinds on you. Her breathing starts to become slightly labored.
"...oh, yes..." She groans out, the pleasure now building up inside her.
You feel yourself getting close too, as you experience the warm, soft sensation of her walls clamping around you.
"I feel you..." She whispers. "I'm almost there..."
Making sure not to break the methodical pace, you try to thrust your hips up to meet hers, and both of you squeeze your muscles as you reach the brink.
Your lips collide in a final burst of emotion as you both release yourself into each other. Both of you stop moving and feel each other's juices flowing out as a calm wave of euphoria overtakes you.
You stare into Kyedae's eyes, seeing the whirlwind of passion and emotion written plainly in them. She finally recovers and sits up, slowly getting off of you and laying down beside you.
"How was that?" She quietly asks, maintaining the intimate setting as she rests her face on her pillow a few inches away from yours.
"...amazing. I've never felt something like that before."
"I'm glad. You have no idea how much that meant to me, too."
You slowly reach out, and softly run your finger on her forehead, over her cheekbones, and down to her neck.
She shivers as you accidentally tickle her, and you pull back with an apologetic smile.
"Do you want to go to sleep?" She asks.
"It's too early for bedtime, isn't it?"
"I know, but... do you want to, anyway? Just so we don't have to get up?" She almost pleads.
Without hesitation, you nod affirmatively. You get ready to pull her into your chest, but she counters you and pulls you into hers instead.
"Let me hold you this time, baby. Let Mommy hold you tight."
You look up and raise an eyebrow, making her giggle.
"Come on, I know you like it. Just let it happen..." Her voice trails off as your warmth seeps into her.
You lay in her arms, letting her body act as a soft blanket around you as you close your eyes.
...
Is he asleep?
Kyedae slowly whispers your name, and you don't respond.
"Good..." She slowly says, exhaling a long sigh.
"...I'll miss you," she says, speaking her ailments into the empty air, knowing they wouldn't reach your ears. "I'll miss you so much. But... we have to do this. I won't let us keep being together. As comfortable as this is, as amazing as I feel... we both have to move on at some point. We have our whole lives ahead of us."
She runs her fingers gently through your hair, sighing as she smells the faint, lingering scent of your shampoo.
"Not today. Today, you're mine." She nuzzles her nose into the back of your neck.
"But one day..."
...
You wake up drenched in a cold sweat by the blaring sound of an ambulance driving across the street. The sound quickly fades as the vehicle skids off into the distance.
Why do I feel so... so... Where's Kyedae?
Disoriented, you stumble around her bedroom in the dark until you find your phone.
You don't see anything from her, but you finally notice the 3 missed calls you had gotten the previous day, as well as 5 more overnight, all from... Kimi.
She didn't want to talk in the coffee shop, but she called me so many times both before and after? Why?
You open the text that came from her soon after her final call, just around an hour ago.
im sorry i couldnt talk to you in the cafe
i just didnt know if i could say what i needed to in person
i tried calling you so many times
but you didnt want to talk
and I can't blame you for that
because i know im such an awful person
im so so so sorry for everything ive done
so i have to do this now
i swear im not doing this for attention
i dont want to manipulate you any more than i have
i just want to tell you the truth
this is what everyone wants
even if you dont know it
this is the best outcome for all of us
you can finally be at peace
i love you, and im sorry
bye