"You should've noticed it by now." Kakashi's lazy drawl carried through the trees, but the sly grin under his mask made it sound more like a threat.
Up ahead, Sasuke froze mid-leap between branches. He'd been searching for the perfect ambush spot—until a familiar voice cut through the forest.
"That… was that Sakura?" His brows furrowed. The cry was high-pitched, twisted, almost like she'd stumbled into a horror movie instead of training.
The clear chime of a bell followed. Kakashi leaned against a trunk like he had all day to waste, flipping a page in his book. "Ninja Tactics, Part Two: Illusion. Classic stuff."
He chuckled. "Didn't think Sakura would fall for it that fast."
Sasuke grit his teeth. He knew the mechanics: if you stopped too suddenly mid-run, your breathing slipped, chakra fluctuated, and skilled shinobi could track you in an instant. He was good, sure—but he wasn't that good. Compared to Kakashi, his chakra control still leaked like a broken faucet.
"It's an illusion," Sasuke muttered, calming himself. "Hallucination-type hypnosis. Of course she'd take the bait."
He'd already factored this in. Kakashi's speed was ridiculous—getting found was only a matter of time.
"But… I'm not like the others," Sasuke told himself, sharp eyes scanning Kakashi. "I just need one opening. I don't need to beat him. Just grab the bell."
"Talk big after you actually get one," Kakashi replied, one hand in his pocket, the other holding his book like this was a coffee break instead of a fight.
Sasuke didn't rise to the taunt. His hand hovered near his kunai pouch, waiting for the right moment. Kakashi's posture was full of fake openings—too full. Anyone with half a brain knew they were bait. But Kakashi wasn't even pretending to defend himself.
He really thought Sasuke wasn't worth the effort.
"Ah, this chapter's pretty good," Kakashi muttered, turning another page with suspiciously genuine interest.
Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "Now."
Twin shuriken spun through the air, crossing from two angles. Kakashi slid the book into his pouch—not to guard himself, but to protect his precious smut novel. He sidestepped neatly.
Thunk thunk thunk! The weapons nailed the trunk behind him.
"Straight attacks don't work on me." Kakashi didn't even glance back, voice dry.
Sasuke smirked. "Who said it was just straight attacks?"
A hidden wire snapped, releasing a trap above. More shuriken and kunai rained down toward Kakashi's escape path.
"Oh? A trap, huh?" Kakashi didn't panic. He'd seen worse in actual wars. "Cute, but…"
Crash! The tree behind him groaned from yet another hit.
If the tree could talk, it would've screamed: First you stomp all over me, now you fill me with knives? I'm an innocent bystander!
Its "brother tree" next to it would've added: Yeah, same here, man. At least collect the weapons when you're done.
Meanwhile, back at the shop…
"AAAAAH!" Naruto suddenly shot up from the tatami mat like a firework, smacking his head against the ceiling before crashing back down.
He clutched his forehead and butt at the same time, eyes tearing up. "What the hell was that?!"
Kazane Arata lazily set down his game controller, cigarette dangling from his lips, smirking. "Told you ages ago, didn't I? Always watch out for Kakashi's Thousand Years of Death."
Naruto's face turned beet red. "T-That's…!"
"One of the most dangerous taijutsu in the world," Arata cut in, wagging a finger with mock seriousness. "No hand seals, no chakra. Anyone can use it. Men, women, kids, grannies. The true equalizer."
Naruto groaned and faceplanted into the sofa cushions. "I don't wanna hear it…"
"Don't complain to me. Complain to your sensei." Arata leaned back, exhaling smoke like some washed-up philosopher. "At least you're lucky. Back in my day, we didn't have teachers—just minimum wage and a sore back."
Naruto twitched but didn't rise to the bait. Instead, he shifted gingerly on the sofa, still rubbing his bruised backside. "Kakashi-sensei's a menace. Who even does that to their students?"
"Oh, you've got some nerve," Arata scoffed, eyes narrowing. "You invented an entire harem technique out of nowhere. No one taught you that. And you dare call other people perverts?"
Naruto flinched, face paling. He still remembered the last time he'd accidentally performed that jutsu in front of Arata. Most guys would've gotten a nosebleed. Arata, however… looked at him like dinner.
Naruto shivered. Never again. I'd rather face Kakashi's finger jutsu every day of my life.
"Don't glare at me. My smile's perfectly natural," Arata said with fake innocence, even as his grin twisted.
Naruto crossed his arms, wary. "Nope. Creepy. Stop it."
Arata chuckled, then quickly changed the subject before Naruto bolted. "Anyway, how's the bell test going?"
Naruto blinked, rifling through his shadow clone's memories. "Huh… I actually got one!"
"See? My plan works." Arata smirked smugly. "You worry too much. Shadow clone goes, you go. Kakashi didn't say otherwise."
"But what if he figures it out and fails me—"
"Relax. That's on him, not you." Arata waved it off like he was explaining tax loopholes. "Rule number three of ninja tactics: look weak when you're strong, act strong when you're weak. Simple."
"…What about rules one and two?" Naruto asked.
Arata coughed. "Didn't Kakashi already tell you?"
Back at the training ground, Sasuke wasn't faring any better.
"Rule three of tactics—Earth Release: Headhunter Jutsu!" Kakashi's voice was cheerful as Sasuke's body was yanked underground, leaving only his head above the dirt.
"You're decent for your age, but you got cocky." Kakashi dusted his hands, retrieving his book. "First bird to stick its head out gets shot. Lesson learned?"
Sasuke glared daggers at his retreating back. "Tch. Didn't think the gap was this wide…"
Just then, Sakura sprinted into view. She froze, face twisting as she saw only Sasuke's head sticking out of the ground.
"Sakura! Get me out of here!" Sasuke barked.
"Ahhh!" Sakura screamed, eyes wide with terror. "It's just a head this time?!"
And with that, she fainted for the second time today.
Sasuke's eyebrow twitched. "…Unbelievable."