I had been staring at a very interesting large wall in someone's house. We came from Korea to the Ivanov manor for Seoyeon's marriage proposal. Now the entire house was listening to the two-family heads talk back and forth about a marriage that apparently both parties did not want. After Seoyeon agreed with that facade smile I knew she hated this. She may have thought about the benefits it would bring her to marry Ivanov. That is why she could smile so beautifully.
While the fiancée was sitting like a gentleman that he was. Sadly, the lack of interest was showing in vividly on his face. The lack of interest was vivid. Maybe it is simply because he was gay.
How did I know that? Mikhail and I had an interesting past. Even if people aged or changed, I could never mistake him for anybody else. I knew the guy who left marks on my body. The scar on my face that almost ruined my eyes. His eyes which kept dying and always out of focus were really medicine for the eyes. Medicine, he deprived me of because of his selfishness and self-righteousness. Mikhail was the current heir of the generational billionaires of the Ivanov family. They held the title of one of the richest families in the world.
I knew that all this was ridiculous, I had agreed to come to this stupid meeting because i wanted to meet to meet Mikhail. I saw him standing up to announce he was going for a smoke. I stood up later to follow him making the same excuse as him. Looking at the way he was, you would never be able to tell he was gay. This was exactly why family leader Jackson never noticed that his son was gay.
I slowly followed him, staying behind on purpose. He carefully took out a casing of cigarettes, but no smoke was visible. I took a few more steps out of curiosity. "Can I help you, Mr. Kang?" I heard his muffled voice ask. His voice was precisely how I remembered it. "Not really…just a little favor", I answered. I had a lot to say but chose to be quiet. He was stuffing himself with sugar like a baby. He had his eyes shut with his long eyelashes lying perfectly making him look innocent. I wanted to see his ocean blue eyes. His beautiful lips were glistering with candy. I wanted to kiss him so bad. He opened his eyes and skimmed at my face for a second before returning to his headspace.
He blindly took out a cigarette casing that looked beautiful with diamonds around it. It suited him so well. I took the casing that was handed over to me. Not surprised it was candy with no cigarettes. The radiance on his face told me I should get the one he had. He looked so content eating it. 'I'm jealous', I thought to myself. I wanted to be that sweet. The sweetness that he was not ashamed to have remains on him. I wanted to be the one who brought him joy. Why did he refuse to smile like that, because of me? Now it looked like he could not even remember me. The way he carelessly ran his eyes over my face.
"What? You do not like candy?", he asked with his brow knotted. I actually do not like it but if it was offered by him, I would eat it. Just not these. I wanted the caramel in his mouth. He dug his hand in his pockets and came out with a black and white handkerchief that had golden embroidery around. Like probably everything he had. But he was going to remove the sugar in lips. "I want the one you are eating" I saw his lips crack into a smile as he said, "sorry kid this is the last one". He slowly parted his lips while showing me the tip of his tongue that had a small chocolate that was in the tip of his tongue. I have been starring probably more than I should, but what could I do?
I wanted to procure a taste. A compact of his lips. I knew I was being overbearing, needy and greedy. But that is what ten years of being denied something does to you. It makes you weak, frail and powerless. It leaves your brain thinking about all the things it would do if an opportunity presented itself.
A peck on the lips that is all.
I lost my senses there as I pulled him close making my lips collide with his. I closed my eyes trying to indulge in the sweet caramel tasting lips. He did not kiss me back as he was too stunned to do anything. I slowly sneaked my tongue into his mouth searching for the pea sized sweet. I felt his body melt in mine as his knees gave up. I sneaked my hand behind his back and grabbed him, grabbing into the delicate silk that made his it felt thick in my hand but not in an obstructing way. I could feel his temperature slowly rising in my hands. On his waist and his nape. The wave of nostalgia hit so hard that I pulled away because I felt myself being consumed by the waves of need.
"The fuck!?", he shouted angrily. I knew it was coming. I felt my chest tighten. I was long forgotten. I was no different than a faded memory. Like morning dew in the presence of the sun. I vanished from his world. What was I to hope for more? What privilege did I own? To even own a thought about holding him, wishing he would be mine. Was I dirtying him by holding him? Was I staining my angel because of greed? I felt tears swelling in my eyes blurring the little vision I had.
This was probably the last time I was gonna hold him close enough to feel his warm breath on my neck. Enough to breathe his honey musk. "No wonder your face beams up when eating one of these. It is sweet", I muttered with a smile trying to avoid consequences for what I had done.
"What?", I felt the hand that was holding his neck slowly rising in temperature while he avoided my gaze. Was he embarrassed? " Oh you do not remember me. The excruciating pain in my heart", I joked "Yes, of course, what important would you be for me too…"
"Paramount", I cut him off. I felt the tears that had been swelling in my eyes well up. My cheeks were heating up. I felt short of breath and like my lungs were on fire. Like I had just inhaled a pack of dried chilies. It was not fair how I had lived over ten years of my life like this. "Do you remember me like this, perhaps?", I questioned between my sobs as I lifted the hair that was on my face, revealing the scar on my right side of the face.I saw immediate shock on his face as his hands involuntarily clenched around my chest. His wide eyes gave hope. Maybe. Maybe he remembers me.
"SUN?!", he exclaimed.
Good heavens.
I felt my pulse going over 90 as relief and happiness took over my body simultaneously. Anything else, I was going to deal with later as I pulled him for a hug. His hair that was under my chin smelled very nice. He smelt like the bakery that sells the sweetest of deserts. It was refreshing. I had missed that scent.