"I loved you... my universe..."
"Goodbye..."
When they were about to kiss, Ren suddenly opened his eyes when he heard the loud noise of an alarm clock. Agad naman siyang napabangon mula sa kaniyang pagkakahiga sa kama, atsaka siya napatingin sa paligid para makita lang ito na walang laman, he's not here. Napabuntong hininga naman ang ginoo kasabay ng kaniyang pagkusot sa kaniyang mga mata, atsaka niya lang napagtanto na totoo palang lumuluha na siya. Hindi niya na maiwasan na matawa dahil sa kaniyang katangahan. Bakit naman siya babalik? Bakit naman siya pupunta rito para balikan ako? Habang naaalala ni Ren ang kaniyang panaginip, kung saan ay napakalinaw ng kanilang muling pagkikita at pagsasama sa mga lugar na napakamalapit sa kanila, ay hindi niya na rin mapigilan ang sarili na mas lalong maiyak dahil sa bigat ng kaniyang nararamdaman. What the fuck, Ren? Stop crying... It was just a dream.
"Ang sakit... ang sakit-sakit pa rin..." Why am I still hoping for him to show up and welcome me like that?
Habang tumatangis si Ren ay hindi naman nito maiwasan na mapansin ang isang closet sa corner ng kanilang apartment. Agad nanan siyang tumayo mula sa kaniyang pagkakaupo sa kama, atsaka siya lumapit sa closet na ito upang tignan kung meron ba itong laman. To his surprise, Skye's clothes were still there. Maroon, his favorite color, they all have the same color. Kumuha naman siya ng isang damit dito at pinagmasdan niya naman ito kahit na patuloy pa rin ang pagtulo ng kaniyang luha. The maroon color that matches his blood, smooth texture of cotton, and the smell of him that still lingers. You're the real ghost here, Skye.
Maya-maya pa'y napansin niya naman ang isang malaking box sa ilalim ng mga damit nito, dahilan para agad naman siyang mapaluhod sa sahig upang hilahin palabas ng closet ang box na ito. Napakabigat ng kahon na tila ba'y marami ang nilalaman nito. Sa labis na kuryusidad ni Ren ay agad niya nanan itong binuksan, at laking gulat niya nang bumungad sa kaniya ang sandamakmak na mga letters at cassette tapes. Kumuha naman ang ginoo ng isang letter at nang buksan niya ito ay laking gulat niya nang makita niya na naka-address pala ito sa kanilang old apartment in Sapporo, Hokkaido, Japan. Tapos ang date... it was written yesterday... October 29, 2025. I thought he already disappeared? He thought to himself as he immediately opened the envelope and pulled out the paper then he opened the letter and started reading it.
To my universe,
If you're reading this, it means that you're back in this apartment filled with memories. After 10 years of hoping for you to come back, you're finally here.
For the past 10 years, I used to live here alone, it's so lonely without you. Ridiculous, right? After I left you in Japan, I'm still looking for you. I missed you, I do. Everyday... I'm always praying that when I wake up, you will greet me and kiss me like we always do. I missed your warmth, Cos, I wish I could embrace you like before.
I'm sure you're still wondering why I left you. Well, it's because I cared so much for your future, you don't deserve to be stuck in this kind of place with me. I want you to move forward, Cos, I want you to chase those dreams that you turned your back on just to be with me. I didn't tell you the real reason, because I knew that if you choose to stay here, you will choose to fight with me, but I was so afraid. I have to leave you there, I have to cut our communication, I have to let you go... because I'm afraid... I'm just a coward when it comes to your love.
Am I still messing up with your mind? Am I still making you sad? I knew that you hate me because I made you do it. I knew that you hate this city because our memories were lingering around like a perfume that you used to love. I knew that I ruined everything good, I ruined you. I'm sincerely apologizing for all the things that I've done to your life. I'm apologizing from the bottom of my heart and regret everything that I've done.
I heard that you're happy with your new lover now. He's a photographer, right? I'm so happy when I heard that news from Chris.
Chris? What? Anong kinalaman niya rito?
Yeah, Chris, your friend from that International School. I hired him to look after you because I was so worried for you. He would send me cassette tapes to report everything. He said that you're treating your new lover in a better way, giving him the love that he deserves, and he never leaves your side when you have a lower state. I'm kinda jealous, that should be me... I'm so jealous that I even tried to go back and pick you up, but it was too late.
So, it wasn't just my illusions...
How could I compete with someone who has a better life than me? How could I compete with someone who's treating you with so much love? I don't have the guts to steal you back. I guess... it's my karma... I have to lose you completely. Chris said that you have to medicate yourself with anxiolytics just to relieve your panic attacks, you've been mumbling my name or anything that was associated with me. It feels like I was killing myself when I heard that from him, it was all my fault, I made you like that. Remember when you told me about the legend of the red string? You said that even though we're far from each other, we're still connected with it. I can't wish for eternal happiness for the both of you if you're still connected to me with that red string. I'm cutting it off because I want you to be happy with your lover.
"I loved you, Cos," these are the only written words that the other letters have, and the rest are just full of my guilt towards you. This is the last letter that I will write for you because I will never come back to this place anymore, I will leave these memories here for you to burn. Please, I want you to forget me... let's forget each other... Goodbye, my universe, you will forever be bigger than the whole sky.
Sincerely yours,
Skye Leonard Johnjenkins
This... He left this for me...
Matapos basahin ni Ren ang kahuli-hulihang message ni Skye para sa kaniya ay hindi na nito mapigilan ang sarili na maiyak muli. He suffered alone because he's always thinking about him. For The past ten years, hindi niya alam na sinisiguro pala ni Skye na masaya at ligtas siya sa Japan. Namuhay siya mag-isa na may halot galit sa kaniyang puso. I'm so mad at you, Kye... It hurts him knowing that they're both been looking for each other for the past ten years. Akala niya ay wala na talaga, tapos na sila sa isa't isa pero all this time... si Skye lang ang humahawak para sa kanila... He forgot about the red string that he's been telling him.
I'm so mad at myself... How could I forget that? I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry, Skye... I loved you... Really, I loved you... Why do we have to end like this?
•┈┈┈•┈┈┈•┈┈┈•
Goodbye, you've been good to us.
Huminga muna nang malalim si Ren bago ito tumalikod sa apartment building. Napagdesisyunan niya na lang na mag-stay sa isang hotel kahit na dis-oras na ng gabi dahil wala na siyang dahilan para bumalik pa rito. Memories were left to burn, just like what he said. Bumaba na ng hagdanan ang ginoo at sakto namang tumunog ang cellphone nito bilang senyales na may tumatawag. Agad niya naman itong kinapa mula sa bulsa ng kaniyang pants at nang makuha niya na ito ay agad niya namang tinignan kung sino ang tumatawag sa kaniya ngayon. Hindi niya na maiwasan na mapangiti nang kaniyang makita kung sino ito kaya agad niya naman itong sinagot.
Ngunit, ang hindi niya alam ay may isang lalaki na naglalakad ngayon sa kabilang lane ng pavement habang ito ay nakatulala at naninigarilyo. Napatingin naman ang ginoong ito sa entrance ng apartment building at agad naman siyang napahinto sa paglalakad nang kaniyang makita ang isang tao na hindi niya inaasahan na maabutan niya ngayon sa apartment. Nakangiti ito habang sinasagot ang tawag mula sa cellphone nito atsaka ito naglakad paalis ng apartment.
"Cos—"
"Yes, Damien?" hindi na nagawa pang tawagin ni Skye ang dati nitong kasintahan nang maisambit nito ang pangalan ng bago nitong nobyo. Ano pa bang karapatan niya para tawagin pa ito at magpakita rito? "Yes, of course, I enjoyed the streets of Manhattan. I'm currently walking outside, I need some air to breathe in."
He looks happier now...
"Oh... About him? Yeah, I have a little conversation with him," tugon naman ni Ren sa nobyo nito kahit ang totoo ay hindi niya na naabutan ang ginoo. "Yeah, he said sorry so I forgive him."
Pinanood lang ni Skye na maglakad palayo ang dati nitong kasintahan habang ito ay may kausap sa may cellphone. Hindi niya na maiwasan na mapangiti nang makita niya itong mas masaya kesa nung mga panahong kasama niya ito. Ito na ang senyales na pinakahihintay ni Skye para tuluyan niya nang maiwan ang lugar na ito. Ang lugar na saksi sa lahat ng kanilang pagmamahalan at paghihirap. Oras na para iwan ang mga alaala para makausad na. Habang pinapanood lang ni Skye ang ginoo ay agad niya namang napansin ang isang crambled paper na nahulog mula sa kamay nito. Nang tuluyan nang mawala si Ren sa paningin nito ay agad niya namang nilapitan ang papel atsaka niya ito binuklat. At laking gulat niya na isa pala itong sulat para sa kaniya.
Dear Skye,
I read your last letter for me, I'm happy but it hurts me knowing that you're still looking for me, sacrificing your youth just for me. Maybe we might be still together if you just let me stay with you. I won't die if you're just right by my side because you're my strength. You didn't ruin my life because you loved me, you ruined it because of your ambitions. You opened my eyes and I got blinded by your love. then you run away like a coward.
Yes, I hated you because how could I move on without a clear reason from you? But now, I see it now... I forgive you... I can move forward without turning my back to look for you. I know that we're on different paths in our life. But, Skye, I'm so glad that I've met you, you taught me everything about life. You taught me how beautiful it was when I'm with you... despite all the troubles... I'm so thankful, you shaped half of me. But, I would never kill it just to forget you. I can't just forget you like that, you're my greatest love... really, I loved you, Skye... I'm happier than ever... I hope you do too...
Maybe, somewhere in your dreams... I still love you, Skye. Because, in my dreams, you still loved me back.
In another life then... so long... heath of my life...
Sincerely yours,
Cosmos
❀THE END❀