After I was adopted into the royal family and initiated into the jester position as well as the royal regiment, I realized that I had the best of both worlds. I could drink and protect the kingdom by day, and I could drink and make people laugh by night. So, either way I was going to be doing a lot of drinking, which was one of my favorite things to do. Plus, I get to shit on people too… I don't know why I hadn't thought of this sooner. I guess all of the work I put in with my blade could in fact prove useful, because no one was going to fuck with me, no matter how much I mock them. I spent over five years swinging that piece of stainless steel around, like the cock between my legs. So, you could say I built some muscle on my bones.
As a test, the regiment threw me to the wolves in a wolf den and told me to survive, then walk home when the job is finished. Mind you, it was the dead of winter… in a brutal blizzard. So, I let fear control me and I picked up my sword, the only weapon I needed, sat on a frozen log, while I waited for the pack. I could hear them howling in the distance. Soon thereafter, they circled around me. I was so cold, and they were so hungry. So, I picked up my sword and held it upright. One of them jumped up and tried to take me down, but I impaled in right in the chest and twisted my blade to give it a quick death. The other one bit my leg and started twisting its jaw around ripping through my skin forcing blood from my calf. So, I grabbed ahold of it and broke its neck.
My leg was gushing blood at this point, as I shivered from head to toe. I stared at the last wolf, as it stared back with a vicious look in its eye, circling me as it growled and showed its teeth. I yelled out, "Fuck it!" as I charged the beast… it lunged back at me. I swung my blade with all my might so that it took the wolfs head off. The feeling I got from that… the adrenaline rush… I mean, it was exhilarating, and that is what scared me the most.
Afterwards, I skinned the wolves and cooked me a nice dinner to keep warm and used the skin to stay warm. After, I started walking and made my way back to the kingdom, slowly. The next morning, I had returned a bloody mess. That's the story of how I was officially welcomed into the royal regiment. So, no… no one was going to fuck with me, because if they do… they will lose and they know it.
The king had a ceremony to welcome me into my newly founded roles within the kingdom. It was everything I could have wanted and more. A feast of boar and fruits, along with barrels upon barrels of honey ale, bottles and bottles of sweet red wine. (You can't go wrong with this!) I thought to myself, as I poured some of the finest red wine in all the land.
All the maidens and whores looked at me like I was the forbidden fruit, as I took a massive bite out of my boar leg and washed it down with wine so good you would think the seven gods pissed down their glorifying stream into my blackjack, (Or drinking vessel.) I felt blessed on this day.
They sang songs of old tales as well as danced in the dining hall. It was a very good welcoming ceremony. I ended up bedding one of the lovely ladies, she had red hair and elegant creamy skin, her name was Victoria. She gave it to me free of charge, for being part of the king's blessed kin. So, I ended the night with her, it was a night that I would never forget.