I lied on the bed , until the sun turned pink at the west . My phone rang as my manager , my team mates kept calling but I had no strength to get up .
It took me a while to make myself move on .
It was okay . I should have realised long ago that there was a purpose for Liam's often visit to our house .
While he had been the Sunshine of my life , I had been a painfully crafted piece that was forcefully included in his by his abusive father .
I got up to get dressed and leave . Hell , I did not know whose room even was this .
Probably one of the guest rooms , I guessed . Even that was lavishly arranged to be worthy inside the building owned by Sunshine corporation.
I had not eaten all day , I knew .
I knew that Liam had knocked six times on the door asking if I wanted to eat something.
The next time he knocked , I threw open the door .
He looked surprised . He fumbled for a while and said ," Do you want to eat now ?"
" No," I shoved him out the door ," I need to leave ."
" But -"
" Liam , I have a meeting . I can't just stop everything for your family trouble," I knew that I sounded cruel - but did it even matter ? Since , I had never been a blessing to him in the first place .
" I can't gamble with your safety ," he seemed determined to stop me .
" Then send some damn security," I hissed at him . I knew that I had no right to be upset with him . But I was .. even if there was no logical explanation for it .
" Julia , please , if we talk now ," he gently grabbed my arm .
" I can not talk now ," I shook him off ," When we had time to talk , we didn't. Now it's too late ."
" I know ," he whispered," Even if it's too late , I just wanted you to know things ."
" No," I shook my head ," You will run away again."
He let go of me .
I started walking and then stopped. I was so annoyed at him .
He was such a stupid guy . He knew how pathetically obsessed I was about him. Even after knowing he was cheating on me , I had shamelessly kissed him . I had holded him to the deepest corner of my heart to forgive him again and again.
Even after leaving him , when he had come to me , I had taken him in my arms in open arms.
Couldn't he see that ?
I looked back at his miserable face .
" You !," I threw my purse at him ," You are such a coward Liam Anderson !"
He did not even try to catch it , just let it hit his face like he deserved it . I was more and more annoyed .
" This is why , this is why I am going to leave you someday ."
A man who is twenty six , stared at me like an abondoned puppy . He did not look his age at all .
I knew that he was a bad guy . I knew that he and his mother was the reason my family went bankrupt , I knew that he was a cheater . But right at this second , it looked like it was me - I was the bad guy .
"I know that.. I know that I don't deserve you ," he whispered ," That if you come to know everything , then you will leave me ."
" Yeah , I will ... I will leave you ," I tried to be as harsh to be as possible but my voice trembled," But I love you enough to come back to you again and again . I love you enough to kiss you when I know you are in the wrong . I love you so selfishly that even after listening to what your mother said , I shamelessly stayed here and bickering with you like this . I love you enough that when you father asked me to betray you , I rather jumped off the cliff myself. I let myself get humaliated infront of the whole nation like this for you , you fucking YOU ! For all this years , listening to your family treat me like an unwanted object , I still stayed for fucking you ! Why can't you see it ? It was you ! It has been always you for me . And I will love you as much as I hate you ."
I wanted to talk more , but he took two long strides to catch my face and kiss me .
I bit his lips again ,so he would bleed . But he accepted the pain . I felt like this was becoming a thing for us - this breaking up , letting go , and then coming back to kiss like this again.
Even when his hands were gentle on my skin , his mouth was not . He was more chewing on my lips than kissing me . There was a desparation in his body .
I barely managed to stop him and cupped my hands around his face ," You can run away all you want. But just come back . I know that I don't even have the dignity of a human being to ask you this but just come back . Don't be coward Anderson and come back . No matter how horrible you become , I will take you in . I will take you in until you no longer need me . ."
" You can't," he whispered," I am not who you think I am . I know what you went through after your family got bankrupt. I know how your father threw you around among men who treated you like an object . I did not know what was happening and assumed that you were just doing fine . When I came to find you again , you - you were gone ."
He hid his face by ducking down , pulling hair on his eyes .
" What do you mean ?," I struggled to see his eyes ," Look I am here ."
" No ," he shook his head ," Back then you wouldn't speak , you would just sit all day with a dead expression as if you were a doll . Each night you would get up from the bed , get dressed and go sit at a table and introduce yourself to the darkness, telling your name and such . "
My knees felt weak . A shiver ran down my spine . I did not remember any of that but my body did .
I pressed my lips tightly , trying to act fine ," Liam , it has been so long since then , right ?"
Liam's breath quickened ," One night , you walked into the pool , I found you there . You were drowning but you did not wake up from the trance . I almost lost you forever . And the words you used to say ,all those filthy , dirty pigs - the conversation you had with them , you would repeat them in your sleepwalk. I could not bear it . I was not there when you needed me the most . No wonder , no wonder you never told me anything about your brother and that father of yours ."
I realised that he was hyper-ventilating.
" Liam ," I clutched his arms tightly ,"Liam , look at me ."
His eyes were swiming in tears ," I, I saw it . He hurt you in a fucking way anyone would not even hurt a dog . I heard you scream in that vedio . I thought that you were dying . I - I had to check up on you to see if you were still alive . Ma-maybe you weren't and finding you like that had been just a dream . Maybe you had d-died like that -"
He could barely speak now .
" You should have called , I would have come ," I grabbed his trembling plams . They were ice-cold . .
He was having a nervous breakdown .
My husband - he was not exactly as healthy as he made out to be .
" But you blocked my number ,"he reminded me .
Ah , that was then really my fault .