(Season 1, Episode 5: "A Hero Sits Next Door" with EJ's twist)
The Griffin family crowded around the TV in their living room, watching Peter flip through job listings. After getting fired from the Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory for blowing up the assembly line, Peter was in desperate need of work. Lois sat beside him with folded arms.
"Peter, you need a job. We have bills to pay, a mortgage, and… your bar tab in the basement."
Peter sighed. "Lois, come on. Do I look like the kind of guy who can hold down a job?"
Cutaway gag:
Peter in an astronaut suit on the moon, immediately tripping and knocking the American flag into a crater.
Astronaut: "Griffin! You just ruined history!"
Peter: "Sorry, my bad."
Lois shook her head. "Maybe you should try something new, Peter. Expand your skills."
Just then, a knock came at the door. EJ stepped inside, towel slung over his shoulder fresh from Quahog Gym. "Hey Lois. Hey Peter. You're still unemployed, huh?"
"Yeah," Peter groaned. "Apparently 'guzzling beer' doesn't count as a marketable skill."
EJ smirked. "Depends on the market."
The Griffins' new neighbor moved in that afternoon — Joe Swanson, a tough-as-nails cop in a wheelchair. Peter was impressed by Joe's stories of catching criminals, but EJ was quietly intrigued. Despite his disability, Joe radiated strength and discipline.
"Guy looks like he could bench press half the precinct," EJ muttered.
Peter nudged him. "Don't get any ideas. He's stealin' my thunder. If Lois sees him being heroic, she's gonna expect me to be heroic, and then where will I be? Dead, EJ! Dead of exertion!"
Later that night at the basement bar, the guys gathered around. Quagmire leaned in, glaring at EJ. "So… you and Joe hitting it off, huh?"
EJ shrugged. "He's a solid guy."
"Yeah, well, don't get too cozy. In this town, there's only room for one ladies' man and one superhero. Giggity."
Cleveland sipped his beer. "Quagmire, Joe's married. And EJ's just… not you."
Quagmire scowled. "Exactly. He's not me. That's the problem."
Meanwhile, Joe invited the Griffins (and EJ by extension) over for dinner. His wife Bonnie greeted them warmly, though Peter seemed more interested in Joe's police stories. Meg, of course, sat next to EJ and barely blinked the entire evening.
When Joe revealed that he'd once stopped an armed robbery single-handedly, Peter panicked. "Great! Now Lois is gonna want me to stop crimes. I can't even stop Chris from fartin' in the car!"
Chris: "It's a condition!"
Cutaway gag:
Chris at a doctor's office.
Doctor: "Chris, I'm afraid you have… Permanent Gas Syndrome."
Chris: "Cool, does that mean I'm a superhero?"
Doctor: "No. It means you'll never be invited to a sleepover again."
By the end of the episode, Peter realized Joe's heroics only made him look weaker in Lois's eyes. But EJ quietly reassured him.
"Peter, relax. Lois married you for you. Not for some version of you that wrestles criminals. You've got things Joe doesn't."
Peter raised an eyebrow. "Like what?"
"Unlimited beer tolerance."
Peter smiled proudly. "Yeah… yeah! That's right!"
Joe clinked a beer with EJ. "Thanks for the help, kid. You're good to have around."
As the credits rolled, Quagmire fumed quietly in the corner, glaring at EJ's easy charm with Bonnie and the other women. The rivalry was just getting started