Episode 2 — "Don't Stream the Exorcism"
⸻
Cold Open
INT. KENNY'S ROOM – 3 A.M.
Kenny lies face-down in a pile of Hot Pockets wrappers. His phone buzzes — notification overload.
NOTIFICATION: "Your clip hit 1 million views!"
NOTIFICATION: "Local Demon Union filed a copyright claim."
NOTIFICATION: "Your bank account has been charged: -$3,000. Memo: cringe content penalty."
KENNY (groggy)
What the fu—
Camera pans to his laptop: an auto-uploaded video titled "World's Dumbest Exorcism Livestream" — showing Kenny half-asleep, farting mid-Latin chant while his adopted dad Frank pukes up glowsticks.
Cha-ching. (+$12)
Fart sound. (–$3,500)
KENNY
Oh hell no.
TITLE CARD: KENNY: THE USELESS CHOSEN ONE
(subtitle: Episode 2 — "Don't Stream the Exorcism")
⸻
ACT ONE
INT. KITCHEN – MORNING
LINDA scrolls her iPad while eating avocado toast with actual avocados that whisper "smash me harder, mommy."
LINDA
Kenny, sweetie, your livestream is trending on both TikTok and HellTube. That's crossover appeal.
KENNY
I didn't even stream it! Who the hell uploaded—
FRANK enters in boxer shorts, holding a bucket of ectoplasm like it's orange juice.
FRANK
Oops. That might've been me. I thought I was FaceTiming my bookie.
KENNY
You FaceTimed… an exorcism?
FRANK
Multitasking.
Kayla slams into the kitchen, eyeliner smeared like war paint.
KAYLA
Kenny! Do you realize you just ruined my summoning brand? Satan said your fart chant made him look like a clown.
KENNY
It wasn't a fart chant, it was… performance art.
Cha-ching. (+$40)
Fart sound decline. (–$400)
KENNY (panicked)
Why does it keep charging me?!
LINDA
Because, baby, you tried to monetize it. The Card hates when you force funny. It only wants authentic stupid.
FRANK
Basically, be yourself. But like, dumber.
Kenny facepalms.
⸻
ACT TWO
INT. BASEMENT – AFTERNOON
The angels (Gabriel, Michael, Uriel) sit cross-legged, watching Kenny's viral exorcism on a projector. They look horrified.
GABRIEL
This is… a theological crime.
MICHAEL
He dabbed mid-possession.
URIEL
And somehow made thirty grand before fees.
Cha-ching. (+$200)
Decline fart noise. (–$600)
KENNY (to them)
See? I'm bleeding money here. The Card hates me now.
Gabriel steps forward, serious.
GABRIEL
Kenny. To restore balance, you must perform… a genuine exorcism.
KENNY
Me? I can't even spell "genuine."
MICHAEL
If you don't, the Card will drain you dry. And possibly repossess your eyebrows.
KAYLA
And you'll be ugly and broke.
LINDA
(to Kenny)
Which, honestly, is my nightmare.
KENNY
Fine. Who needs exorcising?
SMASH CUT:
INT. NEIGHBOR'S LIVING ROOM – LATER
The NEIGHBOR (werewolf PTA mom) points at her possessed toddler, who's levitating while screaming "Baby Shark" in Latin.
KENNY
Yeah, no promises.
⸻
ACT THREE
THE EXORCISM ATTEMPT
• Kenny tries sprinkling holy water. The kid sneezes glitter. Cha-ching. (+$50)
• Kenny reads from the Bible… but it's upside down and actually a Taco Bell menu. Fart decline. (–$1,200)
• Frank suggests offering the demon beer. The toddler belches flames, burns Frank's mustache off. Cha-ching. (+$500)
• Kayla plays death metal. The toddler starts breakdancing mid-air. Cha-ching. (+$1,000)
Kenny, panicking, screams:
KENNY
Leave this child, you rent-dodging freeloading demon!
The toddler drops, lands safe, and burps. The demon exits… straight into Kenny's iPhone, turning it into a cursed livestream camera.
NOTIFICATION: "Livestream started: 20,000 viewers."
KENNY
Oh come on!
Cha-ching. (+$800)
Fart decline. (–$2,000)
⸻
ACT FOUR
INT. LIVING ROOM – EVENING
The whole family + angels + Satan (late, eating nachos) watch Kenny's cursed livestream projected on TV.
SATAN
You're trending in Hell. Again.
KENNY
But I'm going broke!
LINDA
Honey, you can't try to be funny. You just are. You're like a walking, talking car crash in pajama pants.
KAYLA
Yeah. You're the guy who tripped into a portal and came out with three sugar daddies.
Cha-ching. (+$600)
FRANK
(puts arm around Kenny)
Son, don't fight it. Just… embrace the stupid.
Kenny sighs. He stares at the cursed livestream camera.
KENNY
Fine. Screw it.
He walks into the kitchen, slips on a banana peel, crashes into the possessed toilet. The toilet flushes itself inside out, screams jazz, and spits Kenny back out covered in glitter.
MONSTER CHA-CHING (+$15,000).
The decline sound fizzles out completely. Balance restored.
Everyone cheers.
SATAN
That's my boy. Accidentally funny, authentically dumb, universally profitable.
Kenny, drenched in glitter, raises a beer.
KENNY
To passive income, baby.