[Cold Open – Mallory's Office](Mallory is yelling at Archer over the intercom as he fiddles with her desk liquor cabinet.)
Mallory: "Sterling, if you open one more bottle—"
Archer: (pouring) "Mother, relax, I'm hydrating. Scotch is basically barley water."
(Mallory storms in, slaps the glass out of his hand.)
Archer: "Hey! Alcohol abuse!"
Mallory: "You want to talk abuse? How about crashing a $40 million helicopter into a brothel?"
Archer: (shrugs) "Well… the brothel had a helipad. Technically."
(Mallory sighs, pinches her nose, then clicks a button. Intercom crackles to life.)
Mallory: "Send in Specter."
Archer: (snorts) "Oh, please. Specter's not real. He's a myth. Like a G-spot or competent HR."
(Door opens. Lex enters — tall, sharp suit, twisties brushing his shoulders, calm stride. He adjusts his cufflinks. Everyone in the bullpen stares.)
Pam: (whispering to Cheryl) "Oh my god, that's him. That's the ghost."
Cheryl: (biting her lip) "And I want him to haunt me."
Archer: (jaw drops) "What?! No! No. You can't just—he's not—ugh, Mother!"
Mallory: (smirks, lighting a cigarette) "Yes he is. Sterling, meet Specter. My most reliable agent."
Lex: (coolly) "Funny. I thought this was a spy agency, not open mic night."
(Everyone laughs. Archer fumes.)
[Act One – Briefing Room](The gang is gathered: Lana, Cyril, Pam, Cheryl. Mallory holds up files.)
Mallory: "We've had a breach. Someone's stolen the NOC list. You'll retrieve it from tonight's black-market exchange."
Archer: "Oh, so another Wednesday. Great. Shoot, drink, bang the mole's wife. Done."
Lana: "God, you're a child."
Lex: (reading the file) "Or we could just… not get half the team shot."
Archer: (snapping) "Excuse me, new guy, but I've been doing this for years."
Lex: "Yeah. And I've been fixing it for five."
(Pam does a spit-take. Cheryl giggles. Cyril mutters "burn." Archer looks like he might cry.)
[Act Two – Mission: The Black-Market Exchange](Exterior: rundown warehouse by the docks. Dark, wet pavement, neon signs flickering. Inside, guards patrol. Archer and Lex crouch on a rooftop, overlooking the deal.)
Archer: (whispering loudly) "Okay. Stealth is for cowards. Real men kick the door down."
Lex: (deadpan) "Real men don't set off alarms."
Archer: "Please, alarms are just… music you can shoot to."
(Archer immediately trips a laser sensor. Sirens blare. Gunmen draw weapons. Archer grins.)
Archer: "See? Music."
(Gunfight explodes. Bullets whiz by, crates splinter. Archer dual-wields pistols, screaming "DANGER ZONE!" as he sprays wildly. Lex moves sleek and controlled — one shot, one target. He flips a thug into a wall, elbows another in the throat, disarms a third with a clean kick. Bullets fly so close you can hear them zip past your ear.)
Lana: (over comms) "Goddammit, Archer! Specter, do not let him screw this up!"
Lex: (calm, mid-shootout) "Little late for that."
(One thug pulls a knife on Archer. Archer yells, "Knife beats gun!" and somehow stabs himself in the sleeve. Lex shoots the thug, sighs, and drags Archer behind cover.)
Lex: "You're welcome."
Archer: (pouting) "I had him."
Lex: "You stabbed yourself."
Archer: "It was a tactical sleeve wound!"
(Finally, Lex grabs the NOC list case, tucks it under his arm, and moves with clean precision while Archer screams and fires in circles. Bodies drop. Sirens fade.)
[Act Three – Extraction](Archer's phone buzzes. Mallory yelling.)
Mallory (phone): "Sterling, if you so much as scratch that list—"
Lex: (snatches phone, calm) "Handled. List secure. Coordinates sent. Try to keep your son from shooting himself next time."
(Mallory goes silent, then mutters "Good boy" before hanging up. Archer looks betrayed.)
Archer: (to Lex) "Okay. You're officially my nemesis. And not even the fun kind. The smug, tall, perfect kind."
Lex: (smirking) "You'll get over it."
[Aftermath – ISIS HQ](Back at HQ. Everyone's drinking. Lex lounges at the bar, relaxed. Archer sulks, glaring at him.)
Pam: (to Lex) "So like… you got a yacht? Or like a pet panther? Or… you know…" (gestures down)
Lex: (smirks, sipping) "Yes."
Cheryl: (fanning herself) "God, that's so hot."
Archer: (slams drink) "No! This is MY thing! I'm the dangerous one women can't resist!"
Lex: (leans close, low voice) "Sure. Keep telling yourself that."
(Archer chokes on his drink. Pam laughs so hard she snorts beer out her nose.)
[Tag Scene – Ghost Exit #1](Later. Lex walks out of ISIS HQ, adjusting his tie. Instead of a car waiting, he climbs the fire escape to the roof. The night air is quiet. A helicopter appears out of the darkness. Rope ladder drops. Lex grabs it, climbs up, smirking. The chopper vanishes into the skyline.)
(Cut to inside the chopper. Lex opens a briefcase labeled "CLASSIFIED." Inside: diamonds. A note in Mallory's handwriting: 'Don't tell Sterling.')
Lex: (grinning) "Easy money."
(Camera pans out. Helicopter vanishes into the night sky. Cut to black.)
[End of Episode]