In the next port, during the evening hours, we began loading cars. I made my way down to the lower deck to check in with the Chief Mate, who was overseeing the process. On my way, I encountered a drunk 2nd Mate and an equally inebriated Able Seaman.
Able seaman said, "I love to sail, Cadet, especially when we are in the southern hemisphere. The stars are bigger there than in the north."
2nd Mate said, "Yeah, probably from the alcohol."
They both laughed, and I just waved to them before continuing my way down. As I reached the deck where the cars were being loaded, I headed towards the Chief Mate. Suddenly, a car sped up and braked hard, stopping just inches from my leg. Inside was a beautiful young girl who looked unwell. I approached the car and knocked on the passenger's window. She glanced at me with a confused expression, then smiled and turned on some dance music on the radio.
I opened the passenger door and asked, "Are you okay?"
She moved her hand as if to reach for me, then suddenly vomited. Fortunately, she managed to control it somewhat, quickly lowering her head, opening the driver's door, and tumbling out of the car. The mess was mostly confined to the seat, car floor, and outside. I was taken aback, seeing such beauty in her worst state. I closed the passenger door and rushed to help her. She lay in a pool of her own vomit.
As I was about to reach for her, the Chief Mate appeared and said, "Don't touch her."
I paused my movements and asked, "What? But why?"
Chief Mate said, "They have their own foreman. Leave her to him. Best not get involved. If anything happens, you are not a trained paramedic to assist people."
Chief Mate spotted the foreman, waved to him, and pointed out the 'sleeping beauty,' though she was lying in her vomit rather than in a bed.
I said, "It's not like I would harm her. She is just drunk. At least we could help her."
Chief Mate said to me, "You have a lot to learn. You know we could get sued, no matter your good intentions. The world is a bad place. Don't touch her. Understood!"
I stepped aside as the foreman approached. He called for a minivan to transport drivers off the ship to the parking lot designated for cargo. When the van arrived, they unceremoniously tossed her in the back like a sack of potatoes. The foreman and a dock worker stayed behind to clean the car. I followed the Chief Mate to the section of the deck where cars were being loaded. Half of the deck was filled with cars, parked neatly one next to another. As the next batch of cars arrived, the drivers parked them neatly and exited the vehicles. I glanced at the Chief Mate, who got into a car and reversed it into position. Just then, a car pulled up next to me, and an elderly man, visibly frail with trembling hands, stepped out.
The old man said to me, "Can you park the car? I don't know how to drive in reverse."
My left eyebrow popped, and I asked, "You don't know how to drive in reverse?"
The old man said, "No."
A driver from the van shouted, "Come on, old man. We don't have time."
I glanced over the old man's shoulder and saw a van filled with very young and very old people. The old man turned and walked towards the van.
I entered the car when Chief Mate said with an increased tone from afar, "Cadet, you can't drive. Only Chief Mate can, no one else."
I exited the vehicle and walked over to the Chief Mate, who was parking cars in reverse, one after another.
I asked, "Why are these drivers all kids and old people?"
Chief Mate replied, "They are just the cheapest working force. They probably just picked them up from the street or the nearest pub."
Two weeks passed. We were docked at port, and Chief Mate, accompanied by 2nd Mate, came to see me.
2nd Mate said, "Hey, Cadet! Instead of punishing you for no reason, we are now doing 6-hour shifts."
Chief Mate said, "We are dead tired, and he had no right to force us to work 12 hours because it is not in our contracts."
2nd Mate said, "It seems the Captain wrote an email requesting a Third Mate, as he insists on not keeping watch with a Cadet. He believes the Cadet is better off working on deck."
Chief Mate said, "Second Mate shared this information with me, so I called the company manager and told him about the situation."
2nd Mate said excitedly, "Then the company wrote an email back to the Captain, stating that it is in his contract to keep the 3rd watch with the Cadet and that the Cadet is here to learn how to become an officer, not a deck worker, and he must reinstate you effective immediately."
Chief Mate smiled and looked at 2nd Mate.
Chief Mate said, "You forgot to say that we are also no longer doing 6-hour shifts."
I was just pleased to hear someone from the company was on our side.
The Cook approached us and exclaimed, "Guys, I can't sleep. This Captain is crazy! He's going to get us killed. Every night before bed, I lie there terrified. Can't you, Chief Mate, replace him? Just say he's nuts!"
The Chief Mate replied, "There is a protocol, but it's not that simple. We would need a solid reason, and if we took any action, some agents wouldn't look kindly on us. Ultimately, we might have to seek new crew boarding agents or companies for work."
The Cook waved his hand nervously and exclaimed, "Great choices! Die on the ship with a madman or die at home from hunger!" He then walked away anxiously.
Captain Don Quixote said on the portable VHF radio, "Chief Mate, come to the main hold."
The Chief Mate gestured for me to follow, so I did. In the center of the empty hold where cars are usually parked, stood Captain Don Quixote. He was picking his teeth with a toothpick while gazing at the ceiling.
Chief Mate said, "Captain."
Captain Don Quixote pointed with the toothpick at the ceiling and said, "Chief Mate, this garage is not so white anymore. We could repaint it to look nice."
Captain Don Quixote continued to clean his teeth.
Chief Mate said, "We need more paint. We only have one bucket that would cover just this small area."
Captain Don Quixote pointed with the toothpick at the wall and said, "OK, but I mean look at these walls. They look all dirty. It would be nice to paint them."
Captain Don Quixote continued to clean his teeth.
Chief Mate said, "Just authorize more paint, and I'll get to it."
Captain Don Quixote stopped cleaning his teeth, crossed his arms behind his back, and said, "Nah, there is enough paint."
Chief Mate said, "One bucket! Only one bucket!"
Captain Don Quixote said, "You just need to stretch the paint, and that's it."
Chief Mate looked at me and said, "But Captain, we can't cover the entire hold with one bucket. Even if we super stretched the paint, we need at least one pallet of paint."
Captain Don Quixote shook his head and said, "Chief Mate, you are telling me you can't paint this with this bucket."
Chief Mate's face looked like it would explode, and he firmly said, "No!"
Captain Don Quixote calmly walked away and said, "Then I will have to find another Chief who can."
Chief Mate threw his helmet on the floor, banged his head on the wall, and said to his beard, "What an idiot."
I said, "Chief…"
The Chief Mate interrupted me with a menacing voice, saying, "Leave me be, just leave me be!"
After we departed from the port, I was reassigned to bridge watch. I was on bridge duty with the Able Seaman when Captain Don Quixote and Chief Engineer Bud walked in.
Captain Don Quixote said, "And then you can imagine, my son had the arrogance to break the lock on the cabinet after I locked it and took the key with me."
Chief Engineer Bud asked, "Your wife found him?"
Captain Don Quixote replied with an increased tone, "Yes. Can you imagine that, after I specifically locked the TV so he couldn't watch it until I came back."
The Able Seaman said, "Wait. You locked your TV from your family and took the key? Six months without TV? If I were the kid, I would have done the same."
Captain Don Quixote said, "Nobody asked for your opinion. Report to the bosun for some deck work."
Able seaman just chuckled and left the bridge. Soon it was the end of my watch, and 2nd Mate came to take over.
Captain Don Quixote looked at the radar and said, "Second Mate, do you see the ETA[1]? We will arrive one day ahead of schedule. We need to reduce speed."
The 2nd Mate glanced at the map and said, "This is normal, Captain. In this passage, the sea currents can be pretty strong, and we are being pushed by them."
Captain Don Quixote looked at Chief Engineer Bud, who slurped a cup of coffee, and they both burst into laughter. 2nd Mate was not amused.
Captain Don Quixote said, "Current pushing a ship in the sea. We are not navigating on river rapids. Whoever promoted you to 2nd Mate made a mistake; it seems even a Cadet could be smarter than you."
I pulled out a book of tides and currents for maritime use, checked the relevant time and location, and showed it to Captain Don Quixote. "Look, Captain," I said, "it is illustrated in this book."
Chief Engineer Bud chuckled while he slurped his coffee.
Captain Don Quixote said, "It seems the Cadet is not smarter. There are no currents in the sea; do you see how calm it is?"
Captain Don Quixote waved his hand at me to leave him alone and walked to the engine control lever. Chief Engineer Bud joined him, and together they reduced the speed. Chief Engineer Bud showed Captain Don Quixote how to operate the lever and monitor engine parameters. 2nd Mate was furious; you could see it by the color of his face—it was like a red pepper on steroids due to all those enlarged blood vessels on his forehead. I left the bridge and went into my cabin.
The next morning on the bridge, I found Chief Mate furious. It seemed the sea currents had changed direction, and now the ship was barely moving. The ETA displayed we were one day behind schedule.
Chief Mate said, "This idiot of a Captain will destroy the charter."
I said, "Does it matter if we are going to be late?"
Chief Mate said, "Yes, it does. On this charter, we have very specified timing for port operations during our entire route. We are not the only ship, and there is a whole car production delivery system that works like clockwork. Now we will be the cause of its failure."
I asked, "But what if we arrived earlier?"
Chief Mate replied, "Usually, some time before port you can adjust the speed to match the arrival, but if we are too early, we would just go on anchor and wait. Now we're screwed."
I took over the watch from Chief Mate, and he went to sleep. Later, Captain Don Quixote arrived and was shocked when he saw our speed and ETA.