It had been a week since my Reiki attunement, and life felt both strange and alive. Every time I practiced, heat filled my palms, burning against my skin yet flowing like a stream of light into my body. Sleep had become peaceful again. The nightmares were gone, and for the first time in months, I felt a fragile stability inside me. But beneath that calmness, something else stirred, as if my soul was restless and waiting for a storm.
My interest in the occult grew stronger with each day. Reiki was no longer enough. I wanted to learn Tarot, I wanted to understand witchcraft. Everywhere I looked, fragments of knowledge appeared, and my heart leaned toward them. People said witchcraft was dangerous, but the more I read, the more I realized it was not evil unless wielded to harm. For me, it was about connection - nature, elements, energy. And nature was calling me louder than ever before.
I should have been excited for my reunion with old school friends. It had been five long years. Instead, I dreaded it. The girl who once loved noise and social gatherings was fading. I felt myself turning inward, pulled toward silence and shadows. Was it the attunement that changed me? Or was it the nightmares that had begun this transformation?
The strangest thing was the words that followed me everywhere. Death and Rebirth. They flashed before my eyes on websites, echoed in my dreams, slipped into my wandering thoughts. At first I brushed it off. But soon it became impossible to ignore. They were not coincidence. They were chasing me. They were a sign.
I finally told my friend I couldn't attend the party. I lied, saying I had a fever. She grew furious, threatening never to meet me again.
Damn, why is she overreacting?
But something inside me reacted too. A wild, fierce surge like a tigress rising from my chest, ready to attack. For a moment, I wanted to roar at her, to tear her words apart.
No!
I forced myself to breathe slowly, fighting down the heat, calming both myself and her. Eventually, she accepted my excuse. My body still trembled as I changed into comfortable clothes.
I sat before my altar and began meditation. For the first time, focus came easily. My breath pulled me deeper until the vision formed. I was standing on the edge of a cliff. Wind whipped around me. A sign stood nearby, its letters carved deep.
Death & Rebirth.
Again!
Below, a vast river churned, violent and unforgiving. My chest tightened at the sight of it.
Oh God!
Heights had always terrified me, and I felt my knees weaken. I wanted to step back, but there was no path down. Panic surged. Then I remembered.
How stupid am I?
I could call upon Reiki energy. Laughing nervously at myself, I summoned it. A golden-white light descended from the sky, beautiful and pure, wrapping around me. It spilled across the cliff, flowing into the raging river. Its beauty stunned me, so much that my fear loosened its grip. My body grew light, almost as if I could float.
The more I had tried to control my fears, the more they had controlled me. But as I surrendered, the fear surrendered too.
Arms wide, I opened myself to the light.
Take a leap of faith. Trust us. Nothing will happen.
The voice was gentle, warm, and I believed it. I let go and leapt.
The fall was slow, dreamlike. Around me flashed scenes of my life, every time fear had shaped me, held me back. It was magnificent, overwhelming, as if the universe was showing me the truth of my own chains.
Splash!
Cold water hit me with brutal force. My lungs screamed.
Why?
They said nothing would happen. But I was drowning. My chest burned, my vision blurred. The river was dark, merciless. Then light cut through it. The full moon glowed above, its rays piercing the water. Wolves howled in the distance, their cries chilling and wild.
The golden light appeared again, dancing before me. This time, it spoke with a voice of its own.
Look beyond the illusion.
What does that even mean?
I was drowning, choking, and the voice dared to call it illusion.
Let go of fear. Stop struggling. Embrace what is.
It was the only choice I had. My body stilled. I stopped fighting the water, stopped thrashing. And then—like magic—I began to rise. My chest opened, courage returned. I floated upward, breaking through the surface.
Finally!
But when I looked again, there was no river, no water at all. I lay on solid ground. It had been an illusion.
Everything blurred. My eyes opened back in my room. My cheeks were wet with tears. My body trembled, but I had not broken the meditation. I had gone all the way. For the first time, I had not surrendered to fear.
Now I understood. The words Death and Rebirth had not been random. They had been meant for me. The old self was gone—the selfish, fearful, naïve girl. She had died. In her place was someone new, stronger, powerful, reborn.