I was mortified looking at my haul. I'd read Serica's face before she left, disappointment. It was a decade's worth of Birthday and Winterfeast gifts. Selenee seemed to notice, her hand was at my shoulder, her thumb traced small circles.
Regis had been such a gentleman. I was hesitant at first, hadn't wanted to point anything out, but he'd caught it when my eye settled on a Cherry-Robin charm, my mother's namesake, and he'd insisted I wear it out of the shop.
Selenee's eyes were set on a storefront I'd never ventured into, Maudere Apparel. It catered to Bloom's students, the mannequins in its windows sporting daring cuts, frills and lace. I'd only ever snuck glances at it from across the street. We left the next shop down, a tailor's, where Regis had left a few items to be embroidered for Reilin, and Selenee couldn't help herself, "Oh, Maudere sells the prettiest silks..."
Regis shrugged, "If you think it's worth a look."
"Yes, I know for certain Reilin shops here." Selenee peeled around the doorway. Regis followed her gaze, set his eyes on rows of women's delicates, and took a step back, "Maybe its best you two tackled this one without me, pick out some things for yourselves and Reilin, I'll post up at the next tavern down the row."
"Such a gentleman!" Selenee giggled.
"No such thing, I just can't bare the scandal in tomorrow's Gazette, Lord Durough Leers At Scantily Clad Collegiattes would surely earn the Lady's ire."
I was suddenly inside my own head, trying to cover myself in a lime-green, satin bra and panty set, as he tells me to try on a racier cut.
"You're a card," Sel waved him off, "We'll find her something sweet."
"You're blushing," she said and laced her fingers with mine to lead me inside.
I balked at the selection, a kaleidoscopic wall of shawls and wraps screened the more devilish items further in. Selenee pushed us right past them, "You are not going to be caught in cotton when Serica enacts that Disciplinary Agreement."
I died inside.
What did she think at the bath-house yesterday? I must have looked like a pre-teen.
I still hadn't told her what I'd done, giving my virginity to Serica. It was a gulf I didn't know how to cross.
"I..."
"Did something happen?" Selenee turned to me, her eyes twinkled and her hands clasped my shoulders.
"Ye-yes. It was so wrong though, I... I practically forced her..." my nose pulled to the floor, and tears struggled to break free.
"Cora... she wouldn't," Sel's arms pulled behind my back, squeezed suffocatingly tight, "She wouldn't let you do anything she didn't want. That's wonderful!"
"You're sure?" I choked out.
"She's your Mentor, that means she thinks you're ready." She let me go and picked up purple silk thong, "That settles it, you need something flashy, next time she sees you she's going to be wowed."
Moments later her arms were draped in underwear and I was being nudged to the dressing-room curtain.
I was barely out of my tunic facing the pile of sheer fabric when Sel slipped behind the curtain with a collection of her own and began shedding her silks, "Okay you have to tell me everything."
Every time I saw her undress my tongue tried to tie in knots. Being asked to recount my time with Serica as she bared her chest and delicate hips, was impossible.
I began with the stop at the kebab stand, watching her slip on a blue panty that clung to her like a second set of skin. It was tight quarters and her knees and elbows kept bumping into me. I pulled off my panties while describing Serica stripping in the locker room.
Selenee was still a virgin, though she was more experienced than me in every other way. It felt so weird having an edge on her for once. She stopped her jostling as I described the scene in the cold-bath, how I'd pushed myself onto Serica. I was lost in my recollection, could feel the chill water, and her thickness, how I'd worked myself around it.
I heard Selenee's breath, coming tight between barely parted lips, and it pulled me back. Her eyelids were half-drawn, leveled down at my body. She's seen me naked a hundred times, this felt different, "Did it hurt?" She asked.
"Yeah," my thighs squeezed, it had, but I'd expected it to, "not as bad as I thought it would..."
She grabbed one of my pairs to try on from the changing-room's bench and held it out for me, straps open, I tiptoed into it and she worked it up my legs, "Do you feel different?"
Her fingertips brushed my hips. Every touch was a reminder of what I couldn't have. She didn't pull away. I pulled in breath, "Yes, I can still feel her..."
Her thumb grazed a bit lower, crested down my belly, "Can I?"
"What- you mean?" My hips twitched and my heart caught bucked into my throat.
"Sorry, I wanted to see what it feels like," her hands were still on me.
"Oh." She didn't want me, it was just an experiment. Any other girl could have filled this role.
"Okay," I said, at least I'd be useful. Serica was the same, I was her job, I could let that be good enough.
"Cora, you're sure?" Her grip tightened.
"No." I turned away, wishing she'd just do it and at the same time to be anywhere but here, "I mean, if you want to do it just do it."
"Cora, I won't if you don't want it," she sighed.
It hurts too much when I want you.
"I do," I said, and I did, with everything I had. I wanted to be useful.
She read it in my voice, the lie, and pulled away, "I'm sorry Cora, let's just get these and go..."