The light of dawn rose within Xinh's awakening conscious. Light slowly and gently touched Xinh's eyelids. Xinh was already awake before he opened his eyes. Slowly basking in the silence and feeling the warmth of his blanket. He noticed the soft cushion of the mattress of his bed. It felt like he was in the clouds. He had an inkling feeling something was fulfilled. Abruptly, his eyes opened. Instantaneously, light entered his eyes. Suddenly, in his mind he 'saw', 'felt' and 'heard' it.
[Hello Xinh, Good Morning Xinh!]
'Who are you? What are you? Why are you here? What happened?'
A plethora of surprise questions and mixed emotions came out.
[I am the System, a friend, ally, teacher, a subject and an object. I am a feeling. I am a wish. I am a dream. I am here to guide you to what you wanted: change]
Xinh 'saw' the message, he also 'felt', and he 'heard' its voice.
[The World will also 'end' in 9 days]
The world will end in 9 days?!
[Yes, your World will end in 9 days]
'Is there anything I should do? And how will the World end? Aliens? An Apocalypse? An Asteroid impact? A pandemic?'
[All I know is that it starts with your death]
'Are you saying I will die?'
The exchange between the two, 'System' and Xinh lasted a few seconds. The message and thoughts were transmitted in a way that could be 'felt', 'heard' and 'seen'. Xinh slowly felt the maw of death encroach upon him. That feeling instilled a sense of urgency in him. He almost could not believe it, yet he really did know it was coming. That was the truth. His death will be a reality.
Is this the reality in which I have to accept this? Can I even resist it? So if I die, the world will end?
[Run from it, resist it, death comes to all of us, all the same. Your World ends with your death. Now what will you do? Will you despair or will you make something out of what is left?]
The endless loop of lifeless days, the shitty months and the wasted years were a reminder in Xinh's life of what NOT to do. Xinh decided to make the most of it. The usual routine was to wake up, check the phone, browse social media, and then start getting ready for a full day of gaming. Remembering his guilty pleasure of being a keyboard warrior, arguing to random online users now felt pointless.
'So 9 days, starting today is the countdown. I should make the most of it. Yet I don't know what to do.'
Xinh was a natural recluse and enjoyed it, but realized he was still socializing somehow but it was normally in a really negative and wasteful way. Engaging in pointless arguments online. Now looking back at it, he felt a bile of regret reach up inside.
'I can't believe, I wasted so much time. Now I feel like my back is against the wall. Yet against the wall, I feel more alive than ever. The looming guillotine of death…'
[If you did not have a sense of urgency would you have continued your whole life wallowing in the motions, until you were on your deathbed, horrified at the amount of regret built over a lifetime?]
Xinh immediately decided to start writing down what he planned to do. Grabbing a notebook and finally starting to jot down his plan. The action immediately clarified to Xinh that he had no plan or goal. His mind was a dizzying mess, he felt overwhelmed with reality.
'What can I even do within 9 days? Will I really die? By the way how will I die? Hopefully it isn't painful. I'd like to honestly go in peace through my sleep or something…'
Such thoughts swarmed Xinh's mind. He felt grief and fear.
[Calm down. Close your eyes. Take focus on your breathe. And breathe with intent.]
Xinh proceeded to close his eyes and focused on his breath. Time slowly passed by as the racing thoughts slowed to a crawl. The incoming train of thoughts was silenced with the passing seconds. Seconds turned into minutes and the minutes turned into a quarter of an hour. Finally Xinh opened his eyes and made his decision.
'I guess I'll take a walk. Its been a long time since I walked around the area.'
Xinh went to the bathroom, proceeded to brush his teeth and wash his face. Feeling relaxed and refreshed he gulped down a glass of water. Then grabbing a red and black colored jacket he went outside. It was still early in the morning, the springtime breeze brushed past his face. Checking his phone he noticed the date and time.
6:46 A.M. March 6th, 2025.
Xinh took in the smell of morning dew with every breath. It was a peaceful, brisk walk, the roads were still relatively empty and quiet. The walk was automated, but his thoughts were empty. Xinh was experiencing the world as it is, walking forward and looking ahead. Step by step, clarity entered his mind. Although he didn't have a lot of time left, Xinh decided to enjoy each day as it came.
[You've realized the profoundness of the moment. Why do we dwell in the past, hope for the future and yet forget the gift of the present?]
Similarly you can grow fond of the past, and despair for the future. And a third scenario where you just feel regret entirely right before your death. To live a life with no regrets. I wonder how one does that?
[Focus on breathing, walking and relaxing. The feeling you have for the present, bring it with you always.]
Xinh felt as if someone was smiling at him. Xinh stopped with the superfluous thoughts. A thought occasionally popped out of nowhere but he brushed it aside similar to the light breeze. Xinh scanned the surroundings slowly. He listened to the sound of grass, trees, cars, and the birds. Soaking up the atmosphere as he walked, was more fulfilling than the countless days he was browsing, engaging, and indulging in the Internet.
The light of dawn was warm. The sun was rising, and he was getting a little hungry. Checking some locations of that were open, he went to a breakfast diner and ordered a vegetable omelet with home fries. Xinh took his time and savored every bite. He observed his surroundings, the people, the workers, the passage of time. Xinh drank a cold glass of water and felt it pass through. The sensation of cooling his throat and refreshing his stomach was surreal. He finished, the food was delicious, the water was also quenching his thirst. In this moment Xinh was satisfied. Content. The moment came to pay and he felt a bill in his pocket. Just a single bill and its value felt meaningless. He had a hundred dollar bill on him and so he gave back the check. The waitress received it.
"Thank you, please wait. I'll be right back with your change, Sir."
"No its fine, there is no need."
[Tell her to split it with the cook in the back too.]
"If its okay with you, can you also share some with the cook in the back?"
"Of course, Sir! But are you sure? This is a lot…"
Her eyes were a bit lifeless along with an oozing feeling of insecurity.
"Yes, I'm sure."
[Compliment her along with the cook.]
How? In what way?
[Compliment how her smile is beautiful and how delicious the food was.]
But I haven't seen her smile.
[Just do it.]
'Just do it.'
Xinh remembered all the videos, tips and tricks about how to romance a girl. Even the romance shows. He had never done it in real life but he was a great keyboard warrior. It was time to put text to speech into action.
In the time it took to blink an eye, Xinh got advice, got the motivation and intuitively took action with his words.
The two made eye contact.
"Its because your smile is beautiful, and the food was delicious."
The waitress's eyes sparkled to life, and her mouth curved gently upwards.
For the first time Xinh saw her smile.
[See I wasn't wrong about her smile.]
'You are absolutely right.'
Xinh took a brief moment to regain control. He began to walk to the exit.
"Ah, thank you very much sir, have a good day!"
"You too."
Xinh spoke as he hurried to the exit and tried to brush off nonchalantly with a backwards raise of his hand to signal his departure.
Xinh started walking once again. He walked faster, then broke into a brisk jog, and finally a sprint. At the end of the sprint he was gasping for air, the urge to throw up what he just ate also came up briefly. But just as briefly as it came up, it got suppressed by Xinh's will to keep everything that happened in that diner forever within. His excitement, satisfaction, fulfillment, contentment, and heartbeat. He wanted to store it in a precious treasure chest and carry it onwards from this day forth. Even while breathing heavily and raggedly he was genuinely smiling from the depths of his heart.
Life is so far, so good. However brief that it will be for me. Thanks for the guidance. I feel I can carry this moment with me until the end.
Her smile made my day.
[You made her day too, I'm sure of it.]
Finally catching his breath and calming down Xinh decided to immerse himself in walking throughout the city. The scenery changed from city streets to parks. Xinh was taking in all the passing people, the cars, the birds, even the ground. Time passed as the light of the day began to wane. It was the rise and fall of the sun.
It wasn't until around evening that he came back to his home. He felt tired and relaxed. Everything he ever had didn't matter. Yet all the little things he experienced today did. Calm thoughts whirled within Xinh as he took a shower and prepared to sleep early.
I just realized. I never asked but…do you have a name? What should I call or name you?
[Call me AtA]
'Ata'
[No, its AtA]
I see, AtA. Goodnight.
He was awake for a while in his bed before he drifted off into this sleep.
The end of the first day turned into the beginning of the second. The arrival of the 'system' began the countdown. The truth of death gave way to Xinh's new life. It was the next morning and Xinh followed a similar routine as the day before.
Everyday was a lot of walking. Some jogging, running, and sprinting sprinkled the the events of the days. A meal a day, and observing the scenery, the people, and absorbing it all. Xinh connected to others. Conversations were initially short, simple, and sweet. Then as the days progressed they were longer, more in depth and meaningful. The days were counting down. From 9 to 8 to 7 then as there were 3 days left Xinh started to isolate himself again. He stopped eating, and only drank water when needed. Hunger rose and fell like a flat line on the last day. Xinh laid on his bed, closed his eyes, and time felt slow. The moment felt long. Since Xinh checked his phone only once in the morning, he eventually lost track of time as the seconds passed by. The seconds gathered into minutes and the minutes formed the hours.
[Death is coming, prepare yourself]
'Come'
Xinh felt it in his chest, he was ready, yet he felt an extreme pain from his heart. The heart was pumping almost feeling like it was about to burst. He clutched his chest and then felt his heart go silent. He stood up from the bed and rushed to get to his phone. He wanted help. But it was much too late. Xinh collapsed. A myriad of emotions flowed within him.
'It's getting colder. My vision is fading. Game over I guess. I want to live, I've only just started living now. But… it's also fine.'
As Xinh's consciousness faded, the memories from the moment of his death cascaded in reverse. Today to yesterday. From yesterday to 9 days ago. From 9 days ago to the moment he was born. From the moment of his birth to his conception. Xinh's body lay lifeless on the cold hard floor.
That day between March 14th and March 15th, at midnight somewhere in the United States. The people around the world felt the Earth shake. But it was only an occurrence within their dreams. Everyone would quickly forget when they woke up.
[The moment of death is also the moment of rebirth]
[The boundary between life and death]
[Will you fall or will you rise, Xinh?]
Xinh's finger twitched in response.
...
[Or should I now call you, ZiN?!]