Sounds of pouring rain battered on the walls of Xinh's home. It was only 2 P.M. in the afternoon and yet it looked like dusk encroached the world outside. The light of the sky receded with the overbearing dark clouds.
Xinh was playing a MOBA game. The death of his hero in the game gave him a gray screen. Cursing internally, the cause of his death was because of his terrible teammates. Typing and sending out curses and damnation to the all randoms in all chat. He was a warrior in game and in name. He prided himself in being a toxic keyboard warrior and because he felt hunger creeping up on him, he decided to leave the game early to screw over his teammates. Deciding to himself that they were unworthy of winning because they sucked. Xinh glimpsed outside for a brief moment, finally noticing the darkness and gloomy outside world.
What a shitty day.
"Dam I'm hungry! It's time to order some food." Xinh looked down to unlock his phone and started browsing the food delivery app. A variety of options to choose from lay open to his eyes.
What should I order? I had pizza for yesterday and for the breakfast of today. I'm feeling a nice juicy burger with fries and onion rings. But, a healthier option would be a burrito bowl. Decisions and decisions. I 'reasoned' that a burger with lettuce, tomato, pickles and onions is the 'healthy' enough option and decided to go with my gut.
Xinh proceeded to tap all the options all the way to checkout and since he was really hungry, he decided to pay the extra fee for express delivery. He took some time being wishy washy about the tip amount and he then decided on a 'generous' tip of three dollars. The distance of the burger chain store to his apartment home was 8 miles. It was going to take at least half an hour since the confirmation of purchase to get here.
Noticing the agonizing hunger pangs were too much, he decided to crank one out because he was bored and felt the rising urges. He wanted a way to 'distract' himself. Noticing the low battery percent on his phone, he got up from his desktop setup and connected the charger a bit away near his bed.
Putting on headphones and finally sitting down he proceeded to browse all the content he usually got off too. It took an unknown amount of time before finding a video to his liking and an another unknown expanse of time to finally get his 'release'. When Xinh was finally aware of the time and place, he stood up to check his phone notifications for the food delivery. He hurried to get it, realizing it arrived quite a while ago. Xinh ate the cold burger, fries and onion rings in a hurry, gulfing it all down like water. After the meal was finished. He was feeling tired and as a result he laid down on his bed.
Xinh started browsing some videos and shorts. Then he switched to other forms of social media, browsing all the discussions and pictures. He was scrolling endlessly without purpose. And he felt it.
That sinking, empty, void-like feeling that endlessly oozed within him.
What am I doing? Why am I doing all this?
Xinh was well off when he quit his job. He quit because he hit it big with cryptocurrency and decided to just enjoy life as it is. Yet everyday he felt like he went through the motions like his old job. His current life felt empty. An empty soul-sucking despairing feeling of dread and hopelessness. He had everything, yet he felt like he had nothing.
It just doesn't make sense. Make it make sense. I don't feel happy or sad. I just feel nothing.
A weird feeling started suddenly rising from within his stomach.
Is this it? Something? A rising type of energy?!
Xinh then suddenly stood up and rushed to the bathroom. Something rose from the depths of his stomach, to the canals of his throats and spewed out from his mouth. The food of today formed an amalgamation of acidity and stench. The blended form of all that he ate today poured out and landed in the toilet water. Xinh wretched and heaved constantly. The feedback of vomit and the smell of vomit looped endlessly. The vomit and bile burned his throat and also exited his nose. Tears flowed down his eyes.
Damn it. I definitely felt that. I feel like dying. When I asked to 'feel', I didn't ask for this kind of horrible feeling.
Nearly a quarter of an hour later of heaving, he flushed the contents of the toilet down. Xinh rinsed his mouth, washed his face and grabbed some water to drink. After that he felt strangely better. He then decided to shower and prepare for bed early at 8 P.M. After everything that was done, he laid in bed and ignored his phone on the side. He laid in silence, weirdly tired yet not tired. He closed his eyes empty of thoughts, and immersed himself in the feeling of tiredness. He didn't even have a thought the whole time, it was more like a feeling of hope, a whimsical wish, or a simple dream.
This can't go on. I need to change.
The feeling of hope, wish or you could say 'dream' of change whisked Xinh away. As Xinh's consciousness melted away into his sleep, a rising force rose within him.
[Initializing…]
[Entering…]
[Awakening…]
[Xinh]
[Xinh…]
[Xinh…?]
[Xinh!]
The next day Xinh woke up.