Without a word, I raised my hand.
THWACK!
Naruto yelped, clutching his head. "OW! What was that for?!"
"For financial irresponsibility."
He pouted. "Tch. Guess even poor people hit hard."
I coughed, nearly vomiting blood on the spot.
That night, Naruto happily slurped his instant ramen, humming, while I silently ate burnt fish as usual.
"See?" he said with a grin. "Ramen is better. You should thank me for spending all the money wisely."
I stared at him, my eye twitching, wondering again why I had ever chosen this path.
And yet… when he offered me a bite with his chopsticks, I accepted without a word.
Maybe being poor wasn't so bad… if it meant not eating alone.
We had been walking for hours when I finally decided to teach him something important.
"Listen well, Naruto," I began, my tone heavy with meaning. "We are Uchiha. Our pride is unshakable. Our name is power itself. Do you understand?"
Naruto tilted his head, chewing on a stick of pocky he'd bought with my money.
"…So what?"
My eye twitched. "So what?! The Uchiha name carries the weight of history, of greatness, of—"
He cut me off, shrugging. "Sounds like a bunch of old people bragging about being special. Kinda lame, actually."
I stopped dead in my tracks. "What did you just say?"
Naruto grinned mischievously, twirling the pocky stick.
"Pride this, pride that. You sound like one of those grumpy old geezers. Who cares? Pride won't fill your stomach. Pride won't get you ramen. Pride's just…"
He grabbed a pebble from the ground, pretended it was paper, and tossed it into a nearby trash bin on the roadside.
"…garbage."
My entire body trembled. Blood rushed to my throat. My Mangekyō almost spun on its own.
This little demon had just thrown Uchiha pride into the dustbin
I staggered back, clutching my chest.
"You… you dare…"
Naruto only grinned wider, hands behind his head. "What? It's true. Pride doesn't matter. People who brag about it just end up lonely and hated, right? Better to laugh and eat ramen than cry about your dumb pride."
SPURT!
I actually spat blood onto the ground.
Naruto burst out laughing, pointing at me. "BWAHAHAHA! You actually coughed blood! You're too easy!"
I sank to my knees, questioning every life decision that led me here.
When I finally wiped the blood from my lips, I glared at him.
"…Naruto."
He tilted his head innocently. "Yeah, Dad?"
I raised my fist
THWACK!
"OWWWWW!" he yelped, holding his head. "What was that for?!"
"For insulting the pride of an entire clan.
He pouted, rubbing the bump. "Tch. Guess pride's not very strong if it breaks from a little kid, huh?
I coughed blood again.
That night, as Naruto snored loudly beside me, I sat alone by the fire, staring at the stars.
Had I truly fallen so far, that a child could toss centuries of Uchiha pride into the dirt… and laugh?
I clenched my fists.
And yet, when Naruto unconsciously rolled over and hugged my arm in his sleep, the rage ebbed.
The day had been long. Too long.
Naruto had:
• Called me "grumpy crow-man."
• Drew whiskers on my face while I slept.
• And once again, tossed "Uchiha pride" into a trash bin, laughing.
By the time he dumped a bucket of cold river water over my head as a "prank," something inside me snapped.
I stared at him as water dripped from my hair, my Mangekyō glowing faintly.
"…Naruto."
He froze, sensing the storm. "Uh… yes, Dad?"
"I've decided you need a lesson."
The townsfolk watched in confusion as I bought every balloon I could find. Red, blue, green, yellow — dozens of them, tied together into a massive cluster.
Naruto tilted his head, eyes sparkling. "Whoa! Are we having a party?!"
"No," I said flatly, tying the last knot. "We are having… discipline."
Before he could react, I snatched him up, tied the cluster to his waist, and released.
"W-WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU—?!"
Naruto's voice rose into the sky as the balloons lifted him off the ground.
"DAAAAAADDDD! PUT ME DOWNNNN!"
The villagers pointed and laughed as Naruto floated above the rooftops, flailing helplessly.
"HEY! THIS ISN'T FUNNY! I'M GONNA FALL!"
"Good," I muttered from below, arms crossed. "Maybe the air will cool your head."
Naruto's voice echoed from above. "THIS IS CHILD ABUSE! I'M GONNA TELL EVERYONE YOU'RE A BAD DAD!"
I looked up at him with a smirk. "Go ahead. No one will believe you.
Naruto kicked and screamed, but the balloons only carried him higher, bobbing like a ridiculous blond lantern in the sky.
After what felt like hours (though it was really fifteen minutes), I sighed and used a well-aimed kunai to pop half the balloons.
Naruto descended slowly, still flailing and cursing, until I caught him by the scruff of his shirt.
He dangled in my grip, red-faced, pouting furiously.
"I HATE YOU!" he shouted.
"Good," I said calmly. "Remember that feeling the next time you call me poor or toss Uchiha pride into the trash."
Later that night, Naruto sulked by the fire, arms crossed, refusing to look at me.
"You're the worst dad ever," he muttered. "Tying me to balloons… who even does that?"
I didn't answer.
But when he eventually dozed off, leaning against my side, I felt his small weight and sighed.
"Worst dad ever, huh?" I whispered.
Perhaps. But at least I was his dad now.