INT. THE GREGORY SHOW – ON T.V.
The set of the TV Talk show "GREGORY" lights up with an upbeat musical number.
We see a smiling GREGORY, 50's, salt and pepper hair, sitting on stage holding a manila envelope in his hands.
GREGORY
Okay! Our next guest is Jasmine. She's been sleeping with a married man and is here to prove that he's the father of her 18-month-old daughter, Pixieyeayah!
Sitting in a chair beside Gregory, JASMINE, white, 24 gets animated and starts "telling it like it is" to the audience.
JASMINE
Yeah, that's right! Rahbeem's a dead beat! He needs to take care of our baby!
The large monitor TV Screen behind Gregory displays a plump baby girl.
JASMINE
Yeah! That's her! That's my baby, look at 'er! Ain't she Beautiful?
Gregory still smiling brightly as he turns back around.
GREGORY
Oooh, she's fat!
Jasmine frowns.
GREGORY
Let's bring out the man who might be the father of Fat Pat!
JASMINE
Her name is PIXIEYEAYAH--
GREGORY
FAT PAT! Rahbeem Roth come on out here and let's see if you are the father!
RAHBEEM ROTH an overweight, 25-year-old black man struts out. The Audience starts booing and jeering. Jasmine is on her feet heckling him as soon as he appears.
JASMINE
BOOO!! That's right, BOOO! Take care a yo' baby!
RAHBEEM
Booooo to you too! That ain't my baby! Look at that baby!
He angrily points at the monitor
RAHBEEM
She don't look nothing like me!
JASMINE
What you mean that ain't your baby? Look how big her ass is! Who I had that BIG ASS baby with if not YOU?
RAHBEEM
See what ya'll don't know is Jasmine comes from a whole family of PAGAN WITCHES.
GREGORY
(Looks mystified)
Pagan witches?
RAHBEEM
Yeah! They into all kinds of dark magic, voodoo stuff! They all Spiritual-ist!
JASMINE
Why spirits gonna make my baby fat like that? That's your GENES that made her fat!
Spirits of yo' fat ass DNA cells!
Jasmine and Rahbeem start arguing angrily in each other's face.
The audience continues laughing and yelling, fully entertained by this.
JASMINE
If I know witchcraft, why yo' ass ain't a chicken right now? Huh? Why you ain't a six piece?
RAHBEEM
All you do is think about food. That's why that baby's so big! Look at 'er. LOOK! She tryna eat the little giraffes on her baby clothes!
The baby is on the screen chewing on the little giraffe print of her baby shirt.
Gregory finally stops laughing and holds up the envelope.
GREGORY
I have the results of the paternity test right here!
The audience starts clapping and cheering with anticipation.
Gregory opens the envelope with the results of the paternity test.
Jasmine and Rahbeem keep yelling at each other.