13. "POETRY" [ Co-written With Relebohile Sithole ]
Tell me the way I'm supposed to feel,
Starting with "Once Upon A Time",
Ending with a truth that's real.
I've been doing good,
Out of the misery and life's congestion,
Then I catch myself yet again crashing.
Sometimes I wonder what would've happened..
If I hadn't laid my eyes on her,
If I hadn't revealed my love to her,
If I had killed my interest in her.
Sometimes I wonder..
What if I hadn't paid her much attention?
What if I hadn't allowed myself to love her?
I gasp, knowing that all the "If's" won't do any good,
Won't help or cure the sickness in me but
This is where I am.
What if there is no end to this love?
What if the universe has no other person for me?
All the sickness caused by love,
The love that I can't have anymore,
How can I cure this illness?
14. "NOT AGAIN" / "SCARRED"
People keep talking to me about love and relationships, my father and my uncles too but I can't bring another girl into the mess that I am, I can't break another good girl's heart by bringing her into a life of a nigga who still loves his ex.
I got too much pain under my sleeve, loving a new girl is still something I haven't done since the breakup, I've brought too many girls into my mess and I've hurt many good people because I can't be with who I love dearly. People are quick to tell me about love, how can I open up to love when I'm still trying to move on from a 2 year old breakup? Love isn't meant for us all and I can't put my heart through this shit again.
I have zero issues being alone and unloved, it wouldn't be the first time, I've always chased after love and validation, maybe it really ain't meant for me, I'll just keep indulging in flings, make love to temporal lovers and save myself from another heartbreak.
15. "I DIDN'T KNOW"
I told her million times and more that I'm scared that one day I will wake up and she won't be in my life anymore but she told me that she wouldn't leave me and I took her word for it, now I wake up miserable, falling apart because of this heartbreak that she's responsible of.
I thought she'd bring me peace, love and a happy ever after, I guess I was fooling my fucking self, every fucking day it's something new.
I knew that losing her would bring me pain but I didn't know that it would be like this, sometimes I feel my heart beating against my chest as if it's looking for a way out, anxiety and depression at the same breath, now I'm falling deeper into addiction, I'm lost in deep mud and I can't seem to find my way out.
I knew that losing her would be detrimental to me but I didn't know that it would fuck me up like this, I find myself laying on the floor, out of strength and hope, my mind is running out of my own head, my soul is trapped in something bigger than me and the devil is pulling me to the flames.
All alone and miserable, the world turning it's back on me and that's making my heart turn ice cold, when everything was going right, I didn't anticipate it to get this bad.
16. "HOLY ANGELS ERASE"
Holy angels, if you're around, I'd love a bit of your moment because I need blessings upon these words that I'm about to write.
I've loved somebody for three years, our relationship ended after a year, she left me and went on to live hers, I tried million times to fix the breakup because I didn't wanna lose my best friend and my first love but that ain't what she ever wanted. I'll always know it in my heart that I gave it my all and it still wasn't good enough, that isn't my fault, I just wasn't the person she wanted to be with.
I need to let go right now, I need my memory lane to erase our memories, I need to forget about that girl, I need to stop writing about her too because for so long, I've been stopping myself from living my life for the sake of loving somebody who doesn't give a fuck about me, somebody I'm just an ex to.
The Lord is my witness, I have loved her only, I've written the most beautiful words in her honour, I've cared for her more than my own sanity, I've went overboard many times, I put her first, made it clear that she's the only one that I wanna marry one day and I've kept my promises until this very moment. I loved her, it wasn't and still isn't enough, so what's best for me is to let go and walk away.
Dear Holy Angels...