Leif pov
Running around and punching logs in my human form was never an option for me, but now it's the only thing that helps me release all the pressure I carry inside.
My knuckles are shattered and my muscles ache like never before. I try to remember, over and over again, the moment I held Raisa in my arms and how she carried on after that.
My mother should know, since she lived and still lives in that house.
"I have to know the truth, I have to do it" I say, trembling.
The wind blowing through the forest is icy, and a pleasant moonlight filters through the treetops, but I can't relax.
"Raisa, Raisa, I say, getting on my knees. "There must be a mistake. I would remember doing it."
I frown, feeling a sudden pain in my temple. If I had medical problems that warranted it, I wouldn't be surprised, but I don't.
"Raisa, I repeat, trying to connect with those memories I'm not sure I have.
I close my eyes and feel a false calm that allows me to focus and reach that part of my brain I never try to reach for fear of what I might discover there.
I'm afraid I've hurt her, even though she obviously doesn't exist anymore.
Suddenly, that memory flashes back to me. It's not as clear as I'd like, since I'm in complete darkness, but I think about how wonderful that woman smells, how special she is, and how much closer I want to be. Instead of giving in to the more intense sensations, 1 focus on my self-control.
That night, even though I was so sick, I was careful.
-Raisa.
The memory fades along with the two tears I shed. Knowing we were together doesn't lessen the pain, it makes it worse.
"Did you remember?" Eden asks, leaning against one of the trees. "Yes, you remembered Raisa."
"Just get out of here," | mutter, not moving from my spot. "Are you pleased to see me like this?"
-No, brother, of course not.
"Why didn't you bring her to me instead of running away with her?" | reproach him. "I would have taken care of it "
"I didn't know what to expect from you, Leif. You never even looked at her. I assumed you didn't want her to be your moon. My God, I don't even understand what I did, but I apologize."
As? Maybe things would have gone better if I had given her to you. I'm so sorry.
"It's too late now, Eden, I scold him. "I lost her, and now all I have left are those three children, whom I have no idea how I'm going to take care of."
-Well, at least you have something, a chance to redeem yourself for what you did to Raisa.
-That was something I didn't mean to do...
"Of course you wanted to, he interrupts. "Maybe you did it to protect her, but you couldn't spare her the pain of knowing you were with others. She felt it, she felt it when you chose another woman over her."
"Stop, I don't want to hear you!" I shout, covering my ears. "No, she couldn't feel it, I didn't mark her."
Of course I felt it. The connection they both had went beyond the mark. When your partner is human, you're one, not your complement. So if that's the case, why didn't I go with her? I have to find Raisa. Maybe she's still alive. Maybe so, but the kids don't want to tell me anything. And I swear I don't like seeing you suffer like this. How can I trust you if we haven't seen each other in years? I know, but we are obliged by your children. I could kick you out.
Sure, but then they'd leave. Believe me, they manage very well to do so. No, they won't. They can't leave the pack, they can't leave me. Then don't take them to that king. They're just.
" would never let Devian do anything bad to them," I assure Eden, who looks really nervous. "Yes, he's a man who's played dirty and invades territories like the plague, but he's not going to hurt three children."
"That's what you say, Eden harrows her eyes. "I don't trust him, or any human."
Not even in Raisa? Not even Raisa, because she left me to go with her family. Raisa, why did she do this? Damn, I wish I could have her in front of me and... What? What would you do if you had her in front of you?
The fear in my sister's eyes makes me smile. Now that I know being with me didn't take her life and that she was able to give birth to my children without problems, a thousand
ideas come to mind.
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"I would never let her go, she would be mine alone," I reply. "I would punish her for not daring to be clear with me and for deceiving me."
-Punish her?
I get up from the floor while nodding.