Chapter 15: Anomalous Appetites and a Support Course Explosion.
The new era of "Passive Observation" at U.A. High had begun. For the faculty, it was a strange and often surreal experience. Their days were now punctuated by the duty of logging the activities of their most powerful and least interesting colleague. A special, secure digital file was created, accessible only by a handful of teachers. Its contents were bizarre.
Observation Log: Project Bald Eagle
8:15 AM (Agent: Cementoss): Subject was observed in the staff lounge. He purchased twelve assorted donuts from the vending machine. He then consumed all twelve donuts in approximately one minute and forty-five seconds. He appeared to show a slight preference for the custard-filled variety. Note: Subject's metabolism remains a terrifying and unexplained anomaly.
11:30 AM (Agent: Midnight): Subject was seen standing on the main quad, staring intently at a large puddle left by the morning's sprinklers. He remained motionless for five minutes and seven seconds before walking away. The purpose of this action is unknown. Is he observing atmospheric pressure changes? Is this a form of meditation? Or, most troubling, does he possess some form of hydrokinetic ability we are unaware of? (Saitama's internal monologue at the time: "Huh. My bald spot looks bigger in this reflection.")
1:05 PM (Agent: Present Mic): Subject utilized the gymnasium for twenty minutes. He did not lift weights or use any cardio equipment. He sat on a bench press and was observed playing a rhythm-based idol game on his phone. His scores were, and I quote, "UNBELIEVABLY LAME, LITTLE LISTENER!"
The Sports Festival training had kicked the school's nutritional programs into high gear. Lunch Rush, the cooking hero, was in his element, preparing high-protein, low-carb, electrolyte-balanced meals tailored for future heroes pushing their Quirks to the limit. The cafeteria buzzed with students discussing their macros and carb-loading strategies.
Into this temple of athletic nutrition walked Saitama. He bypassed the kale salads and grilled chicken breasts and went straight to the main counter. "Can I get the extra-large tonkatsu, five bowls of rice, a whole grilled mackerel, and a side of pickled ginger?" he asked.
Lunch Rush, a hero who believed in the sanctity of a balanced diet, could only give a thumbs-up, but his eyes screamed in culinary pain. The students nearby stared at Saitama's tray, a mountain of carbohydrates and calories that defied all known sports science. He was a biological black hole, and their theories of how Quirks affected the human body were being consumed by his anomalous appetite.
After lunch, Saitama made his way back to the Support Course labs to check on the progress of his suit. He pushed open the heavy bay door and was met with a scene of glorious, concentrated chaos. Sparks flew from welding torches, miniature rockets sputtered on test benches, and the air hummed with the energy of a dozen frantic inventors. Presiding over the madness was Power Loader, the department head, who looked like a man permanently on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
"It's ready!" Mei Hatsume shrieked upon seeing him, her goggles pushed up on her forehead. She presented his hero suit with a flourish. It was held by a set of robotic arms, gleaming under the workshop lights. The zipper was, indeed, perfectly repaired, the new seam practically invisible.
"However," she added, her grin widening, "I also took the liberty of adding a few essential upgrades based on your… unique performance data! Behold!"
She pointed to the shoulders, which now sported bulky, metallic pauldrons. "Carbon-titanium alloy plating! Designed to withstand low-orbit satellite collisions!" She then pointed to his pristine red boots. They now had sleek, silver turbines attached to the heels. "And my latest babies! Mark IV Rocket Boots, for sudden bursts of high-speed aerial mobility!"
"I really just wanted the zipper," Saitama said, his voice flat. "The boots look like they'd be noisy."
"Nonsense! A hero needs mobility!" Hatsume declared, grabbing a large remote control covered in buttons and levers. "Let's just run a quick diagnostic, shall we?"
Before Power Loader could scream "WAIT, THAT SYSTEM ISN'T STABLE YET," Hatsume slammed a large red button.
The rocket boots activated with the force of a controlled explosion. The robotic arms holding the suit were ripped from their mountings. The yellow jumpsuit, now a self-propelled missile, shot towards the ceiling, bounced off a girder, and began to fly around the massive workshop like a deranged, screaming hornet. It ricocheted off walls, sent students diving for cover, and left a trail of smoke and panic in its wake.
"TURN IT OFF, HATSUME!" Power Loader roared over the screech of the turbines.
"I'M TRYING! THE REMOTE ISN'T RESPONDING!" she yelled back, frantically mashing buttons.
The suit, now trailing flames, did a final, chaotic loop-the-loop and shot directly towards a massive, delicate-looking particle accelerator that was Power Loader's pride and joy.
Just as it was about to cause millions of yen in damages, Saitama, who had been watching the spectacle with mild annoyance, let out a sigh. He took two quick steps forward, his arm shooting out. He didn't seem to move particularly fast, but his hand was suddenly there, plucking the flailing, rocketing jumpsuit out of the air. He held it firmly as the turbines gave one last pathetic sputter and died. The lab fell into a shocked, smoky silence.
He examined the suit in his hands. He checked the zipper again. It was still perfect.
"The zipper looks great," he said, turning to the wide-eyed Hatsume. "Good work." He then looked at the smoking boots. "I think I'll pass on the upgrades, though. Can you take these off?"
He left the workshop ten minutes later, his perfectly repaired, boot-free costume folded neatly under his arm, leaving behind a scene of smoldering chaos. Hatsume was not discouraged. She was inspired. Staring at the dent in the wall where the suit had bounced, she had a revelation.
"His body… it's the ultimate support item!" she muttered, her eyes glowing with a new, terrifying purpose. "I need to build more! Babies that are worthy of that level of power!"
Power Loader, hearing this, simply sat down on an overturned crate and buried his helmeted head in his hands.
~~~~
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