"Speak then", Ziriothrax commanded to the ancient, gnarled trunk before him. Its boughs rustled in response, replying with a voice made up of the brushing of verdant leaves.
"This land is old, and this valley older still. Isolated as we are, surrounded geographically by nigh-impassable mountains, the people here live relatively peaceful lives".
The tree paused.
"Well, as peaceful as you can. Though no place is safe from Silence."
'Strange. The summoning ritual should only have interacted with our spirit bodies, leaving our physical vessels on that red planet for us to return. Yet, somehow, it seems to have transported us fully and deposited us here, a random grove in this unfamiliar land'
"'Silence', you say?", Ziriothrax questioned.
"Indeed", the tree shuddered as an abrupt cold descended. "The Silence is the only true threat here. Be cautious, travelers, many a prideful and arrogant adventurer has fallen victim to its grasp. But I shall speak on it no longer lest I incur its wrath"
The finality with which it spoke suggested to Ziriothrax the seriousness of the topic.
'It would literally rather die than tell us more', he marveled. 'What could possibly garner such respect, such...fear'
He felt his curiosity bubbling up, but he pressed it down with a force of will.
'Whatever this Silence is, I have a feeling we'll run into it soon enough'
Well, he's not a professor of Sanity Hypermathematics for no reason - the anti-saniton levels around them had so far exceeded normal margins that chaos itself at a subatomic level had fallen to its influence. This is different from mere probability manipulation, like the wave released from Jeffbob's first escape. This was an insidious process, altering the fabric of reality on such a fundamental level so as to last virtually forever, like ink on white canvas.
Any being who interacted with them or even remnants left behind, whether they knew it or not, were being infected. Of course, this process was so insidious not just because of its scale but also because of its undetectability. Even now, Ziriothrax remained the only being to possess an inkling of what was going on.
"Very well then, your cryptic and unhelpful warning aside, anything else we should be worried about? Disgruntled fae, ancient dragons, jealous liches, rogue AIs, sluggification outbreak?", Ziriothrax asked.
"Sluggification?", the tree recoiled with visible disgust. "What even...actually you know what, I don't want to know." After taking a few seconds it continued.
"There's a village not to far from here, about an hour's walk. No monsters or anything like that but the village, well, you'll know when you see it."
Noticing Ziriothrax's increasing irritation and the obtuse nature of his statements (he couldn't really help himself - its in the nature of these old trees to be mystifying and oblique), he quickly continued.
"It's not dangerous or anything like that it. But trust me, it's too hard to explain"
"Yeah sure", Ziriothrax growled. "How bout I burn down a few branches, would it be hard to explain then?"
Luckliy for the quivering tree, Jeffbob chose that moment to awake from his trance-like state, his eyes not as glassy as usual.
Ziriothrax noticed this fact and sharply addressed his lackadaisical attitude.
'This could be dangerous'
"I know of what you speak, young spruce. We shall be on our way then. Until our paths cross again", Jeffbob proclaimed in a deep voice, begetting no questions. "And remember, the Silence fears the spark in your soul as much as it craves its warmth. Do with that what you will."
Abruptly, all the trees around them in the grove shook with an unseen wind, the rustling of leaves drowning out even the incessant chatter of Stave and Dave, who looked up with an expression of awe.
A rumbling voice spoke with great effort, each syllable a momentous effort.
"We...Thank...You...Ancient...One...This...Knowledge...Is...Priceless...For...Us...us...us"
Jeffbob gently shook his head, his pure white mane swaying gently in a strange manner as though under the effects of zero gravity.
"No knowledge is priceless, young grove. Forbidden, perhaps. Corrupting, even. But never priceless. In the same way I share this with you, freely, share it with others. This is the way of the Trinacornagons".
"We...Understand...Ancient...One...Our...Eternal...Gratitude...To...You...you...you"
"Haha", Jeffbob chortled in good nature. "Eternal is far too heavy a word. Simply, should you meet other travelers in an unknown land, extend to them the same hospitality you have to us, no matter their status. Such an action is thanks enough".
Ziriothrax clenched his fists but was content to remain silent, though his smoldering gaze betrayed his true feelings.
'A disgusting ideology that reeks of the privilege of the strong. They would do this, but be uncaring of the lives of the grass, the insects, the worms crushed underfoot? Hypocrisy incarnate.'
Jeffbob glanced at Ziriothrax as though aware of his thoughts, but shook his head wearily and said nothing.
"Onwards then, little cricket. Goodbye, new friends and may we meet again"
With that, Jeffbob's lower horn began glowing a deep purple. With a flash of light, both he and Jeffbob disappeared, returning that grove to the quiet from before. Well, only briefly.
"Damn, did you see that Dave?", Stave whispered excitedly.
"You bet baby. 'Knowledge is to be shared, Time shall catch us all', pretty epic", Dave agreed emphatically.
"And what an exit man, whoever thought of that surely is an incredible thinker who thinks really well", Stave spoke wisely.
"Yep, yep", Dave agreed. "The flash of light to blind us and then disappearing, oh man I wish I could do that."
"Well", Stave sighed. "We don't even have arms and legs mate, even though I keep seeing visions of a strange shiny sharp object in my head"
"Oh man", Dave laughed. "Barely half a day and you're already going mad, ha? Maybe you're just not cut out for this sentience thing man"
"Hey", Stave protested. "I'll have you know...
The once-serenely quiet grove was now filled with the non-stop chatter of these two new additions.
"Please...Gods...Give...Us...Silence...silence...silence..."
Alas, the heretical invocation of the most ancient tree in the grove went unanswered, Stave and Dave somehow achieving the nigh-impossible feat of continuing a conversation with zero breaks. Helps that they don't sleep either. Not so much for these ancient trees who don't do much of anything else.
***
At that exact moment, in the same world but another continent, a meeting was taking place. Five figures sat around a polished table, reading off a printed leaflet while a sixth fiddled with the board at one end of the room.
Anomaly 2-62 OVERVIEW PACKET EMERGENCY ALERT
- Text Begins Here -
Anomaly 2-62 is a wall. It's origins are [redacted]. It is a potential class X+ infohazard - the only one to occupy such a ranking.
ADDENDUM: It is not the only class X+ infohazard.
This wall enjoys conversation. In particular, it likes a game called "stating the obvious". It seems to think that this is a real game that people actually play, and it often touts its own prowess at this game.
In this game, the participants take turns 'stating the obvious'. Playing the game with the wall is the only safe option when confronted with it. Attempts to derail the conversation are NOT ADVISED.
ADDENDUM: see page 3 for incidents A3, D5, B7.
In fact, the wall does not seem to acknowledge the turn of the other person (despite evidence to indicate it once had) and instead takes all three turns by itself consecutively.
For the first two, it brutally insults whoever is sat before it. No insult is repeated even if the same person plays the game again. Due to the actual damaging nature of these insults, agents are not recommended to be exposed to anomaly 2-62 more than once within a year. Emergency circumstances dictate sending in a non-sentient being such as a plant, as the wall cannot distinguish between the two.
ADDENDUM: this is not recommended as a regular replacement for the agent. See page 4 for report on incidents A1, C2 and A8.
However, due to reasons unknown yet suspected to be caused by a strange mutational glitch causing spontaneous connection to an unknown space, the wall stutters on the third turn.
Instead of its usual voice, it speaks in a way akin to a corrupted tape recorder, heavy static in the background and a much deeper voice.
It is this turn which is of extreme importance. From what we understand, the glitch occurs causing a mutation in the definition of the word 'obvious'. Not much changes, apart from the scale.
The scale simply becomes everything. There is no other word. Everything. The Wall states something that is considered 'obvious' on the scale of Everything.
This brings its own unique problems with the potential for the propagation of class X+ memetic infohazards.
Some information revealed has become common knowledge, such as proof of multiverse. Most others have been locked away in [redacted]
ADDENDUM: Precautionary measures have been taken. 5-21 is used in conjunction with 1-99 with every 'game' played. This greatly dampens any potential memetic hazards to within margins.
Much of the information stored on our archives in section 0 has come from anomaly 2-62.
- Text Ends Here -
- Anything further does not exist. Nothing is written beyond this point. DO NOT READ FURTHER -
ihave■istole■hescomingsoontotake■frommeordoyouwant■insteadicangiveittoyoujusttellmeyour■■■■tellittomeletmetasteitletmeeatit
There was a slap of paper as the stack hit the polished glass table. The harsh white lights above shone with the hateful intensity of corporate norms.
"So what", the suited figure groused. He had a black tie and a pin of an X on his blazer. His salt-and-pepper goatee was warped into a sneer of annoyance. "We're called for an emergency and you give me this random docket. Anomaly 2-62, what of it?", he snapped.
"Don't be so gruff, Alexei. You're just salty you had to come in on a Saturday", the figure sat opposite him teased. He was slouched in his chair, his hair slicked back, but he also sported the same X pin on his blazer.
There were three others on the room, but they ignored this exchange and focused instead on the docket before them.
"We're just waiting for the Professor, Sir. He was in quite a state when he called us", a thin reedy looking fellow with glasses fiddling with the board at the front replied just before the door burst open.
"Sorry for the wait, Directors. Forgot my underwear."
The Professor was an unkempt looking man. His youthful face had heavy bags under his eyes and his hair had more in common with a birds nest than anything else. He wore a grey lab coat with a pinned on tag that literally said 'Name: Occupation'.
The Directors all looked in unison at the professor, who whispered to the reedy looking fellow before clearing his throat and facing the table.
"Gentlemen, Gentleladies, Gentlebutts, I have a grave announcement."
He paused and Director Alexei interjected vehemently.
"Out with it then, we don't have all week"
"Well", the professor laughed in a strangely amused fashion. "You may be right about that".
"After all, according to anomaly 2-62, Everything is gonna end in three days".