Hana groaned as her eyes fluttered open. Her head throbbed, and for a moment she thought it was all just a dream, the rain, the glowing mark, the mysterious old woman, the cat.
Then she heard it.
"How long are you going to be this annoying?"
Her eyes shot wide open.
The voice was smooth, faintly mocking, and it came from directly in front of her. Hana sat up with a gasp and nearly fell back down when she saw the white cat perched on her dining table, grooming itself lazily.
It glanced at her, unimpressed. "Humans are too coward and weak."
Hana's mouth fell open. "Wha—WHA—YOU TALK?!"
The cat ignored her panic, delicately licking its paw before swiping it across its ear. "Of course I talk. You're just slow to notice."
Hana scrambled back, pointing at it with a trembling hand. "No, no, no. This isn't real. Cats don't talk! Animals don't talk! I'm just hallucinating from hunger. Yes! Hunger! I just need to eat my ramen"
Her stomach growled loudly, betraying her.
The cat snorted, flicking its tail. "Hunger or not, your voice is too loud. Do you plan on screaming every time I open my mouth?"
Hana blinked rapidly. "…Wait. I understood that. I actually understood you."
She clutched her head. "Oh no, I've gone insane. First, I gave my last cookie to a beggar, then she stamped my hand with some glowing doodle, and now I'm talking to a cat. A CAT! This has to be a dream. Someone pinch me."
The cat hopped down gracefully from the table, walked up to her, and raised its paw.
Slap!
"Meow."
Hana clutched her cheek, stunned. "You… you slapped me again!"
The cat's whiskers twitched in amusement. "Better than pinching. You asked for it."
Hana's scream echoed through the house.
Hana clutched her chest, breathing hard. "O-okay, okay. Relax. Calm down, Hana. It's just a talking cat. Nothing weird about that. Totally normal. Maybe you hit your head too hard, that's all."
She pressed her hands to her cheeks, muttering like a mantra. "Relax, relax, be calm… deep breaths… maybe if I ignore it, it'll go away."
The cat tilted its head, watching her with clear amusement. "You're muttering like a lunatic."
Hana shot it a glare. "Do NOT call me a lunatic! You're the one talking when you're not supposed to!"
The cat yawned lazily. "Supposed to? Who decides the rules of what cats can or cannot do? Humans? Don't flatter yourselves."
Hana's eye twitched. "Oh, great. Not only does it talk, but it's also arrogant." She waved her hands in the air dramatically. "This is fine, I'm fine, everything is fine—"
"Meow," the cat interrupted flatly.
"…Stop meowing at me like you're judging me!"
The cat licked its paw and replied smoothly, "I am judging you."
Hana nearly toppled over again. "I can't… I seriously can't handle this…"
The cat stared at her for a long, silent moment, its tail flicking side to side. Then it let out a heavy sigh, almost too human.
"Oh, god. Why do I need to face this stupid woman?"
Hana froze. "…E-excuse me? Did you just call me stupid?!"
The cat looked her dead in the eyes, completely unbothered. "Yes."
Her jaw dropped. "Unbelievable! Out of all the humans in the world, you come into my house, eat my food, sit on my table, and then have the audacity to call me stupid?!"
The cat stretched its long body, utterly ignoring her outrage. "You make it too easy."
Hana stomped her foot like a child throwing a tantrum. "I'm not stupid! I'm just… confused! Which is perfectly normal when a cat starts TALKING!"
"Humans always say 'perfectly normal' when it's anything but normal," the cat muttered, settling back down to groom its paw.
Hana buried her face in her hands. "This is a nightmare. This has to be a nightmare…"
The cat flicked its tail impatiently. "If it were a nightmare, you'd already be awake. Unfortunately, you're stuck with reality… and me."
Hana peeked at him between her fingers, pouting. "You're seriously enjoying this, aren't you?"
"Obviously." The cat smirked or at least, his whiskers twitched in a way that felt like smirking. "Watching you panic is entertaining. Humans are so easy to rattle."
Hana puffed her cheeks. "You're the worst."
"Honesty hurts, doesn't it?" he replied smoothly, then licked his paw again before continuing. "Anyway, enough of your whining. I'm not here because I like you."
"Gee, thanks," Hana muttered.
The cat ignored her sarcasm. "I'm here to protect you. To be your guardian."
Hana blinked at him, stunned. "…My… what?"
"Guardian," he repeated firmly, sitting taller now, his tone carrying a faint weight that silenced her protests. "That mark on your palm wasn't just some random doodle, stupid woman. It's a blessing. And I was sent to ensure you don't completely waste it with your incompetence."
Her jaw dropped again. "D-did you just call me incompetent?!"
"Yes." His tail swished once, deliberately. "In fact, if incompetence was a profession, you'd be a master of it."
"EXCUSE ME?!" Hana screamed, throwing her ramen packet at him.
The cat dodged easily, hopping onto the counter with an infuriating grace. "See? Pathetic aim. Proves my point."
Hana clutched her head. "Why… why is my so-called guardian a demon cat who only knows how to roast me?!"
The cat smirked again. "Because, stupid woman, someone has to keep you in line."
Hana's eye twitched. "In line? I'm not some misbehaving child! I'm twenty-three years old, thank you very much!"
The cat tilted his head. "Age doesn't make you wise. In your case, it just makes you… pitifully older and still useless."
Her jaw dropped. "You! You arrogant furball! I should've left you out in the rain!"
"Correction," the cat said calmly, licking his paw again. "You did leave me out in the rain. Then your fragile little conscience dragged you back outside with an umbrella. Pathetic… but amusing."
Hana stomped her foot. "Why am I even arguing with a cat?!"
The cat flicked his ear. "Because you finally found someone who tells you the truth."
She gawked at him, utterly lost for words.
"Listen carefully, stupid woman." His tone sharpened, and his eyes gleamed faintly, a mysterious light pulsing in their depths. "That blessing wasn't random. It chose you. And I was assigned to guard you. Not because you're special"
"Wow, thanks for the encouragement," Hana muttered under her breath.
"but because you're reckless, weak, and hopeless on your own," the cat continued mercilessly. "Without me, you'd trip over your own shoelaces and call it destiny."
Hana clutched her chest, as if stabbed. "You don't have to say it like that!"
He ignored her, his voice dropping lower, serious now. "But with me, you might actually survive what's coming."
The room went quiet. The only sound was the soft boil of water in the pot on the stove. Hana swallowed nervously, staring at him.
"…What's coming?" she whispered.
The cat's tail curled around his paws, and he gave her a long, unreadable look. Then, with infuriating timing, he said, "You'll know soon enough."
"WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!" Hana shrieked, throwing a kitchen towel at him.
The cat easily dodged again, hopping to the top of the fridge like a smug little king. "An answer suited for someone as impatient as you."
Hana pulled at her hair. "I'm going to lose my mind before this blessing even begins!"
The cat yawned. "Good. Makes my job more entertaining."