A man stares off into nothingness, his consciousness absent from this world. Existence in itself is pointless if all there is is agony, if this reality only brings despair the most obvious solution is to remove yourself from reality. The man wore a dead panned expression, his eyes had bags and dark circles underneath them. His dark brown eyes were like an empty husk, devoid of all life. He has dark brown hair that stops just before his shoulders, although it looks messy and unkept. Anyone could see him and tell there was something he was something he was going through, yet the only answer he ever gave was that he was fine. Of course he wasn't, but giving an answer would cause him to relive those experiences again.
"Hey ◾◾◾◾◾◾, you okay?"
The man doesn't respond…
"◾◾◾◾◾◾◾, hey man you good?"
"Huh?, oh sorry yeah I'm fine"
How long did I space out for? It doesn't matter anyways. I wave goodbye to my coworker and continue doing my job. The same pointless things I've been doing for the past 3 years. I'm 21 right now, how much longer am I supposed to do this. I'm probably gonna paint my brains over the ceiling before I retire. Heh, I wonder what their reactions would be if I just did that in front of them one day. Let's not think about that. That wouldn't be very nice to traumatize my coworkers.
…
The day comes to an end, and I grab my belongings to get ready and leave. One of my coworkers gets a call on their phone, a smile goes across his face as he puts it to his ear.
"Hey honey, you doing okay… that's great, I just finished working so I'll be on my way home soon… Ohhh I can't wait for tonight baby, you know I've been wanting to take you there foreve. I have to go soon, can you put my little angel on the phone for a minute… hey sweetie, you doing okay… I know, I know, daddy misses you too, I'll be home faster than you can count to 100… wait no don't start counting, make it 1000. I'm about to leave out right now, I love you sweetheart, I'll see you when I'm home."
I feel emotions forming in my heart as I listen to the conversation… hatred and malice, longing and envy…
Oh… how pleasurable it would be to…
No stop thinking like that, what's wrong with me. Damn it, even before, I never hated seeing people happy this much. I'm sure this hatred will never subside, so I simply have to learn to live with it… or put an end to it all together. I get up and take my leave. I have to walk quite a way home, as I walk I see plenty of uninteresting and meaningless sights. A person getting robbed, a homeless woman sleeping on the ground, addicts getting high off whatever they can find. Sometimes this place reminds me of the streets I grew up on. Granted the streets were a lot worse where I grew up, but it's still reminiscent, since it's all I've ever known as a kid. Never knew my dad and I have faint memories of my mom but one day she just wasn't there anymore. I don't remember much except the streets. Enough reminiscing let's hurry home.
…
I unlock the door and walk through, putting my keys on the rack.
"I'm home my love"
I walk over to my wife and give her a hug, she's as lovely and as beautiful as she always is. I must be the luckiest man in the world.
"Welcome home honey."
I lay my hand on her face, caressing it softly.
"How was work ◾◾◾◾◾◾◾."
"It was okay, nothing special happened. Boring as usual. I couldn't wait to come home back to your arms again."
"Oh I know you couldn't, now come here."
She pulls my head into her chest and wraps her arms around my head. I can feel a flutter in my heart. Even after all those years of dating and then marrying, her presence still dances around my heart. The same as we first met. She speaks softly into my ear.
"Have you been okay? You've been looking worse than usual."
"I'm okay, just tired from work."
"You know that I can tell when you're lying right?
"Heh, of course you can."
"Ive known you longer than anyone, I'm sure I know you better than you do yourself. You don't have to be afraid, talk to me okay."
"But…"
I feel a coldness in my heart. As dread creeps up from down by spine.
"But you're not real."
"Yeah… I'm sorry."
"Why… why did you have to die… why did you have to leave me all alone."
"I'm sorry, I know. It's not fair. Especially given everything you've been through. I'm so sorry. But even as a delusion or whatever I am right now. I'll always do my best to be there for you."
tears begin streaming down his face, as he drops to his knees. His sobs echo loudly in that desolate home, with nothing, no one truly there to comfort him. The woman he loved was already gone. Almost a year ago from now when he was 20 his wife Aria caught an illness, the doctors knew nothing about it and a cure couldn't be found. It didn't take long for her to pass. She was everything, and when she died he lost everything. He's lived his life in a haze, passing by everyday aimlessly, hoping that he would get stabbed, shot, die in his sleep, have a heart attack, something, anything that would rid him of this misery. But nothing ever happened. The man had already lost his will to live, who wouldn't. After living a life full of despair, The cruelest thing is to be granted happiness only for it to be ripped away. And yet he still holds out, because he knows that Aria would hate for him to do anything to himself. A cursed existence it is, but everyone has their limits. His sobs diminish to a whimper, and then nothing when there's no tears left to cry. He sits there, touching his wedding ring, alone with his thoughts.
…
The clock is ticking, time is moving. Yet he hasn't made a single movement aside from turning his ring back and forth. He had been living his life aimlessly, but now the only thoughts that reside in his mind are what to do next. Where does his "future" lie. Then he stands to his feet, and walks out the door.
Step, step, one more step…
Perhaps today is the day I put myself to rest. Is that the right option? What even is the "right" option? To continue living? To continue living like this? I've already lost my will to live, I've merely been running on fumes since she's been gone. Honestly I should've just done this sooner, what's the difference from killing myself right when she died and now. There is none, the result is the same. Struggling in itself is meaningless. I'll never find another person that'll make me feel the same way she did. As long as I reside on this earth, all I'm going to experience is pain. Pointless suffering is meaningless, so I guess it is better. Let's just put an end to all of this today.
Step…
Step…
Step…
I hear footsteps coming from behind me, along with an ominous feeling that sends chills down my spine. I turn around to see an older man approaching me. He looks to be around 50 his hair is short and grey but still covering most of his head. There's scars all over his face and any part of his body that's showing skin, he's missing some of his fingers as well. It looked as if he'd been through war.
"Child… you've lost something precious haven't you?"
"Huh?"
"Something that you could never get back?"
"How… do you know?"
"That part is a secret. I once prayed to black seas and they gave me power. Reading books gives you great knowledge, knowledge of the world, the beings that inhabit it and they also give you great power. Maybe we're not as alone as we thought we were. But you, you seem interesting, I wonder what the prince of death and the dark king would say about you."
"What? What are you talking about?"
"If there were a way to get back what you lost… would you take it."
I pause for a moment. This man gives off a strange, harrowing aura, the things he's saying makes no sense, but… what if…
"Yes…"
"Even if you had to sacrifice things. Your body parts like me, maybe your friends, your ideals, your morals… would you give up your humanity?"
…
"I would"
Anything to get her back.
"Heheheh, such conviction, I knew it, I had a feeling, you were one of crow. How its been so long since I've seen one, I thought they were all gone, I've lived for a long time you see. I've made it far but… what layer did I end up reaching? I forgot… I forgot, please let me forget that unholy place let me forget it let me forget it, but but, why would I want to forget it if it's given me so much. I've lost so much, the sea of blood, the slaughterhouse, those desolate dark lands, the lands of the shattered time all of them and all the others have taken so much from me but now I ask sometimes is what I've gained worth it? Is it worth it child? Maybe for it might be, the horrors you will see, you will question yourself too."
I'm left speechless, wondering what to say… but before I can utter a word he speaks again.
"For a person like me, it might not have been worth it but for you, it might. This world is not as it seems child. You will find out, you will question things, you will wonder and wonder and wonder until you lose sense of the questions your asking. You have suffered yes, but have you experienced true madness. So people say madness is a gift, it lets you see the world for what it truly is, if you don't question you won't find out anything. You will be nothing more than the rest of the sheep of this world."
He hands me a piece of paper, on one side is a map and the other are words I'm a language I cannot read. The man begins to whisper, probably in that language. In that instance something begins to fill my head. The paper burns away as the map and extremely detailed instructions on how to get to this place are burned into my brain. What… what is happening?
"The abyss can and will take things away, maybe you'll lose everything, but you may gain things you never thought were achievable. Survive child, survive and struggle, struggle until you achieve what you desire."
The old man walks away, and turns a corner. I stood there shocked for a moment, but I chased after him. When I turned the corner he was not where to be seen.
…
I quickly rush home and sit down on the bed. My mind becomes flooded with thoughts.
What just happened? Is this even real? Is there really a possibility? No, why would there be. But… the directions, it's like engraved into my brain. It's like something deep inside of my mind has been made aware of this place. What should I do?
The answer is obvious
"I have to go, if there's a chance. Any chance at all, I'll take it."
I left the house and set off to a place I've returned time and time again to, sometimes with a bottle of alcohol to drink my pain away. That night I dug up my wife's grave, when I saw her lifeless body once again it felt like what was left of my heart began to wither away…
"Whatever it takes"
I put her body inside of a duffle bag. and set off for that place. I'm not going to allow this event to control my fate… I'll get you back no matter what.