It was a bright, sunny morning in Anime York High, a school where every possible trope existed simultaneously, and somehow all of them fit into the same cafeteria.
The sporty kid: Shouted motivational slogans while tripping over his own shoelaces.
The quiet mysterious girl: Sat in the corner reading a book titled "How to Exist in a Plot".
The perverted fanservice guy: Spilled water on everyone because "it was an accident, I swear."
The overpowered transfer student: Already defeated three school gangs before breakfast.
And in the middle of all this chaos? Chad Johnson, walking casually with his tray of cereal.
"Good morning, everyone!" Chad said, smiling. His teeth sparkled so brightly that the school's power grid flickered. Literally.
"THAT'S HIM!" screamed Drip Goku from across the cafeteria, fists clenched. "That is the guy who ruins all my training arcs!"
Chad waved lazily. "Hi, Drip. Did you bring enough protein to survive this morning?"
Drip Goku growled. "I… I trained all night! I did 6,000 push-ups while balancing on a giant salmon!"
Chad yawned and poured cereal into his bowl. "Cool story. Milk or almond milk today?"
And just like that, Drip Goku lunged at him.
Normally, this would be a life-or-death battle. Normally, someone would scream dramatic monologues about fate, destiny, or their tragic pasts. Normally, someone would bleed in slow motion.
But not Chad.
His plot armor instantly created an alternate reality bubble around him. Drip Goku's fists turned into soft plush bears mid-air. His dramatic hair flip went wrong, tangling him in the cafeteria lights. He slid across the floor and somehow knocked over a pile of lunch trays, which exploded in a perfect choreographed sequence that looked like fireworks.
"Why do I even try?" Drip Goku whispered to himself.
Meanwhile, Emilia-chan Jefferson ran up, hair randomly switching from green to pink to metallic silver in three-second intervals. "Chad! Are you… okay?"
"I'm fine," Chad said calmly, "as usual."
She gasped dramatically, then tripped over nothing in particular. Chad caught her again. Of course he did. By now, his plot armor had expanded to include minor injuries caused by falling tsunderes.
Broccoli-sensei was on the roof, watching and muttering. "I swear, the physics of this universe are broken. Again."
Just as the cafeteria chaos reached peak absurdity, the doors slammed open. A figure floated in midair, hair glowing, aura visible, and eyes that clearly screamed "I am the mysterious exchange student that will change everything."
The crowd gasped.
Emilia-chan fainted.
Drip Goku flexed uncontrollably.
And Chad… yawned.
"Hi," Chad said casually. "You new?"
The mysterious student narrowed their eyes. "I am Zenith Arcana, master of All Anime Power Tropes in Existence™. I have come to challenge… you."
Chad blinked. "Cool. Wanna sit? We have cereal."
Zenith's aura flared. The air shimmered. Teachers dropped their lesson plans in terror. Everyone expected a massive battle.
Then Chad sneezed.
Zenith tripped over an invisible plot hole and fell flat on their face.
The universe sighed.
Of course, Anime York High had a school festival tournament, because every school arc needs one.
The gymnasium transformed into an arena with lasers, spikes, lava pits, and absolutely unnecessary CGI effects. The rules: "Eliminate Chad Johnson to win." The participants: Ninjas, magical girls, robot students, talking animals, the entire chess club, and someone's grandma who once did karate in the 80s.
Chad entered casually, holding his cereal like a weapon.
"Prepare to face your doom!" shouted the head of the tournament, who was apparently a mix of principal, demon lord, and sentient plot device.
The first opponent was a ninja girl who could control shadows. She attempted a deadly surprise attack, moving faster than the speed of writing deadlines.
Chad yawned. "Cute trick. Want a spoon?"
Her shuriken turned into cotton candy on contact. Her shadows formed hug shapes and tickled her own feet. She screamed, ran away, and accidentally joined the cheerleading squad mid-flight.
Next up was Giant Robo-Karen, a robotic clone of Karen-sama designed to finally kill Chad. She fired lasers, missiles, and existential despair. But Chad's plot armor not only deflected the attacks, it rewrote them as inspirational fireworks, for the parts used to build, were just car scraps .
Even Zenith Arcana tried to attack seriously. He summoned a meteor storm, cursed spirits, and the power of twelve anime series combined.
Chad ate a bite of cereal. "Tasty."
The meteor broke apart midair and formed the shape of a cat wearing a monocle.
Zenith screamed. "This… this is impossible! How does he survive EVERYTHING?"
Mr. Whiskerson, the talking cat, appeared again. "Plot armor, my friend. Plot armor. Also, writer laziness."
Chad waved. "Hi, cat."
[(Meta Moment: The Author Interjects
At this point, i, the author, decided to speak directly to you the audience, because the chaos demanded it.
"Dear readers, do not worry about logic, death, or consequences. Chad cannot die. Ever. Every attack will fail, every villain will slip on metaphorical banana peels, and every fanservice scene is optional and usually ignored. This is a gag webnovel, and Chad is untouchable. If you came here for tension… go read another story.")]
Meanwhile, the other characters sighed. They knew their roles:
Drip Goku: Eternal loser.
Emilia-chan: Eternal blushing love interest.
Broccoli-sensei: Eternal mentor annoyed by narrative physics.
Karen-sama: Eternal villain frustrated by plot convenience.
Chad: Eternal cereal eater and ultimate invincible hero. Climactic "Fight"
At the height of the school tournament, everyone gathered in the arena. The sky turned purple, lightning struck randomly, and the announcer voice shouted:
"LET THE FINAL BATTLE BEGIN!"
Chad slowly chewed his cereal, glancing around. "Final battle? We just started breakfast."
Zenith Arcana and Robo-Karen launched simultaneous attacks. Magic, lasers, meteor storms, shadow beasts, and a sudden army of talking pancakes all attacked Chad.
And what happened?
The meteors exploded into confetti.
Lasers turned into harmless streams of chocolate syrup as it was ACCIDENTALLY PLUG INTO THE SCHOOL'S CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN(yeah right ). Shadow beasts started fell into it transforming into Giant size chocolate bars which were then eaten by Chad and Pancakes… well, Chad also ate those aswell.
Zenith screamed. "I… I am strong! I am unbeatable! I am,"
Tripped.
Chad yawned. "You okay?"
Zenith muttered, "I hate everything."
Epilogue
The school festival ended. Nobody remembered the tournament rules. Everyone got candy. Chad went home with his cereal. Emilia-chan kissed his cheek accidentally (plot-induced). Drip Goku cried quietly in the janitor's closet. Karen-sama's giant robot self-detonated… safely, because otherwise, plot armor would break.
Broccoli-sensei shook his head. "One day… one day, narrative physics will collapse. But not today."
Chad smiled, brushing cereal crumbs off his shirt. "I wonder what's for lunch tomorrow."
And somewhere, in the distance, the narrator muttered:
"And thus continues the unstoppable, unkillable, eternally plot-armored saga of Chad Eternal. The tropes bend. The universe bends. Reality itself bends. But Chad… Chad never bends. Not even a little. Ever."