In the bustling, neon-lit streets of Anime York,New York if New York were secretly run by manga editors, a young man named Chad Johnson walked casually, sipping an energy drink labeled "Power of Destiny™".
Chad was seventeen. Or maybe eighteen. Or twenty-one. Sometimes he forgot. Sometimes the narrator forgot. But one thing was certain: he could not die. Not because he was trained, not because he had some mysterious bloodline, not because he secretly possessed the ultimate secret technique. No. He couldn't die because the author said so. That's it. Plot armor was like a cosmic force field surrounding him, powered by sheer narrative inertia.
"Hey Chad," a voice called from somewhere, probably a rooftop because of reasons. It belonged to Drip Goku, Chad's so-called rival. Drip Goku was designed to be "handsome, mysterious, and devastatingly powerful," but in practice, he mostly just flexed shirtless in front of reflective surfaces and dramatically shouted things that didn't make sense.
"You can't beat me today!" Drip Goku shouted.
Chad yawned, casually turning his head. "You've said that every Tuesday for the past three months. Aren't you tired of losing?"
Drip Goku's jaw dropped. "Losing? Me? Impossible! I trained for twelve hours straight, ate exactly 6.3 pounds of protein, and meditated under the eclipse of a red moon!"
Chad shrugged. "Cool. My cereal came with extra destiny flakes this morning, so I think I win."
And just like that, Drip Goku tried to attack. He launched a 12-step combo that would have decapitated any normal human being shouting the very long but cool sounding attack name: Super cool shock BT Hyper Canon 1000× million attack based shounen canon(yes canon again) all powerful universal ending kamahumehaaaaaaaaaa(this name has been changed due to copyright) , but Chad's plot armor activated automatically. The universe itself seemed to pause mid-combo.
One punch literally turned into a bouquet of flowers. Another kick bent midair and formed a perfect origami crane, It turns out the floor on which they fought was actually direct on top of a nuclear vocano plant about the erupt, so, under no luck at all, Chad accidentally tripped over a piece of rock, falling out of range of where the eruptions would directly come from, so as Drip Goku stood above it, it erupted sending Drip directlt into the sky . Even the narrator had no choice but to admit: Chad was untouchable.
Drip Goku fell on his face. Again.
"Why am I like this?" he whispered, as the narrator internally sighed.
Meanwhile, in the skies above Anime York, a massive airship, like, literally bigger than the Statue of Liberty, hovered menacingly. It bore the insignia of Evil Inc., run by Karen-sama, CEO of Evil Inc., America's premier anime villain. She had everything: wealth, power, world domination plans, and a spreadsheet detailing the exact chapter when she would finally defeat Chad.
"Activate the Exposition Beam," she commanded, adjusting her pink-and-gold villain crown.
The Exposition Beam was a weapon so powerful that it couldn't hurt Chad. It could, however, lecture him for hours about her backstory, her motives, her favorite ice cream, and how she once tripped over a sidewalk crack as a child, which allegedly inspired her world domination plans.
Chad yawned again, putting his energy drink down. "You know, you could just… not."
The beam hit him anyway. And nothing happened. Literally nothing. Because, again, plot armor.
Karen-sama screamed in frustration. "Impossible! The spreadsheet said he dies today!"
"Yes, because fiction is mean sometimes," Broccoli-sensei muttered from a nearby trash can. Broccoli-sensei was Chad's mentor, though nobody could remember why. He had trained Chad in the art of doing nothing while simultaneously saving the world, which made perfect sense because Chad's plot armor solved literally every problem.
"You're not even trying, Sensei," Chad said.
"I am," Broccoli-sensei said, adjusting his broccoli-shaped hat. "I am mentally trying. Physically, I am tired. Also, the universe refuses to let me die too, thanks to your plot aura."
"Yes," Chad replied. "We're basically untouchable together. I think we broke something fundamental about storytelling."
Meanwhile, somewhere in a generic high school setting (because all anime must have a school arc), Emilia-chan Jefferson was walking down the hall. She was a half-Japanese, half-American, half-alien transfer student, with the personality of a blender set to 'chaos.' Her hair switched colors every chapter for no reason. Today it was green. Yesterday it was invisible. Tomorrow it might explode.
She saw Chad. And immediately, in classic anime fashion, fell head over heels in love with him. First, she tripped over her own feet. Then she hit her face on a locker. Then she whispered, "I… I love you…" and fainted dramatically.
Chad caught her. Of course he did. He always caught people. Bullets? Dodge. Knives? Turn to spaghetti. Falling tsundere girls? Instant plot grab.
"Another day, another fainting girl," Chad said, dusting her off. "Do you want cereal?"
Emilia-chan woke up, somehow still blushing despite having passed out for several hours. "I… yes!"
It was at this moment that the announcer voice, which apparently exists in Anime York for no reason, spoke.
"HEY! YOU! YES, YOU! THE ONE WITH ABSURD PLOT ARMOR! IT'S TIME FOR THE ANNUAL TOURNAMENT ARC!"
Chad sighed. "Do I have to?"
"Yes," said the announcer, somehow louder than the airship and also the narrator combined. "Your destiny demands it!"
So, Chad went to the tournament. And of course, the tournament was being sabotaged. The floor was lava, the walls were spikes, and the sky was raining acid, but none of it mattered. Chad's plot armor adjusted reality itself. Lava turned into bubblegum. Spikes turned into marshmallows. Acid turned into glitter.
"Why am I so strong?" Chad wondered aloud, as a random giant monster that was supposed to eat him politely asked for directions instead.
The other contestants, who were there to serve as "serious rivals", were now just extra scenery. One was a silent ninja girl who screamed internally at the absurdity of existence. Another was a brooding swordsman who spent the entire fight monologuing about his tragic backstory while failing to land a single attack.
Meanwhile, Karen-sama's airship exploded in a spectacular fashion. Not because Chad did it. Not because anyone did it. It just happened. Plot convenience.
From the rubble, Drip Goku crawled out, bleeding metaphorically (he'd never been hurt, just embarrassed). "I… I can't believe this… I trained for months!"
"You trained for… nothing," Chad replied. "Don't worry. There's always next Tuesday."
And then, for absolutely no reason, a talking cat appeared. Its name was Mr. Whiskerson, and he had the power to explain the rules of reality to the audience.
"Behold," Mr. Whiskerson said, adjusting his tiny monocle. "The main character is literally immortal. Every trope will be subverted. Every villain will fail. Every story beat will bend around him. He is the perfect Chad."
"Thanks, cat," Chad said. "Do you have cereal?"
"Yes," said the cat. "But it's a metaphor."
Chad shrugged again. "Cool."
Somewhere, in a dark lair, Karen-sama finally accepted her fate. "Maybe… maybe next time," she whispered. Then she was immediately distracted by a PowerPoint presentation detailing the profitability of evil schemes in slice-of-life settings.
The narrator, exhausted, decided to take a break. "Seriously, how many more tropes can I cram in one chapter?"
Let's see…
The training arc? Done. Chad learned nothing. The accidental perverted scene? Done. Chad tripped over a banana peel in the locker room. The mysterious transfer student? Done. Emilia-chan. The villain monologue? Done. Karen-sama. The giant tournament? Done. All participants are irrelevant. The useless mentor? Done. Broccoli-sensei. The "almost death" scene? Impossible. Chad can't die.
So, Chad went home, ate cereal, and watched anime in real life (because of meta reasons). Broccoli-sensei sat on his roof, sipping green tea, muttering complaints about narrative physics. Emilia-chan tried to confess her love again but got distracted by a commercial for magical girl energy drinks. Drip Goku was somewhere crying in the rain, probably thinking about why life was so unfair. Karen-sama was rewriting her spreadsheet, determined to finally kill Chad… next Tuesday.
And Chad, of course, went to bed. Not because he was tired. Not because he needed rest. But because… why not? Plot armor doesn't sleep.
In the distance, the narrator whispered:
"And so, the legend of Chad Eternal continues. No villain, no obstacle, no stupid fanservicey plot twist can ever touch him. The world bends around him. Reality itself bends around him. His cereal remains eternally crunchy, and his destiny… eternal."
The chapter ended. Because it had to. Chad didn't care. The world didn't care. The author definitely didn't care.
Next chapter teaser:
Will Drip Goku finally succeed in slapping Chad accidentally? Will Emilia-chan's hair explode again? Will Karen-sama remember that plot armor exists? Will Chad ever actually eat vegetables?
Spoiler alert: Nothing matters. Chad can never die. Ever.