Reasons Why I Lost HIM
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Rayver's POV
It was six in the morning, and I woke up early to start packing my things and clothes.
Before I took a shower, I decided to pack first.
I began folding and placing my shorts and pants into the luggage. In the middle of rummaging through my belongings, I found a box, covered in thick dust from being hidden for such a long time.
I immediately opened it to see what was inside.
And I was stunned by what I saw—pictures of me and Andrei together. I could clearly see how beautiful his smile was back then whenever we were together, unlike now, when I can barely see that smile anymore.
There were so many photos of just the two of us. I had kept them hidden here for years so they wouldn't get lost. And now, I was happy to find them again, because at least, even just through these pictures, I could see once more how radiant his smile was whenever we were side by side.
All the memories from the past came flooding back, and slowly, tears began to fall as I held those pictures of us together.
Will everything remain just a memory?
After a few moments, I placed the pictures back into the box, but I decided I would take them with me. I quickly placed the box inside my luggage.
Then I continued packing my clothes.
Once I had finished preparing my things, I immediately went straight to the bathroom to shower. I grabbed the boxer brief and shorts hanging on the side so I could wash up and get ready for later.
After several minutes, I was done showering and began changing. I pulled on the pair of jeans lying on the bed and a white polo shirt.
I was racing against time, because there were only ten minutes left before nine o'clock. Bianca and I had agreed to meet at nine, so I hurried.
After getting dressed, I grabbed my luggage and bags and quickly headed downstairs.
But when I reached the bottom, I was shocked by what I saw—Mama was in the kitchen, busy cooking.
"Mama!" I exclaimed, and she turned her head to look at me while stirring what she was cooking.
"Oh, anak, you seem to be in such a rush. Eat first!" Mama said, turning her eyes back to the pot.
"When did you arrive?" I asked as I slowly walked toward the kitchen.
"Just a little while ago. I didn't tell you because I wanted it to be a surprise," she answered.
"Come, let's have breakfast—"
I didn't let her finish what she was saying.
"You shouldn't have come back here!" I said angrily, brushing past her, about to head straight out when she suddenly grabbed my right hand, stopping me from walking further.
"Anak!" she called while holding onto my hand.
I pulled my hand away, forcing her to release me.
"Anak, please, talk to me first!" she pleaded, tugging at my shoulder so I would turn to face her.
When I faced her, I couldn't bring myself to look into her eyes. I didn't even want to see her, much less speak to her. Because of the enormous mistake she had made.
"Anak," she said again, her voice soft and trembling, as if she were about to cry.
"Anak, even just a little time—please give me a chance to talk to you and be with you. I'm begging you," she added, as her tears slowly fell.
I couldn't help but cry as I kept my gaze fixed in the distance.
"Anak," she said again, this time placing her hands on my shoulders.
"I know it won't be easy to forget the sin I committed against you and your father, but I hope someday the time will come when you can forgive me," she said, still sobbing.
"Why didn't you think of the consequences of what you did? Did you think it would just be that simple? Did you really think that by saying the word 'sorry,' I would forget what you did?—No!" I answered, my voice breaking as tears ran down my cheeks.
"Back then, did you ever think of how I felt? Did you ever consider what would happen to me because of what you did? Did it ever cross your mind what the effects would be on me?—You didn't, did you?" I added, my words choked with tears.
"That's why I'm here, to ask for your forgiveness. Please give me the time to explain, even just a little," she begged, still crying, as she reached out to hold my hands.
"Explain? What more is there to explain? Isn't what I saw back then enough? What else do you need to explain?" I shouted, my tone burning with anger.
"You're the reason I had to go to Canada. You're the reason Andrei and I were separated for so long! You promised me that we would come back soon. You promised we wouldn't stay long in Canada, and that's why I agreed to go with you. But as time passed, what was supposed to be two or three years suddenly became fourteen. I clung to your promise that we wouldn't be gone for long, that we'd return quickly, but what happened? What did you do?
"Now tell me—what else is there left to explain?" I shouted furiously at her.
I couldn't control my emotions anymore, and I ended up saying everything I had been holding in.
"Anak, I'm sorry for what I did," she muttered softly.
Then she suddenly embraced me, but I couldn't stand it—I pushed her away.
"Anak, please," she pleaded.
"Go back, and don't ever come back here again," I said firmly.
"Anak, please, I beg you, talk to me first," she insisted, still clutching my hand.
"There's nothing left for us to talk about. Everything is clear to me now," I said coldly.
"Leave already, you're just wasting your time here. Maybe your lover is already looking for—"
I didn't finish what I was about to say because she suddenly slapped me across the face.
"Anak, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. Did I hurt you?" she said, her hands reaching to touch the cheek she had slapped.
But in my anger and frustration, I pushed her hands away and shoved her back.
"If that's how it's going to be, then just leave. You're only wasting my time!" I snapped, storming out of the house.
"Anak, wait, I cooked your favorite chicken curry. Please, eat first!" she called after me while I continued walking out.
I didn't look back or answer. I just rushed out of the house and quickened my steps.
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"Forgiveness isn't the same as forgetting — and I remember everything."
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