Love.
The word wouldn't leave me alone. It was like eyeliner smudged under my skin, staining everything i thought about.
He'd said it so casually. Like it was just another nickname, like calling me "Dork" or "Emo queen." But it wasn't. Not to me. To me, it felt like a spark tossed into a room soaked with gasoline.
I lay on my bed later that night, the glow of my lights throwing green and blue shadows across the posters on my walls. My phone sat heavy in my hand, screen lighting up with Ash's name every few minutes. Dumb memes. A song link. A "u still awake?" Text.
I answered, but every reply felt like walking on a tightrope. Did he mean it? Did he know what he was doing to me? Or was i just another joke to him, some playful word he'd forget tomorrow?
I typed out, "Why'd you call me love earlier?
And deleted it.
Instead i typed "XD since when do you use pet names??"
Deleted that too.
Instead, i sent back: this song slaps and hoped he couldn't see through the screen into my brain where everything was falling apart.
Because if Ash actually meant it... if he actually saw me the way i saw him...
I didn't know if my heart could survive it.