"Miles!" Bella dashed to him as soon as he collapsed. Her heart skipped a beat. Her breathing hitched. She shook him. Slapped him. Poured water all over him.
Still, he was unconscious. Pale. Cold. Barely breathing.
Bella's lips trembled. "You can't die you fool."
Bella eyed the nurse that walked into the waiting area for the umpteenth time. "Number 81! Dr. Brown is ready to see you."
Bella watched an old man rise to his feet while latching onto a man who looked like his son.The old man coughed. Spittle flew to the ground.
Bella wasn't sure but she thought she saw blood too.
As soon as the pair disappeared down the corridor, the waiting continued. For the next name. For the doctor's words that may not be kind.
For some reason, she felt the same way she had during the auditions for Bloom House, the first modeling agency she worked for.
The lines were long.
Too long.
There were so many girls around her. Tall girls. Curvy girls. Short girls.
Some looked like goddesses on land. Some were average joes. Plain. Bland. What mother would call, dying stars. Barely shining. Barely flying. Barely living.
Despite the multitude, the silence was heavy. Too heavy.
It felt like they were in a competition -one where the lines had already been drawn. The stakes too high.
No one smiled. No laughed. No one moved.
Yet, there was a deeper noise that echoed in the room. In their minds. In their eyes.
In the silent comparisons. The judging looks.
All of it crammed in this quiet little room, with over a hundred girls.
Bella jolted out of her thoughts when the nurse called someone else. After there was silence. Again. She flexed her knuckles, fighting away the numbness that gripped them.
If not that she was dark, she would have been completely white by now. Bella's eyes scoured the room again.
They were 30 by the time she came in. Now they were 14.
Still, the pressure didn't lessen. It seemed to intensify.
The silence in the waiting area was different from the one that filled the room during her auditions. That one was quiet. Dead silence. One driven by determination. Resilience.
Greed.
This one wasn't devoid of sounds -moans, cries, breathless consolations- but bordered between life and death. A passageway between worlds.
Recovery..... or a slow march to the end.
The smell of bleach stung her nostrils. She stared at the white tiled floor.
The doctor was silent. One minute passed. Then two. Then three.
"Spit it out!" Bella yelled. She forced her trembling fingers to still. Her stomach churned. The doctor sighed.
He adjusted his coat before leaning forward. He gently removed his glasses before placing them on the table.
"I'm sorry, Bella. He's dead."
Bella gasped. A prickle teased the corner of her eyes.
Don't cry, silly. He can't die. He's too stubborn for that.
But, he isn't immune. He isn't strong. He's weak. You know that. What if..... this is the end?
Bella massaged her wrist. Sweat tickled the back of her neck despite the cold, stale air from the cooling units.
He will be fine. Everything will be fine.
He'll be fine. He has to.
Penelope's grave scalded her mind. Her chest tightened. She gripped the arm of the chair as though her life depended on it.
You need to calm down.
Bella swallowed the bitter saliva.
"What are you doing here?" Bella asked upon noticing the crowd that swarmed her door. Teary eyes. Sad expressions. Candles.
"We came to comfort you. We know Miles is dead."
"No he's not!" She tried, her voice falling flat too soon. He wasn't. He was still breathing. He had to.
"Don't be stupid, he's gone."
Another drop slid down her forehead. The scenarios flashed by so fast that she barely comprehended one before another swallowed her whole.
But what if he dies? Penelope died. Daddy died. Who says Miles won't?
If Miles died, who would you have left?
The question made the hollowness in her chest peak.
She had to get out. To breathe. To escape the aching thoughts that attacked her within this white tiled, completely sterile yet lifeless environment.
She stood up and walked out the door.
The sun was already setting.
The parking lot was almost empty save a few cars. The evening breeze tousled her long hair, wiping away the sweat that clung to her skin in salty patches.
She walked down the staircase. Then sat down on the last step.
On a normal day, she wouldn't even imagine herself here.
She hated hospitals. The whole idea of them, even. The sight of blood. The lifelessness in people's eyes. The thread of sanity that could snap with a negative diagnosis from a doctor.
Or worse, a dead body.
Someone rushed past her. Bella noticed the retreating figure of a woman with long red hair. She stopped at a black car that a girl -who looked about 7- climbed out of. She shared the exact same hair color as the woman.
"Is he awake? Did you tell him I drew pictures of him? Did you tell him I've been doing the dishes?!" the girl bounced on her heels as though completely immune to the hidden dread that simmered in the air. To the invisible currents that permeated every human being that walked through these walls.
Bella's smile turned bitter.
The joys of childhood.
Bella couldn't see the woman's face but she noticed her shoulders were shaking.
Bella's throat tightened as she watched the girl's face scrunch in panic. " I didn't mean to hurt you mummy! We can play monopoly while we wait for daddy in the car? I know you miss him but-"
"Jenny, your father is dead." The girl didn't blink. The hand already reaching to grab her mother's stilled.
No. Bella clenched her fists.
"Dead?"
Her mother wrapped her in trembling arms.
"That's a lie! Daddy said he was feeling better yesterday. He can't be dead!" The girl struggled with her mother, hitting her as she wrestled in her mother's embrace.
Their wails echoed in the silence of the park.
Miles is going to die.
Why does everyone I care about disappear?
Maybe that's how it's supposed to be. You're meant to be alone. Live alone. Die alone.
Bella brought her knees to her chest. His calloused voice echoed in her mind. His stutter. His intense coffee cravings. His workaholic nature. His bland taste in fashion. His unwillingness to unburden. To unpack.
To share.
All of that and more. It annoyed her. Angered her to no end. Yet, she didn't want it to end. She couldn't imagine moving through that empty house. Couldn't imagine not having him tell her off for not washing some stupid dish. Or not telling her that he was not her servant.
She couldn't imagine not having someone so calm yet so bold by her side. Someone that was obviously hurting yet chose to fight. To live for the sake of others. To work to make the people around him smile.
Someone that didn't look at her as an object of fame. Money. Connections. Someone that was real to her. Said the truth to her face. No matter how painful, yet still the truth.
Her world blurred. The tears she tried to keep at bay finally spilled. One. Two. Then it turned into an overflow.
By the time she stood up, all her sides were aching. She felt utterly horrible. She was sure she didn't look good either.
But, she didn't care.
As soon as she walked in, the nurse that assisted in putting Miles in a stretcher, met her.
"The doctor would like to see you now. It's about your brother."
***
The hospital room was even worse than the waiting room.
The heart monitor murmured in the background. A gaggle of other machines she couldn't recognize were connected to Miles' body in some way.
And Miles.....
He looked worse than he ever had.
The lighting did nothing to hide the pallor of his completely white skin. His cheeks were sallow and his lips chapped. His hands twitched from side to side. Bella could see the line of sweat that formed on his forehead.
The right corner of his lip twitched. She wasn't sure if she imagined it but his eyes squeezed tighter.
Bella swallowed the lump in her throat.
The sharp tang of antiseptic thickened as soon as the door creaked open. The doctor rushed in.
She looked about 40. Honey brown skin. Skinny. Dark eyes. Braids tied neatly in a bun.
"I apologize for wasting your time. I had to attend to another patient." The doctor pulled off her gloves before stuffing it into her pocket.
"You're his sister?"
Bella nodded. The doctor gave her a once over with raised brows.
"Really? Miles never mentioned you."
Bella inhaled and blocked out the raging thoughts.
"We....were separated."
The doctor nodded in understanding. "I'm Dr. Doris. I've known Miles for some time so I was surprised when the nurse told me he had a sister."
"So, what's wrong with him? Why did he faint? Will he be okay?"
"First of, he will be. He should regain consciousness in a matter of hours. Secondly- he fainted due to acute caffeine toxicity."
"Being his sister, you should have noticed his coffee habit. One cup here. One cup there."
Bella nodded.
"Well, his body has already been subject to a number of things. Stress. Insomnia. Dehydration. And that alone can put a lot of strain on the body. Imagine that plus excessive caffeine intake. That'd be a complete disaster."
"What do you mean?"
"I've warned him about this before . Cutting back on the coffee. Dialing it down a notch. He's already been having underlying issues -even before today. Heart burn. Headaches."
"But with this level of caffeine intoxication, it's put his body in a bad place. His system can't handle it anymore. Caffeine has been keeping him together. Through the stress. The insomnia. But now, that might be the very thing that tears his engine."
Dr Doris took another breath.
"In simple terms, next time he might not just pass out. He might never wake up."