She felt sick.
The rays of morning light illuminated the room, banishing the shadows that usually hoarded the corners by night. In the morning, there should have been strength. Sharpness. Hope. Peace.
But she was beyond burdened. Her stomach became led, dragging her down from the edge of her bed to her knees on the floor. In. Out. The rancid taste on her tongue didn't quell. Instead, it intensified.
She could still taste it. The burger. The grease that clung to her lips, dribbling down her chin before forming a small muck on the floor. The buttery buns. The crispy lettuce. The sharp biting onions.
The memory made her want to vomit. To redeem herself. To repay her debts to herself.
It's not even up to one month in and you're already slacking off.
It was a mistake.
Bella was angry. Angry that Miles would instantly assume she had faked the letter. Confused by how the letter had been blank. Unsure whether or not she imagined everything she saw, though she strongly believed that there was writing on that letter. But, with every ticking second that passed, it faded in her mind like a memory that was chaffed off her memory slate.
Bella shook again. She held her night shirt that had developed creases from her tossing and turning all through the night.
Lily, a bright alto singer with a wild mess of platinum curls and hazel eyes, invited her to an amusement park yesterday with her friends. Initially, she'd wanted to refuse, but for the sake of her friends encouragement she gave in. And of course the fact that anywhere was better than this house, as she and her brother had not said a word to each other these past three days.
It was a blast. Bella smiled a little, the oppressive clamp around her throat loosening its hold on her hoarse neck.
At the end of the day, they went to a restaurant. She could still remember the look that the others gave her as she opted for a salad that looked, truthfully speaking, like a mess of mismatched, tired ingredients.
"Just one won't kill you. You were awesome today. Come on. Our treat."
Bella groaned, placing her head in her hands as she leaned back against the frame of her bed. She intended to throw it away once she got home. She really had. But then she took a peek.
A peek which turned to a bite. And a bite which led to a soon empty wrapper.
Her stomach felt heavier. Her face felt like it was already pulling down. Like her cheeks were already swelling. Her gait already bloated, making her feel sluggish. Bella picked up a small mirror from her bed.
Her face still looked fresh. She exhaled.
But it won't last forever.....
Her heart jumped.
Knowing you, you'd ruin everything as always.
If you stayed with your mom this would never happen.
Her mother's words breezed by her, rushing past her skin like the wispy night air without a form but still able to cause a layer of goosebumps.
"Doll, you've worked so hard to maintain this look. Let's not ruin it over a craving."
Bella suddenly felt thirsty. She stood up, ignoring the ache in her shoulders before going downstairs. She passed by the living room where Miles was seated on the sofa facing the tv, his eyes fixed to the screen and his hands around an old looking radio.
Like he had been for the past three days.
The eye bags underneath his eyes were much thicker. His lips looked chapped. His skin had paled significantly for not being under the sun for some time.
There was a small bin beside him filled with a lot of coffee bags.
Too much to be healthy for a person.
She didn't allow her eyes to linger on him for too long. She trudged to the kitchen. She opened the fridge, looking for a cold bottle of water when she noticed the remainder of the cinnamon rolls that Miles had brought back three days ago.
Her mouth watered.
One bite won't hurt.
Yeah, that's exactly what you said with the burger.
That jolted her out of her mouth watering. She stood straight and shut the fridge. Hard. She inhaled, every breath scraped raw against her ribs. No more. What was she thinking?
"Doll, do you really want to be one of those girls they let go?" Her mother said softly, watching her after she had finished complaining about how she was tired of repeatedly running on the treadmill everyday.
Bella was silent.
Her mother walked to her and tapped her shoulder lightly. "Get back to work, Bella."
She shook her head. Imagine if anyone saw her fattening up now. Then they'd know it's because she couldn't survive the world without her mother. Something she grossly wanted to disprove.
She'd skip breakfast and lunch. Dinner, even. To get her calories down and her body back in shape. Maybe she should go to the gym-
"Bella."
Her brother's voice broke her out of her own spiralling thoughts.
Bella turned back and noticed her brother's gaze on her. She raised a brow in question as she moved away from the kitchen and the sudden crave for pastries. Her lips smacked together in longing, still.
"What do you want, now?" Her voice was cool, cold even. But the letter incident still skittered at the back of her mind, leaving an insatiable itch.
Miles took a deep breath then he sat up. "I need your h-elp to get into a h-otel."
Bella blinked. "What?"
He sighed again and once again she noticed how deep the bags beneath his eyes were. Like long harrowing shadows that dragged his eyelids, making it near impossible to stay awake.
"Look a-t this." Miles gestured toward the tv.
Bella's gaze swiveled to the tv. Miles increased the volume. A pale skinned man stood in front of the camera, his dark curls neatly gelled back.
He almost reminded her of Blake. Her lips turned down.
"This morning, one of the guests of the Silverset Hotel was found, dead, burnt to a crisp. This has put all guests on edge as investigations are already-"
The reporter was cut off by the television switching off. Bella gave him a questioning look.
"I ne-ed you to help m-e to get into this hotel."
"As in?"
"I mean you cre-ate a distraction for me. Like what you did fo-r the WDG."
"What? Why would I do that?"
"I just-" Miles ran a hand through his hair, looking away from her. "I can't ge-t in. Alright?""
Bella raised a brow, leaning against the wall beside the sofa that Miles was sitting on. "I thought the police force was allowed to investigate crime scenes. Unless-" Bella's brows knitted together.
"Unless you're planning to do something..... Illegal?"
"It's.... complicat-ed."
"But, wi-ll you he-lp me?"
"Really? Now you want my help? I didn't know you allowed pranksters to help you."
"Look forget th-at-"
"I should forget what?" Bella narrowed her eyes before kicking off the wall. "Forget that you assumed that I was pranking you! Forget the fact that you don't take me seriously!"
Miles inhaled, running a hand down his face.
"Look. I'm so-rry, alright? I shouldn't ha-ve said that. I just ha-d a lot on my plate."
Bella waited for him to continue but he fell silent.
As expected. Once again she wondered, what would it take to be able to get into his mind.
"Fine. I'll do it. But it's going to cost you."
Miles' eye narrowed. "What?"
Bella chuckled. "Did you really think I would do something like this for you for free?"
The thought of having to perform as the Bella that everyone once knew. The queen of poise. The one that took the modeling world by storm.
Her heart skipped a beat. She felt so out of tune with that life.
"Fine. Then, wh-at is it?"
Bella didn't even have to think far. "Tell me what living with daddy was like."
That stopped him. Bella watched him go rigid. He was as still as a statue, barely breathing. Her brows furrowed.
"Aren't there bett-er things you can as-k for?" He forced a smile, his lips trembled slightly at the corner "I mean if you want a fancy-"
"No. Jus-t that. So, are yo-u in?"
A long tensed minute stretched between them. With each passing second, she wondered,
Was it really that bad?
Did she even want to know?
Was she prepared for the truth?
"Fine-" Miles suddenly looked drained like he was just a husk speaking. Devoid of life. Just simply working through the motions. "I'll say. After we get ba-ck."
"Okay then. So what do I have to do?"
***
Bella had barely opened the door when the first camera flash exploded like a gunshot, blinding her. Bella squinted against the glare of cameras, blinking every two seconds.
She stepped out of the cab. Her velvet wide trousers followed after the clink of her silver stilettos.
Security swarmed around the crowd, barking orders for them to pull back. The night air whooshed past her skin, ruffling her straightened hair. Electricity crackled through the air. The chaos of rising shouts, flashes and thrown questions caused her ears to ring.
Bella paused. Miles talked about sending an anonymous tip of her coming to a media house. Even so, as her eyes skittered about the crowd, she wondered how he did it.
The world turned. Her ears rang. She didn't expected these many people. For a second, she forgot how to breathe. Then she did inhale. One. Two. Three. Four.
She exhaled, pulling on her signature smile.
She walked down the glass archways, her steps muted against the rolling red carpet. The glass archways sprang up from where she had been dropped off down to the entrance a few feet away.
The huge lights along the glass facade of the hotel burnt her skin. She straighted. Elbows bent. Her shoulders back, highlighting the puffed sleeves of her white blouse.
Her stomach didn't stop churning. It couldn't. Bella only hoped he would be able to get in, as soon as possible. And that she wouldn't regret what she was doing today.
Come to think of it, I need to charge him more....
Voices pressed from all sides, eager, sharp. Hungry.
"Bella, what are you doing here in Rivera City?"
"Have you considered going back to settle things with your mother?"
"What exactly is your plan now?"
"Was this break supposed to be brief or permanent?"
All their voices pressed on her from all sides, hitting her like a truck. Suddenly, she felt disoriented. A few were able to break past the barricades and into the glass archway. One man, short yet visibly bulky blocked her way, a mike in hand.
"Your fans have been talking a lot about your disappearance. What do you say to it? Are you planning to apologize to your mother and get back with her?"
Bella gave a tight lipped smile, one she barely managed to hold up.
"Disappearance? I like to term it as unplugging. Sometimes a retreat is the best treat you can give yourself. Don't you think?"
The man nodded, understanding, "And your mother?"
"Mother?" The word tasted so bitter in her mouth. Tart. With a tang of salt that caused her tongue to shrivel. For once, she wanted to come out with the truth. Without the slippery words. Or the persona of a loving daughter.
Her mother had shown her true self to her. There was no point in hiding any longer.
"My mother," she chuckled lightly. Harsh. Bitter. Unfiltered.
"She's the very epitome of grace. Influential. Very doting. A woman who knows how to rule her own world. That's what the world sees. But, do you know what I see?"
The mummurs receeded, her words piercing through the near quiet parking lot.
"A power hungry architect who's done everything within her power to get me off my game. Thrown every obstacle. Played every card in the book. But, guess what?"
"I stand taller. Unstoppable. Untouchable Because, there's one thing I have that she doesn't. Do you know what?"
Bella smiled. "Confidence. I don't hide behind anyone. I do my own thing. I dress my own way. Thank heavens, I left her, grinding in the dust. Because the best thing that's happened to me is leaving her in her castle of air."
The silence was deafening. Taken back by her brutal honesty. Even the man's eyebrows were raised.
But he recovered quickly. "So, are you saying you actually did all the things she said you did?"
She laughed. Cutting through the thick air, bouncing and silencing the growing mummurs once again.
"Arguing innocence is a waste of time. Time will tell and all must be revealed."
She felt her watch beep, buzzing against her wrist.
He's in.
With a dramatic spin, she backpedaled, leaving the crowd in a stunned silence.