Bella drew down the baseball cap she wore, slipping on a pair of shades from her bag just in case. Bella shuddered as she slipped into the taxi, the blazing sun in the afternoon greatly contrasting with the chilly night air that gripped her face. She didn't acknowledge the driver as she sat down. Bella lay her head down and inhaled.
The lump in her throat thickened, her hands shaky and her nose still filled with snot. Her eyes still felt like they were burning, her mouth and throat dry as she hadn't eaten all day. Her stomach rumbled but she knew that it wouldn't accept anything even if she tried. Bella played with the necklace by her chest. Her heart slowed down underneath, icy with the pain that froze it over. Bella reclined on the seat as she recalled a similar experience.
She remembered seeing her younger self standing before Penelope's grave, head bent as the sun's rays kissed her skin. She remembered how she had sat down beside the grave and began to talk as if she were there, listing all the girls that were plotting against them both and all the boys with their annoying tactics. Bella remembered how she had placed the bangle that she had given her before the attack on the grave as she tried to bite the cry that wanted to force its way out of her mouth.
It took a longer time for Bella to swallow down the accumulated saliva before she sniffed. Bella let herself go down the memories of Penelope and her, refusing to acknowledge the soul of the body that would be buried today. Bella continued until the car skidded to a halt and the horn jerked her out of her gloomy stupor. Bella jolted up before sighing. She exited the car wordlessly before slamming the door shut.
Bella didn't have to tell the taxi driver to wait as he remained there. Bella stood by the side of the road which overlooked a forest, evergreen leaves bursting from branches that hung from large tree trunks. A single path wove through the midst of them, sweeping down the boughs until it disappeared out of her line of sight. Bella tilted her head back a little and then she noticed the lines of cars that swept down from the beginning of the path down the edge of the road.
Had all these people come for her father's....?
The word still made her heart jump, the roar of blood in her ears steadily growing louder. Bella was about to take a step down the boot trodden muddy path when she paused. She realized she didn't want to see this, she didn't want to see this whole event that would be a final seal to show that he had truly died. That he was gone. Bella clenched her fists and despite herself, forced her leaden legs to move, her oldest tennis shoes sinking into the soil, mud splattering onto the white soles. Bella forced herself to focus on one step. One step at a time. She cajoled her mind to concentrate on the squelching of her shoes or the trickle of water from the artificial channel that curled along the road or even the tweeting of night birds that pranced the moonlit sky.
But all of it, somehow reminded her of him. The birds tweeted with a melody like his father would, his voice able to go several octaves higher with such startling precision and stability. Bella was unable to block out a picture of her father chasing her down with a hose as they ran around the backyard, the spraying of water causing her to shriek with giggles. Bella remembered another time when she had fallen while practicing for a race that they were doing. She had faceplanted into the mud. Most kids had snickered, barely able to conceal their laughter as she bowed her head in shame, tears threatening to tear out of her eyes. Her father had come as always, a dashing knight, as he too made a fool of himself by falling over on purpose.
Bella removed the glasses and wiped her eyes furiously before putting them back on. After what seemed like eternity, alone with the glimpses of the past and the sounds of the forest, the path tilted to the left. It led to a large clearing that was abuzz with fireflies, their tiny lights giving the clearing an ethereal feel. The clearing was crowded with people already, completely quiet as they each held up white candles that burnt with a deep orange flame. Bella almost kicked herself, she had forgotten about the candles. She pushed her glasses higher as she stayed off to the side, her back straight.
Bella couldn't hear anything because of the crowd, she could only catch a glimpses of a short heavy set man dressed in black like the others. After a few minutes, people started going one by one to touch the longer candle that the man at the front held with their own. After everybody had done that, they all took a step back and watched him light an ivory pillar candle that looked about 12 inches tall that shuddered as soon as it had been lit, the orange flame cackling in the silence. Another man with hair as brown his tanned skin came forward, holding a large lantern. The candle was placed in the lantern before it was shut and carried to a pole that overlooked where the coffin would be. Bella squinted and she could almost see the outline of the shiny brown coffin, engraved with his initials.
She swallowed.
The man started saying something else again and Bella soberely watched all of them drop their flowers and leave. As they began to file out, she realized that they were even more than she thought. Bella waited patiently for everyone else to leave before she moved in.
She sighed as she stopped at the coffin. The light from the lantern glinted on the polished wood. The cackling of the flame of the lantern was the only thing that Bella could hear as she stared down what held her father's body. She sat down on the sand, not minding that her clothes would be soiled after all that was the whole point of sending someone to buy these second hand clothing.
The silence almost pinned her down. A silence that would never exist when he was alive, always a joyful laugh and horrible jokes to his gig. But now, it was all quiet. Her insides twisted at the thought.
"So..." Her throat was hoarse as her world blurred.
"I'm back. Yeah, after almost eleven years.." She tried to stop the tears from falling but they refused to heed her command as one cold drop slid down her cheek. She sniffed.
"I'm so sorry. I tried to contact you in every way possible; letters, secret phone calls, using multiple people's phones. Heck, I tried to smuggle an envelope into a mail truck! But somehow, mother was always one step ahead of me!" Bella's could almost hear her father's chuckle in the breeze at her angry tone.
"You look cute when you're angry, Bells. Like... a glazed doughnut." Her father chuckled as he sat beside her. Bella folded her hands over her chest and furrowed her brows. With narrowed eyes, she tried to make herself look as intimidating as she could.
"I'm not a doughnut! Besides, i'm not cute, I'm fierce like a lioness." She tried to growl at him which made her father snicker.
"Did Johnny tell you that?"
Bella flushed which made her father laugh harder. His guffaws made her feel like sinking through a hole at the fact that he had discovered her secret.
"How did you know that?" She countered with what little dignity she had left.
"I'm your dad, sweet cheeks. I know everything. Besides," He added, "you can't hide your crush to save your life. I'm sure all the boys in the neighborhood would know by now."
"That's not funny!"
"Okay, okay maybe not all.... but most." He laughed again.
Bella gently took a flower before playing with its petals. "Do you remember the time we tried to grow those roses?" She remembered how they had tried to grow roses, her father had insisted that having such was a necessity as he was 'all about love'. Bella could only snicker at the destruction they had both caused to the yard. She chuckled lowly, remembering how livid her mother had been.
"It was your fault mother grounded me." But you camped with me just so I wouldn't suffer her wrath alone. More tears fell as her heart tightened.
"I...I... I love you." She whispered softly, a mere wisp in the breezy night that was tossed about the spaces between the trees and bushes that populated the area around. Those three words caused her limbs to shake, her breathing to hitch as her kness quaked underneath her. She toucheds the coffin, her tears dropping onto the yellow sand.
She should have tried harder, she should have. To contact him, to find him, to reach him but no. Bella shook her head in regret. She hadn't instead, she had just given up, letting herself get carried away by the gold of fame, letting the most valuable person in her life fade out of existence. She bit her lip so hard that it drew blood. The ache was nothing compared to the pain that sheared her heart. Now, when her mother had pushed her to the wall was when she finally realized that she should come home, after the man had already departed from this world.
Bella suddenly felt anger shoot through her veins. How could someone do this to her? She suddenly realized that Miles hadn't even shown up. She gritted her teeth. It was so like him, never giving her a glance or paying attention to anything their father had to say. He had always shunned every attempt that his father made at conversation or getting him to hang out with them. She laid her head against the coffin. If only he had been the one to be taken away by her mother, to be the one that her mother had fought custody of, she would have had her father to herself.
But she knew that her mother had had no business with her brother. She made it clear in every meal they had, every conversation between the family. She never saw him or anyone else that wasn't of value to her. Her brother was invisible to her. He never mattered. Different in a bad way, unable to fetch her money in a modeling deal so he should be thrown away.
"The night sky is filled with all kinds of stars, some shine so bright that it is impossible to not notice their glow. While there are others," her mother put a large bow on her hair. "that were destined to fade, invisible and left to be forgotten forever."
Bella lay trapped there for who knew how long, trapped in the spheres of the past. By the time she got up, her legs ached all over and her eyes were even more red than before. When she reached the entrance of the clearing, she glanced at the coffin one last time. At the man that had seen her for who she really was. Not for her beauty nor the riches he could get from her, but for her, Bella. And with a withering breath and a numb heart, she walked away from him again.
This time, for good.
***
Bella watched through the tinted windows of the taxi as it swept past the massive steel gates of the hotel. Cameras flashed outside, people trying to get a picture of her. Irritation stirred in her gut and she fixed her eyes forward, ignoring all the nosy reporters that shouted questions or people that just wanted a picture. Even the crazy fans that would usually both amuse her and enlarge her ego made her feel angry. Her father had just died, gone for good and yet no one knew.
But of course instead, it was false news that continued to dribble down everyone's lips.
When would Bella and Blake Peterson get married?
For some reason no one had actually really commented about her being in Rivera City. No doubt her mother had something to do with it. Bella was sure that the woman didn't have the faintest clue that her ex-husband was now six feet under, buried in a backwater forest in the city. And Bella could only imagine her, sharing tea between businessmen and women alike as they chatted about when the proposal would be arranged and where she would be getting married.
Bella slammed her feet into the seat in front of her, ignoring the burning that tore down it.
The taxi driver glanced at her with a bored expression, obviously more concerned about the seat. Normally she knew that she would have been so concerned about him not giving her that star crossed look that she was used to but now, she was almost relieved that he wasn't a crazy fan. As at now, she needed silence to put her turbulent emotions together because at this point, she was like a jug that was filled to the brim, about to topple over any minute from now.
Bella shook her head as the car slowed due to the incoming traffic up front. Bella knew she had to get her game together, tell Blake for one that there was no marriage and of course confront her mother. That single thought almost stirred unease within her. Her mother had been the one that had made every decision for her for so long that it was difficult telling her to her face that she needed to stop, that she needed to take a step back and let her take the lead.
Bella knew she needed to get in control, needed to feel in control. But for now it was so draining to think about all this and she needed a break. Bella looked out of the window, lost in thought for moments. After a very traffic filled ride, they arrived at a small cinema. The carpark was small, only few cars still gracing the gravel with their presence. As soon as the taxi stopped, she eased out the door before slamming it shut. Bella wouldn't admit it but she like this man, he was quiet, knew what to do and how to do it.
Bella walked down the car park and came face to face with the building. She tilted her head. The sign that read 'Silver Bird Cinema' that usually glowed was now tilted, barely hanging by a thread. The white paint had more patches than she remembered, grey in those areas.
Bella shook her head as she walked in. Even the reception was almost dead as mostly staff in overalls with worn faces walked about. The smell of popcorn that usually sauntered through the air was now gone, replaced with it was a stale smell that Bella couldn't put her finger on. After she had paid for the only movie showing, which was a children's movie that made her pity the producers, and her popcorn, which was essentially charred corn, she entered the theater.
Bella sat at the very back, her eyes adjusting to the dimness of the theatre. The big screen that showed the movie at the front had cracks running along the edge.
Bella inhaled, everything had really changed. Bella watched the movie wordlessly, not entirely interested in the movie but the memories this place held. She could almost feel her father sitted beside her as they both watched an action movie, one that she had wanted to opt out of watching but had decided to since she knew her father would like it. She remembered how she had sat down and screamed through it all, every blow and crack of bone causing her stomach to do all sorts of flips. People had complained to the manager and after the movie ended, nobody could stop giving her death glares. She had felt extremely bad, almost to the point of tears when her father had joked loudly that action movies were so overrated.
Bella almost chuckled even though her heart tightened for the umpteenth time.
She wished he could be here. She laid her hand on the arm of the wonky seat, ignoring the pricks of iron against her back. Her eyes glistened, her father would normally squeeze her hands.
She shot up before ducking out of the theater.
***
Bella felt dead inside as she lay on her bed. As she was about to doze off, her phone rung out. She groggily reached out to it and picked the call without identifying the caller.
"He-"
"Bella. It's so good that you've finally picked your calls." Her mother's icy tone made the sleep leave her eyes in an instant. With a hiss, she asked,
"How did you get this number?"
Her mother laughed, the one that now grated on her nerves. That one that said she had her ways of doing things, whether it was legal or not.
"You're needed back home, doll. I have a flight arranged for you already, I've allowed you dawdle around enough. Play time's over."
"You don't get to tell me what to do, mother. Especially after what you did."
"Which is...?" Her tone was casual as she let it hang in the air.
Bella gritted her teeth, her temper flaring.
"The marriage, mother." She seethed.
"Oh, that? Was that ever supposed to be a problem? I had told you before, you can leave the marriage after we take all their funds-"
"Are you even hearing yourself? So I can't marry someone I love because you're looking for innocent people to prey on? Is that why you married Dad too, for his money?!"
The laugh that followed after made Bella tremble with fury.
"For one, doll, no in this industry or world even, is innocent. Secondly, you can get married for love eventually... as long as he bring enough to the table-"
"How-"
"And finally, you and I know that your father was never that rich but he was the best I could.... acquire at the time. What of it though? We divorced, we're living our own happily ever after. I'd say it worked well in the end."
"You destroyed our family!" She could feel the tears filing down her cheeks, the ache hollowing out her chest.
"But it worked out it in the end, didn't it?"
"No it didn't."
Her mother hummed and Bella could almost imagine her pursing her lips.
"Tell me, doll. How so? You breathe in money. You're famous, loved by all, a star. I helped you to actualize your dreams-"
"I never dreamed of this! I never wanted any of this! I never wanted to leave daddy but you made-"
"I thought you'd have gotten over these daddy issues by now. I didn't have a daddy while i was growing up but guess what? It doesn't matter because it all worked out in the end, we're rich now."
"You're despicable. All you care about is money."
Another cold laugh came from her, one that chilled her down to the spine. This wasn't how her mother usually approached, she usually had this calculated tone, her calm gaze and carefully pieced kindness that Bella realized recently that only hid deceit. But now, she was being bare, airing her true self to her.
"And what are you, doll, may I ask? You breathe in money and you breathe it out and who did it all? Me. You travel around, go to luxury hotels, buy designer clothes, wanting only the highest priced things on the market. Who made that possible? Me. You walk around in shoes that are worth millions, roll in limos that catch people's attention and you can't say you don't enjoy every piece of it. How then, may I ask, are you different from me, doll?"
"I-"
Her mother chuckled again.
"Or wait let me guess the reason for this. You met with your father and he somehow convinced you should give up modeling-"
"He's dead."
That kept her silent.
"Well.... that is quite unfortunate. You-"
Bella cut the call before hurling the phone at the floor with as much force as her angered self could muster. It shattered on impact. Her mother didn't care, of course she didn't. Bella leaned forward and curled on the bed, the sleep gone as she was too caught up in the angry thoughts that made her feel like throttling someone. She hoped no one would stupidly knock because she wasn't sure she would be able to control herself.
Bella knew breaking all these phones, wouldn't stop her mother. Bella felt suddenly claustrophobic like she'd been tied to a corner for too long. It felt like the walls were closing in on her. She wasn't like her mother. But somehow from the way Miles looked at her, she knew that he thought she was exactly like her. Manipulative. Hypocrite. Greedy. That's what she saw everytine he caught her gaze by mistake. She shouldn't care about what he thought about her. She really shouldn't.
But she knew that she did, so badly did. She always had and it had broken her heart every single time he gave her that slightly concealed disgusted look.
She'd always be her mother's doll to him. Not anymore.
She exhaled. She was going to prove him wrong. Prove to him that she was in her control, that her mother no longer held the reins of her life.
That would be her first step at taking full control.