My brother sent a text meant for his girlfriend. To me.
Leo: Babe, I'm at the main gate. Where are u?
My eyes narrowed, a wicked grin spreading across my face.
Me: Babe, I just got out of the classroom.
The chat bubble showed he was typing… then stopped. Then started again. I kept going.
Me: Did you wait for me so we could go home together? I'm so touched!
Me: Babe? Why aren't you answering?
His reply finally came through, a string of angry texts: Stella, what the hell is wrong with you?! Stop messing with me.
Five minutes later, a Venmo notification popped up: Leo sent you $50. The note attached read: I'm begging you. Don't tell Mom and Dad I'm dating someone.
1
The last final exam of senior year was finally over.
As I walked out of the gymnasium, I switched my phone off airplane mode. A flood of notifications erupted on my screen. I'd just finished clearing them when a new message from my brother, Leo, popped up.
Babe, I'm at the main gate. Where are u?
A visceral cringe went through me. My brows knitted together. What the hell was wrong with Leo?
I stared at the message, piecing it together. I remembered overhearing him on the phone a while back, calling someone "babe." I'd always suspected he was secretly dating someone, but I never had proof. When I'd tried to subtly ask, he'd just gotten defensive and denied it.
And now, he'd just served the evidence to me on a silver platter.
A malicious smile touched my lips as I tapped out a reply. Typing the word "babe" to my own brother made my stomach churn, but the thought of how much it was making his squirm was pure bliss.
Me: Babe, I just got out of the exam hall.
The moment I hit send, I saw the three little dots appear. Leo is typing…
They appeared and disappeared. Again and again.
Ten minutes passed. I had walked almost all the way from the academic building to the school gate, and still no reply. He'd chosen to play dead, hoping I'd let it go.
Not a chance.
Me: Did you wait for me so we could go home together? I'm so touched!
Me: You're the best, babe! ❤️
Me: Babe? Why aren't you answering?
Finally, he snapped.
Leo: BABE???
Leo: Stella, what the hell is wrong with you?! That's enough!
I laughed at the screen.
Me: Omg, is someone dating in high school?
Me: I bet Mom and Dad would be very interested to hear about it.
Five minutes later, a Venmo notification. His tone had softened considerably. I'm begging you. Don't tell them.
I let the message sit, leaving the money untouched and my reply unwritten. I could already see him standing by the gate in the distance.
I had to admit, my brother was good-looking. In a sea of drained-looking seniors, his height and the way he held himself stood out effortlessly. I slowed my pace, ducking behind a large stone pillar to watch. I was dying to see who this girlfriend of his was.
After a few minutes, it wasn't his girlfriend who showed up, but someone completely unexpected.
A guy in a white tee and black jeans coasted to a stop beside my brother on his bike. His features were sharp and handsome, his aura cool and confident. When he smiled, his profile was brighter than the sun.
Julian Ji.
Our school's resident heartthrob and Leo's best friend. Top of the class, captain of the soccer team. He already had an early acceptance to Yale. Just by standing there, he drew countless gazes. He was so good-looking it was almost unfair.
Through the crowd, I saw Leo chatting with Julian, his eyes constantly scanning the students pouring out of the gate. I stayed hidden.
A moment later, a girl with a high ponytail appeared. She slipped her arm through Leo's as if it were the most natural thing in the world, her face tilted up with a sweet smile.
I quickly pulled out my phone and started recording.
I recognized her. Chloe Liang. One of the school's well-known beauties, an art student.
Damn. My brother was punching way above his weight.
2
I took a quick video, then zoomed in and snapped a clear picture of their linked arms. I sent it to Leo with no caption.
From my hiding spot, I saw him glance down at his phone, his expression instantly souring. A second later, my phone buzzed.
Leo: You like Julian, right?
Leo: I'll help you get with him.
I raised an eyebrow. I didn't expect him to use my crush on Julian as a bargaining chip.
Julian was our neighbor, and honestly, he'd always been nicer to me than Leo was. He was handsome, smart, and came from a good family. He was kind to me, often bringing me little gifts. It was hard not to like him. He was a natural charmer. I was only human.
Me: OK.
I put my phone away and emerged from my hiding spot, jogging over to them and pretending it was a chance encounter.
"Leo!" I called out.
He shot me a dirty look. Chloe quickly let go of his arm, blushing as she greeted me.
Julian smiled at me. "How'd the last one go?"
"Pretty good," I beamed back. I glanced between them. "You guys have plans?"
"We do," Julian nodded.
"We're busy," Leo said, his voice cold. "You can go home by yourself."
I ignored his attempt to dismiss me. "Can I come? I'm so bored now that school's out." I directed the last part at Julian. "Please?"
He was a good head taller than me, and when he looked down, his eyes crinkled at the corners. A slow smile spread across his lips. "Sure," he said gently.
"No!" Leo snapped. "Stella, this isn't for you. Don't just invite yourself."
I stared at him, the atmosphere growing tense.
Chloe tugged on Leo's sleeve. "It's okay, really."
"Yeah, let her come. It'll be more fun," Julian added. "She's not a stranger."
Leo suppressed a wave of irritation and grumbled, "Whatever." He grabbed Chloe's hand and stormed ahead.
Julian patted the top of my head and leaned in, his voice a low whisper by my ear. "Don't mind him. Your brother's just… awkward."
My heart skipped a beat. His closeness enveloped me in his scent—a fresh, clean fragrance from his clothes.
I didn't reply.
3
Leo and I are fraternal twins. Our relationship has been a disaster for as long as I can remember. Arguments and fights were our daily routine; sibling bonding was a foreign concept.
When we were five, he lost me.
I was gone for five years. From five to ten. The official story is that I was lucky, taken in by a kind family. When my parents finally found me, I stood before them and accused Leo of abandoning me on purpose.
All I got was a chorus of denials.
"You're remembering it wrong, honey."
"Your brother would never do that."
"It was an accident."
"You can't blame him anymore, do you understand?"
From that day on, I hated Leo with every fiber of my being. At my worst, I'd wish he'd trip down the stairs, choke on water, get struck by lightning. Vicious, useless thoughts that swirled in my head constantly.
Those five years of separation didn't earn me more affection from my parents. Instead, I was met with a subtle, pervasive distance. They thought I wasn't the same sweet girl I used to be. They thought the five years I was gone had broken something inside me.
Petty. Vengeful. Difficult.
Those were the words they used to describe me when they thought I couldn't hear. I'd overheard them one night when I couldn't sleep and went downstairs for a glass of water. Their conversation in the living room felt like a physical blow. I choked back a sob and cried silently in the darkness of the hallway.
I saw a sliver of light from the room next to mine. The door was cracked open.
Leo had heard them too.
Through my tear-blurred vision, I saw him hesitate, wanting to approach me but pulling back. When he finally took a step toward my hiding spot, I fled back to my room and slammed the door.
After that night, I learned to be the "good girl" they wanted. Or at least, to look like her.
4
I tagged along with them to a burger joint. Julian was incredibly attentive, making sure I got the fries from the middle of the basket—the best ones. Leo, on the other hand, was distracted, probably brainstorming ways to get rid of me.
In the middle of her meal, Chloe suddenly put down her burger and waved toward the entrance. I turned instinctively.
My heart sank.
It was Serena Bai. The person I despised more than anyone on the planet.
During the five years I was missing, she was the girl my parents brought home to be my replacement. My cousin. When I came back, I raised hell to get her out of our house. Leo knew exactly how much I detested her.
So, all these years, they had kept in touch behind my back. They were so close they'd formed their own little clique.
I shot a hateful glare at Leo. He was looking right at me, his expression a cold, mocking smirk. "I told you not to come."
His words were always so sharp, so piercing.
Julian frowned and kicked Leo under the table. "Leo!" he warned.
I swallowed my anger, my eyes fixed on Julian's profile. My heart ached with a bittersweet pang. He was the only one who ever stood up for me.
Serena walked over, all smiles. "Sorry I'm late!" Her eyes landed on me, and her smile faltered for a fraction of a second. Her tone turned cautious. "Stella? You're here too?"
Maybe it was my bias, but her words rubbed me the wrong way. The subtext felt like I shouldn't be here.
I've never been nice to her, but in public, especially with Julian around, I always kept my temper in check. I forced a tight smile and a nod, then said nothing more.
Serena looked at the empty seats, feigning confusion. "Where should I sit?"
"There's a spot next to me," Julian offered.
It was a six-person booth. I was sitting with Julian, and across from us were Leo and Chloe. Serena could have easily slid in on their side, but at Julian's invitation, my smile immediately fell.
"Oh, good! You guys got all my favorites," Serena chirped as she slid into the seat to Julian's left. She took a bite of a fry, her appetite clearly robust. "So, how'd finals go? You guys confident?" she asked between mouthfuls. "We all promised to go to the same college. No backing out now, okay?"
Leo chuckled. "Don't worry, it's in the bag."
"I think I did okay, too," Chloe added.
Julian just smiled. "Well, you guys can all go together. Looks like I'll be at a different school all by myself."
"Oh, please, stop flexing, Mr. Yale," Serena teased.
They laughed and joked, talking about things I didn't know, inside jokes I wasn't a part of. Their easy familiarity was like an invisible wall, shutting me out completely. I ate in silence, the food turning to ash in my mouth.
Half the food on the table had been ordered by Julian. I realized now they were all Serena's favorites.
Listening to their cheerful banter, my gaze fell on the cup of iced tea beside my hand. I had ordered it out of habit. They all had sodas. I was the only one who was different, the odd one out. Staring at the condensation beading on the cup, I felt a wave of nausea.
So, Leo, Julian, and Serena were this close. Even Chloe and Serena seemed like old friends. Yet I, Leo's actual sister, didn't even know his girlfriend until I caught them today.
This was their little group. I was the uninvited guest who'd forced her way in.
I was Leo's twin sister. I was the one who met Julian first.
But somehow, I was the one who didn't belong.
5
"Stella, which university are you thinking of applying to?" Julian asked, noticing my silence and pulling me back into the conversation.
I looked up and met his gaze. His eyes held that familiar, gentle smile I adored. It was his eyes I loved most—always smiling, warm, and when they focused on you, they held a kind of attention that made you feel like you were the only person in the world.
I knew I wasn't special. I knew he was just polite, nice to everyone.
But I was greedy. I wanted to be the only one he looked at that way. I wanted his kindness all to myself.
Staring into his eyes, I slowly uttered a single name: "Harvard."
Silence fell. Everyone looked at me, stunned.
Serena let out a short, sharp laugh. "Wow, Stella. Aiming high."
Leo didn't say anything, just studied me with a thoughtful expression.
Chloe played along. "Ambitious! I like it."
Julian's eyebrows rose slightly, the corners of his eyes crinkling. "Then I'll see you in Cambridge."
Serena's expression flickered. She turned to Leo, her smile plastered back on. "Is Stella's GPA really in that range?"
Leo gave a faint nod. "Top ten in our year." He glanced at me before adding, "But Harvard's still a long shot for anyone."
This time, Serena's smile was genuine. "Well, good luck, Stella."
Hah.
I lowered my gaze, a cold sneer on my lips. Every single person at this table was so fake.
6
Leo and the others had already booked a private room at a karaoke bar. After dinner, we headed straight there.
Serena had a beautiful voice, and the night quickly turned into her solo concert. I wasn't interested. My attention was solely on Julian.
"Stella, want to sing a duet?" Julian asked, holding a microphone out to me as the opening notes of a popular love song began to play.
I was about to reach for it when Serena, who had just finished her last song, spun around and plopped down on the couch right between Julian and me, creating a physical barrier.
"Oh, I love this song! Can I sing it, please?" she pleaded, looking at Julian.
"I'll sing it with you," I interjected, my voice flat.
Serena's face stiffened for a moment before she graciously replied, "Okay, sure."
Julian leaned back against the sofa, his head tilted as he watched me. He extended his long arm and handed me the other microphone.
It was the most awkward duet in history.
Afterward, Serena monopolized Julian, chatting with him endlessly. I pulled out my phone and sent two texts to my brother.
Me: I thought you were going to help me with Julian?
Me: So? Are you?
Leo glanced at his phone, then immediately turned the screen off.
"I'm going to the restroom," Serena announced, standing up and walking out. A minute later, Julian also got up. "I'll be right back."
Looking at the two empty seats, a tight, uneasy feeling started coiling in my stomach. A restless anxiety. Leo was ignoring my texts and was now singing some cheesy love song with his girlfriend.
I scrolled through my phone, my thumb hovering over Julian's profile picture. It was a simple, minimalist icon of a black cat.
Suddenly, my fingers tensed. My gaze fell on Serena's backpack, which she'd left on the sofa. Dangling from the zipper was a fluffy, black cat keychain.
7
I didn't want to connect the dots, but I couldn't stop myself. Maybe it was just a coincidence. Maybe Serena was just copying him because she had a crush.
I left the room and headed toward the restrooms. The hallway was a long, gilded corridor, the identical doors of private rooms stretching out before me. I turned a corner, and a scene in front of me made me freeze in place.
Serena was pressed against Julian, her face buried in his chest. His hand rested gently on her hair, his gaze soft with an indulgent fondness I'd never seen him give anyone else.
The lights in the hallway were blindingly bright, making my eyes sting. A wave of dizziness washed over me. In that instant, it felt like someone had squeezed my heart with an iron fist. The pain was so sharp it drained the color from my lips.
Why?
Why was everything I ever wanted snatched away by Serena?
The year after I went missing, Serena came to my family. We were cousins. After her parents divorced, she ended up with her father, and her stepmother treated her poorly. Grieving for me and seeing a family resemblance in Serena, my mother brought her to live with us.
Our family was wealthy. Serena moved into our villa and took my room, my clothes, my life. She enjoyed everything that should have been mine. My parents called her their precious daughter. My brother told everyone she was his sister. They all loved her.
The day they found me, I was a dusty, ragged little thing. I looked up at Serena standing at the top of the stairs, dressed like a princess, looking down on me as if I were something she'd scraped off her shoe. The moment I heard her call my parents "Mom" and "Dad," something inside me snapped.
I lunged at her, screaming. "They're my mom and dad! He's my brother! You can't call them that!"
I was like a feral animal, hysterically attacking the intruder in my territory.
That first year back home was a living hell. It took every ounce of my energy to force my parents to finally send her away. Over the years, I'd still see her at holidays, and every time, my parents would compare us. No matter how hard I worked, how much I excelled, I was never good enough. They believed I was ill-mannered, petty, broken.
I'd been hurt. I'd cried. I'd suffered. And even now, I was still trying so hard to prove myself, to protect what was rightfully mine.
But it was never enough.
My parents weren't just mine. My brother wasn't just mine.
And now, Julian wasn't mine either.
They all loved Serena. They didn't love me.
8
I turned around and found Leo standing right behind me. He had seen it too.
His expression was complicated. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out.
I brushed past him without a second glance.
"Stella."
He caught up to me in a few steps, his voice low. That one word was the spark that ignited the bonfire of resentment that had been smoldering inside me all night.
I spun around and, without warning, slapped him hard across the face.
He froze, stunned. Then, fury blazed in his eyes. "What the hell is wrong with you?!"
I stared at him, my voice trembling with rage. "Was this your idea of helping me? You knew they were together, didn't you? You brought me here just to watch me make a fool of myself. Is it fun? Watching me act like a clown? Am I just some pathetic joke to you?"
The shame and anger of being played, of having my feelings trampled on, brought hot tears to my eyes. What hurt more was that this humiliation came from the person who was supposed to be my closest blood relative.
Tears streamed down my face as I let out a self-deprecating laugh. "My own brother… helping an outsider trick me. You've always been like this. So hateful. Leo, you have no idea how much I hate you."
Leo stared at my tears, speechless. He raised a hand as if to comfort me, then let it fall uselessly to his side.
"I didn't know," he finally said, his voice quiet. "I didn't know they were together."
I wiped my tears away, finding his excuse laughable. "You didn't know? You're so close. He's your best friend, she's your precious 'sister.' How could you not know? You know I hate Serena, but you kept seeing her behind my back. You know I like Julian. You know everything. You just wanted to watch me get hurt."
I looked at my brother, my heart aching with a familiar, deep-seated sense of injustice. The darkness that had been building inside me for years consumed me, making my whole body hurt.
I screamed at him, my voice raw with pain. "I'm your real sister! Your twin! Why do you hate me so much?!"
From a nearby room, the faint sound of a sad love song drifted into the hallway. We stood there, facing each other in silence. In his eyes, so similar to my own, was an emotion I'd never seen before.
Then I saw them. Julian and Serena had appeared at the end of the hall, their faces etched with shock.
I turned and ran. I just wanted to get away from that perfect little circle where I would never belong.
9
I wandered aimlessly through the streets, passing under one streetlight after another, watching my shadow stretch and shrink on the pavement. I finally found a bus stop and sank onto the bench. Staring at the cars speeding by, I was suddenly hit with a wave of regret.
Regret for letting my emotions show. Regret for saying all those dramatic things. It made me sound like I actually cared about him, about being his sister.
How embarrassing.
The bus stop was deserted. A glance at the schedule told me it was past eleven; the buses had stopped running. My backpack was back at the karaoke bar, but at least I had my phone. I didn't want to go home. I started walking.
As I reached the river and was about to cross a pedestrian bridge, I saw a small figure hauling a huge trash bag, rummaging through a public garbage can. The child's clothes were dirty and ill-fitting, hanging off a frail body. When they heard my footsteps, they looked up, their eyes wide with fear.
The sight struck me like a lightning bolt.
The southern summer night was hot and humid, the air thick and still. In seconds, a cold sweat drenched my body. The world around me started to spin, the lights of the city blurring into a nauseating vortex.
A memory, buried and locked away, slammed into me.
The past I never wanted to remember rose up like a nightmare, choking me. I collapsed onto the ground, gasping for breath, my own heartbeat thundering in my ears.
Through the haze, I thought I heard Leo's voice. He suddenly appeared in my monochrome world, his face frantic as he called my name.
Something sweet, a piece of hard candy, was pushed into my mouth. He pulled the hair tie from my wrist and gathered my sweat-drenched hair into a makeshift ponytail. Unable to find a tissue, he lifted the hem of his own shirt and gently wiped the sweat and tears from my face.
I must be dreaming. In my dream, my brother was worried about me. In my dream, my brother was gentle.
He was actually acting like a brother.
10
Leo was carrying me on his back across the bridge. My mind had cleared, but I lay limp against him, my eyes open, staring at the dark, inky water below. I never thought he'd come after me. I was quiet, saying nothing.
He used to carry me like this when we were little. But that was so long ago, I'd almost forgotten the warmth. For years, we'd been at each other's throats. I was all thorns, and he was all venom. There was never an ounce of sibling affection between us. The feeling was so foreign it felt like I was being carried by a stranger who happened to look like my brother.
"Stella," he said suddenly.
I didn't answer. He knew I was listening and continued anyway.
"Look, I knew Serena was into him. But I swear, I had no idea Julian felt the same way. I wasn't trying to humiliate you."
I let out a low, cold laugh. "Oh, you didn't know. I guess you also didn't know I hate Serena?"
"That's exactly why I told you not to come. But you insisted."
His words made me dig my nails into his shoulder. I heard him hiss in pain. "So you were protecting her," I gritted out. "You could have just told me you were meeting her. You know, being friends with someone I hate is the same as being my enemy. That's how it works."
Leo tried to set me down, but I clung to him, refusing to let go.
"Be reasonable," he said, his voice tight with restrained anger. "If I had told you, would you have stayed home? No, you would have come anyway just to start a fight. Serena is our cousin. I've known her my whole life. I can't just cut her off. She hasn't done anything wrong to you. Can you please stop being so childish? Stop going after her all the time."
Suddenly, I went still. I stopped struggling. I let my limbs go slack and slid off his back.
I stood in front of him, my face a blank mask. "I am the way I am today because of you," I said coldly. "Don't you dare lecture me."
I walked past him, my strides long and determined.
I should have known. Nothing had changed. I shouldn't have let myself hope.
I'm childish. She's innocent.
So, what does that make me? Was it my fault I got lost? My family's love was split in two, and half of it was given to her. She owes me. And I will always, always hate her for it.
The bridge seemed to stretch on forever. I stared at the lights on the far shore as my vision blurred with tears, again and again. A hot tear traced a path to the corner of my mouth. It tasted salty. Bitter.
11
The summer vacation days droned on. The only difference was that Leo had stopped fighting with me. The sudden release from the intense pressure of school left me feeling aimless. For a whole week, I did nothing but binge-watch shows and get sucked into the latest trending mobile game. It was revenge-relaxation.
Leo was rarely home. He had a lot of friends and was always out. Sometimes, before coming home late, he'd text me.
Leo: Getting late-night tacos. Want some?
The first time he did it, I was floored.
Me: Is this really you?
Leo: Do I need to send a selfie to prove it?
It was as if that night after the exams, he'd decided to actually try being a brother. My parents were always busy, so during the day it was just me and our housekeeper.
I was in the middle of a game when a message from Julian popped up: Are you home?
I hadn't seen him since that disastrous night. Seeing his name now, the image of him and Serena embracing flashed in my mind. The black cat on his profile picture no longer seemed cute. It was just… annoying.
It took me a while to reply.
Me: Yeah, what's up?
Julian: Brought you something good. I'm downstairs.
I got out of bed and walked to the balcony on the second floor. Down below, under the bright sun, Julian waved at me. The sight of him sent an involuntary jolt of joy through me. Forgetting all my unhappiness, I rushed downstairs.
He'd brought me boba and a pastry from my favorite bakery.
"Sweets always help lift the mood," he said. "I don't know what happened, but you've seemed really down lately. I want you to be happy, Stella."
I didn't understand. He noticed I was unhappy. He cared if I was happy. Wasn't he with Serena? What was this supposed to be? If he was being this nice to me, what about her? He knew we couldn't stand each other.
Julian paused, then chuckled. "Is it a bad thing? There's no why. I guess I'm just nice to you because I really like you, Stella."
My heart hammered against my ribs. I could feel my face flush. He pushed the boba tea, with a straw already in it, toward my lips. His handsome eyes were smiling.
"You're like a sister to me, too."
I took a sip. The cold liquid, combined with his words, extinguished the ridiculous spark of hope in my chest. Sister. I stiffly took the cup from him.
"Are you and Serena dating?" I asked quietly.
Julian looked surprised, then quickly denied it. "No." Noticing the look on my face, he thought for a moment. "Did you see her hugging me?"
I blinked and nodded.
"She confessed to me, and I turned her down. She started crying," he explained. "We've been friends since we were kids. I couldn't just push her away." He studied my expression. "Are you mad?"
Why would he ask me that? I stared at him without a word.
"Stella, are you unhappy because of me?" He rested his elbow on the table, propping his chin on his hand as he looked at me, his head tilted. The loose collar of his white T-shirt shifted, revealing the elegant line of his collarbone.
He was flirting with me. That was the only thought in my head.
Acting on a sudden, bold impulse, I pushed the boba I'd been drinking back toward him. "Want to try some?"
A flicker of surprise crossed his face. His eyes darted to the straw, then back to me. My expression was innocent, but my heart was racing. This was a test.
"What are you two doing?"
A sharp voice made me turn. Leo was back.
What a shame. I was about to pull the drink back, but to my surprise, Julian took the cup from my hand, lowered his head, and took a sip from the very same straw.
He smiled at me. "It's sweet."
In that moment, the blood rushed to my head. The world faded away, leaving only the thunderous beat of my heart and the boy in front of me.
12
Serena had been rejected. I was thrilled. That little boba test made me realize Julian might actually be interested in me.
I didn't confess. He didn't make another move. We were stuck in a strange, delicate limbo. A push and pull. An unspoken flirtation.
The days passed quickly. Tired of being cooped up, I made plans to go shopping and see a movie with my best friend, Maya. Before I called her, I texted Julian.
Me: Want to see a movie?
He replied about fifteen minutes later.
Julian: Sorry, Stella. Have plans with friends today. Another time?
I felt a pang of disappointment but told him I understood.
At the mall, Maya and I watched a mediocre superhero movie and ate at the food court. The only good part was catching up.
"Did you know your brother and Chloe Liang are official?" she asked out of the blue.
"How do you know?" I asked. I thought Leo was keeping it a secret.
She scrolled through her phone and then showed me the screen. "I saw it on Chloe's Instagram story. We had a class together freshman year."
I looked at the photo. Chloe was leaning her head on Leo's shoulder, her smile radiating happiness. I navigated to her main feed, my finger pausing on her most recent post. The caption read: Victory Study Group Post-Finals Celebration!
The picture was of four boba teas, all lined up on a table.
The mall's air conditioning was blasting, but I suddenly felt a chill run down my spine.
"Would you be friends with someone I hate?" I asked her, the question coming from nowhere.
She blinked. "Uh, no? That's like, the number one rule of friendship. A total betrayal."
"What if the person I hated was a childhood friend of yours?" I pressed.
"Huh?" She looked troubled. "That's tough. I'd probably try to get you two to work it out."
"And if we could never, ever reconcile?"
"Ugh… then I guess I just wouldn't hang out with you both at the same time."
"What if I made you choose?"
She groaned. "Stella, why are you asking me this? They're both my friends. I couldn't choose."
I managed a small smile. "I'm just kidding."
"But Stella," she said, taking my hand, her expression serious, "if someone ever really hurt you, I would always, always be on your side. No question."
I smiled back, a real one this time.
13
After saying goodbye to Maya, I started walking home. As I passed a street corner, my eyes were drawn to a reflection in the large window of a coffee shop. I stopped.
I stared at the group of people sitting by the window, rooted to the spot. Handsome guys and beautiful girls, brimming with youthful energy. Leo was leaning back in his chair, a possessive arm draped over the back of Chloe's. Serena was smiling and saying something, then playfully tapped Julian on the arm. Julian just smirked.
The four of them. A perfect, happy picture.
And me, still on the outside looking in.
My expression was calm. I took in every detail.
Suddenly, my eyes met Leo's through the glass. He sat up straight, a look of shock on his face. His sudden movement caught the others' attention. They all turned to look.
The way Serena's face fell was almost comical.
I smiled. A slow, deliberate smile, as if I were greeting old friends.
Julian stood up, but Serena grabbed his arm. For some reason, I didn't feel jealous anymore. Or angry. Just a profound, weary numbness.
I tore my gaze away and walked off. In my peripheral vision, I saw Leo and Julian rushing out of the café. I ducked into a small alleyway.
When I emerged from the other side, I looked up at the setting sun. The soft, golden light couldn't reach the cold place in my heart.
"Star."
I was brushing past a boy on the sidewalk when he spoke.
He called me Star.
The word was like a key turning in a lock I'd forgotten existed, deep inside my brain. I froze, my pupils dilating. I could feel his eyes on my back, but I didn't have the courage to turn around.
I broke into a run.
I ran into the crowd, across one intersection, and stopped at the next, waiting for the light. Sweat plastered my hair to my skin. The evening wind felt cool, but I was trembling.
I hesitated, then finally gave in. I turned my head.
Across the river of flowing traffic, my eyes met his. He was tall, easy to spot in the crowd. And he was handsome. A clean, refined kind of handsome. He was wearing a loose, black long-sleeved shirt, even in the summer heat. As the wind blew, the left sleeve billowed and swayed, empty.
That empty, fluttering sleeve sent a sharp pang through my chest. The little boy from my memories merged with the figure in the distance.
He just stood there, watching me, his eyes filled with a quiet sadness and longing.
The light turned green. The people around him started walking toward me, but he remained frozen.
I hardened my heart and turned away. The moment my own light changed, I ran, not looking back.
I finally stopped under a large tree, panting, my heart pounding. The image of his mournful eyes replayed over and over in my mind. My chest felt so tight I wanted to cry.
I started walking again, but each step felt heavier than the last. I stopped. A few seconds later, I spun around and ran back the way I came.
I ran past the corner, through the crowd, against the wind, all the way back to the intersection. I scanned every face, but he was gone.
The sun had set. I desperately searched, but he was nowhere.
"Noah Lin!" I cried out, standing on the sidewalk, calling the name that had been buried in my heart for years.
The pedestrians hurried past, no one paying me any mind.
I lowered my head in defeat. I shouldn't have run.
14
"Star."
A pair of sneakers appeared in my field of vision. I snapped my head up.
The last trace of daylight vanished, and the world was bathed in a deep, twilight blue. The boy was looking down at me. The small, reddish mole at the corner of his eye seemed to dance with the slight tremble of his eyelashes.
"Noah Lin," I whispered, my voice shaking. A mist formed in my eyes, and tears began to fall.
"Don't cry."
Noah raised his right hand. I took a step forward and threw my arms around him. He stiffened for a moment, then wrapped his one arm around me, holding me tight.
"I finally found you," he whispered into my ear.
15
Meeting Noah Lin was the one piece of luck in the five dark, terrifying years I was lost.
I was never taken in by a "kind family." That was the story my parents told everyone, the story they probably told themselves to make it bearable.
The truth is, I was taken by a child trafficking ring. They kept a lot of kids in a dilapidated house in a remote village. The healthy, pretty ones were sold off quickly. The rest of us were taught to steal.
When I was little, I would go mute whenever I was scared. They thought I couldn't speak, so I just kept up the act. It saved me. They forced us to learn all sorts of pickpocketing techniques. Beatings were normal. The food was slop. I learned to be obedient, which spared me some of the abuse. I had seen what happened to the kids who weren't. The images were the stuff of nightmares.
Noah was different. He called one of the men in the ring "Uncle." He lived in a different house in the same village. The first time I saw him, he was carrying a worn-out sack. His uncle was yelling at him, telling him to go home.
Noah, though just a child, had a maturity beyond his years. He just said calmly, "Grandma said I can only spend the money I earn myself."
His clothes were old but clean. His face was angelic. He didn't belong there.
All of us kids were regularly loaded into a van and taken to the city to beg and steal. Someone was always watching. Kids tried to run. None of them ever succeeded.
Noah came to the city too, but he spent his days collecting recyclables in his sack. He never spoke to us.
Maybe because he was different, or maybe it was just instinct, I felt like he could be my lifeline. After I had stolen my required amount for the day, I would run off and help him collect bottles. At first, he was cold. But he never stopped me. His uncle, who was one of our watchers, just turned a blind eye.
Over time, I became Noah's little shadow. I loved collecting bottles with him. It made me feel clean.
Gradually, Noah warmed up to me. Sometimes he'd secretly give me snacks. His uncle eventually gave his tacit approval. "She can collect trash with you," he told Noah. "But if she runs, I'll sell you, and you'll never see your grandma again."
Noah gave me the name Star. When he asked for my real name, I couldn't speak, so I just pointed at the night sky.
One time, he almost fell into a deep drainage ditch. In a panic, I screamed for help. After he was safe, he clamped his hand over my mouth, his eyes wide with fear. If they found out I wasn't mute, I would have been sold off. Noah knew that. "Star, don't ever speak," he whispered. I burst into tears and clung to him, terrified I had almost lost him.
Because of Noah, I was eventually allowed to leave the hellish yard where we were kept. I moved in with him and his grandma. I didn't have to steal anymore.
His uncle kicked him lightly. "Not bad, kid. Already got a girl wrapped around your finger." He looked me over. "She's a mute, but she's pretty. A mute and a kid with one arm. Guess you two make a pair."
I didn't know what he meant. Noah probably didn't either.
Noah's grandma would look at me with pity and helpless sorrow. She asked if I remembered where my home was. I shook my head. The memories were already fading. But I remembered my parents' names, and my brother's. I recited them in my head every single day, terrified I would forget.
16
I never expected to see Noah again. When I returned home, I shut away the memories of those five years. Our separation felt final.
But I had made him a promise. "Study hard," I'd told him. "We'll go to the same university. We'll see each other again."
He believed me. And the moment his high school finals were over, he came to find me.
"How did you know I was here?" I asked.
"I remembered the city you lived in, and your parents' names," he said. "I looked it up online. Your family owns a business. It wasn't hard to find." He paused. "I'm sorry. I know you probably don't want to see me. But I've missed you. I just wanted to see you, to know that you're doing okay."
My first instinct when I heard him call me Star was to run. I ran because I was afraid of the memories he represented. But after that initial fear, I turned back.
Besides my family, Noah was the kindest person I had ever known. He held a special place in my heart. When our eyes met across the traffic, I knew. He was still the same Noah.
I looked at him now, really looked at him. He was handsome as a child, and he'd grown into a stunning young man, easily on par with Julian.
"Noah, you got really handsome," I blurted out.
He seemed flustered, his ears turning red as he averted his gaze.
I giggled. "I think that's the first time I've ever seen you blush."
My hand drifted to his empty sleeve, and my mood dipped. "Did anyone bully you? Let me see." I reached to lift his sleeve.
He pulled back, his lips pressed into a thin line. "Star, we're… older now," he reminded me softly.
I froze, then my face burned.
"No one bullied me," he said. "You know me. I don't let things go."
He was right. Noah might seem quiet, but there was a core of steel in him. Still, missing an arm made him a target. Back then, when the police finally raided the village, I was sent home. Noah was taken away by his biological father, who had abandoned his mother years ago but came back for him after being unable to have more children. Noah didn't want to go. But after his grandmother passed away and I left, he had no choice. Looking at him now, his clothes were simple but expensive. He must have suffered.
I didn't believe for a second that no one had bullied him. He just didn't want me to worry.
17
Noah told me about his life, glossing over the hard parts, but I could read between the lines.
"Now you," he said, looking at me. "I want to hear about you."
If there was one person in this world I could bare my soul to, it was Noah. He knew my darkest memories. I didn't have to pretend with him.
I told him everything. About my return home, my resentment of my parents, my hatred for my brother, my animosity toward Serena.
I rested my forehead on his shoulder, my voice muffled. "To be honest, my memories of getting lost are blurry. I just remember that Leo lost me. Now that I'm older, I feel like maybe he wasn't lying. We were so little. When I was a kid, I couldn't understand why my parents wouldn't take my side. Now I get it. They couldn't punish one child to appease the other. And Serena… I just hate her. While I was suffering, she was living my life. I'm bitter. She didn't personally do anything wrong to me, but I can't help but blame her."
That day, when I saw Leo and the others laughing together, something inside me just… gave up. I was so tired of being angry.
Noah patted my back gently. "You still have me," he said. "I will always be on your side. Star, you are my first and only choice. But… I hope you can be happy."
Holding him, staring out into the night, my thoughts felt lighter. The restless, empty space in my heart was finally, blessedly full.
18
Noah was staying in a hotel near my house. I went to see him whenever I could.
"Are you… dating someone?" Leo asked one day, watching me with suspicion.
I had changed. I no longer went out of my way to fight with him. He had come home that night from the café and tried to explain, but I just gave him a noncommittal "uh-huh." My temper had vanished. Hearing Serena's name no longer triggered me.
When he asked if I was dating someone, I shook my head. It was the truth. Noah and I weren't a couple. Not yet.
"What about you and Julian?" he asked.
Julian. He'd texted me, and I'd replied politely. When we saw each other in the neighborhood, it was a quick hello and nothing more.
I didn't like him anymore. Not since the day I saw them all together. Someone who wouldn't choose me, someone who didn't prioritize my feelings—I didn't want that. He might have been interested in me, but he wasn't willing to give up his friendship with Serena. So I made the choice for him.
19
On the day the SAT scores were released, I left home early to meet Noah.
When I got home later, the house was crowded. My family was there, along with Julian's family. And Serena.
My parents rushed over. "Stella, did you check your score? What did you get?"
"It's okay," my mom said soothingly. "It doesn't matter if you didn't do well."
"Yeah, Stella, it's fine," Serena added, practically bouncing. "Leo and I both got in the high 1400s. We can apply to the same schools!"
Leo came over. "But your grades were always good. You should have at least cleared 1500, right?"
At the mention of 1500, a flash of envy crossed Serena's face. "You said you wanted to go to Harvard. Are you embarrassed your score wasn't high enough?"
I stared at her and slowly smiled. "It's not that I did poorly. It's that I don't know my score."
Everyone looked confused, except Julian. He spoke first. "Congratulations, Stella."
Serena's face fell. "Why are you congratulating her?"
"Her score was redacted," Julian explained with a smile. "In our state, they redact the scores for the top fifty students to prevent media frenzy. Stella, I'll see you in Cambridge."
Serena's eyes darted between me and Julian, and her own eyes began to well up.
My parents were ecstatic, praising me endlessly. A moment later, they were comforting a tearful Serena.
My father looked at me, his voice sharp with disapproval. "A good score doesn't give you the right to look down on others. Character is more important than grades."
I looked at them, bewildered. "I'm happy. I did well. Am I not allowed to smile just because she's crying? It's not my fault she's upset."
I walked over to Serena.
And without warning, I slapped her across the face.
"There," I said with a small smile. "Now you have a real reason to cry." I turned to the stunned crowd. "And now, I admit it's my fault."
My mother looked at me, her eyes filled with disappointment. "Stella, how could you?"
Julian frowned, stepping forward. I shook him off and walked out. The air outside felt so much better.
"Stella!" Leo followed me out.
"What, you want to defend your precious little sister?" I sneered.
He sighed. "No. I'm worried about you. What Serena did was wrong. And Mom and Dad shouldn't have said that. Stella… I'm sorry."
I looked up at him and was silent for a long time. "An apology doesn't mean anything if the person who was hurt isn't willing to accept it," I finally said. "And Leo? I don't accept it."
20
Noah and I both got into Harvard. After my acceptance letter arrived, I had an idea. "Noah, let's go on a graduation trip!"
"Okay," he said without hesitation.
I don't know how Leo found out, but when I saw him at the airport, my face went dark.
"A boy and a girl, alone on a trip? Not on my watch," he scoffed.
We started arguing right there before Noah stepped between us, holding me back. Leo was seething. "Don't you dare hug my sister in front of me."
Noah's calm eyes met Leo's. "A brother is supposed to protect his sister. Did you protect her?"
Leo fell silent.
For the rest of the trip, Leo hovered constantly. It was so uncomfortable I finally snapped. "Don't you feel ridiculous?"
"What's ridiculous about being nice to my own sister?" he shot back.
That night, I snuck out. Noah was already waiting. We ran from the hotel to the beach to look at the stars.
"Leo is so annoying. Let's ditch him tomorrow," I said.
"Okay," Noah agreed.
I laughed. "Actually… I think I'm kind of happy. This is what I always imagined having a brother would be like. What I've been angry about all these years isn't that I got lost. It's that they found a replacement for me. I'll never forgive them. The hurt is still there."
Noah took my hand. Just looking into his eyes brought a sense of peace to my soul.
"Noah, I feel like doing something bad."
His eyes flickered. As I leaned in closer, he suddenly dipped his head and captured my lips with his. The kiss was cool, like the sea breeze, and sent a tiny electric current zipping through me.
21
On the way back to my room, I noticed a few grains of sand outside Leo's door. I paused for a second, then went into my room without a word.
Back home, I overheard Leo telling my parents, "Don't let Serena come to our house anymore." Serena called me, demanding to know what I'd said to him. I just hung up and blocked her number.
My parents tried to bridge the gap, but it was too late. I spent my days counting down until college, video-chatting with Noah every day. I couldn't wait any longer and left for school a few days early.
Noah was at the airport to meet me. The moment I saw him, I ran and threw myself into his arms.
"I was going to do a koala jump on you," I mumbled into his chest.
Noah looked down at his missing arm. "Run back and do it again," he said, completely serious. "I can catch you. I can hold you steady with one arm."
And he did.
22
I ran into Julian on campus.
"Stella, I've been waiting for you," he said. "You said you were aiming for Harvard because of me…"
"No," I cut him off. I looked at the boy I once had a crush on and said, very clearly, "I didn't do it for you."
Julian frowned. "Are you still mad? I told Serena I can't hang out with her anymore."
"Star."
Noah appeared by my side. His gaze was cool as he looked at Julian. Julian's eyes dropped to our intertwined hands, and his expression soured.
I smiled and made the introductions. "This is my boyfriend, Noah Lin." I then gestured to Julian. "This is my neighbor, Julian."
Julian stared at me in disbelief, the light in his eyes instantly dimming.
I had no time for his drama. I aimed for the Ivy League, first, for myself. And second, for the promise I made to Noah.
"Was he your first love?" Noah asked quietly as we walked away.
I stopped. The little mole at the corner of his eye seemed to droop with sadness.
"No, he doesn't count," I said quickly. "If we're talking about first loves, that would be you."
Noah just looked at me. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed his lips.
"You are the most important person to me, and the person I like the most," I whispered. "No one else even comes close."
A small smile finally graced his lips. He leaned down and kissed me back.
"Me too."