Cassian's POV
Her hazel eyes hook into me first—not just seeing, but digging. Like she knows every secret I've choked down.
Have I seen her before?
I don't think so, but this feeling claws at every inch of my memory. Her presence unearths memories I'd buried, flaying them open under a merciless light. Fresh blood. Shadows. Things I refused to name.
But what business does she have with these?
There shouldn't be a connection, but… it's nothing.
She is not concerned with that, but the chills that had crept into me at that time seems to come into play again. That realization that had dawned on me… I see it in her eyes as she mirrors me. No… My breath hitches.
"Elara." I force the word out from my lips.
She stares intently at me, and I wonder what she sees in my gaze. Or she's getting the chills looking at me. Or some part of her is hinting at something that has no meaning. Just the way I feel?
I lean closer, and I notice she's shifting herself into the mattress.
"Don't…" she says through shaky teeth. "Don't touch me…
And her voice…
Her presence sharpens the memory, making it more vivid. Blood on my hands, soaked into my clothes, and the floor I stood. There, the weight of everything I did dawned on me, and it was just too heavy. Even now.
My hands become shaky, but I suppress it by swallowing and holding my breath for a second
"Elara," I call again.
My fingers graze her forehead. But I retreat the same instance like a live wire touched me. The cursed surges—fur ripples under my skin, threatening to split me open. I grit my teeth as my canines sharpen.
"No…" I rush to the door, kicking it open.
"Alpha." I hear Velora's voice behind me.
I ignore her.
Outside the room, in the hallway, I feel the insane heat building up in me like fire is set in my house.
The effect of the curse is showing up again, and that human must have triggered it? How is that even possible?
And the effects have come up in her presence, and in the presence of Velora. I hate for anyone to see me in the current state.
I hate losing control of myself.
"Cassian?" Lyra's voice pulls my attention as she walks through the hallway to the spot I stand. "Your body… it came again…"
I breathe through clenched teeth, doing a difficult task of nodding.
"And I'd thought Alaric said it shouldn't come by this time… or the human triggered it?"
I can't say for sure, but I can tell there are more things about her being human.
I shake my head, just a grunt.
Her palms come closer to my left jaw. I flinch. And she stares at her palms, and then at my face. Her palms come close again, but I pull her back.
"I… maybe I shouldn't touch you," she says, forcing a slight smile on her face that barely lasts up to a second. "You should come to my room then…"
"No… not now."
"Why?" Her eyes melt. "You always did… especially in this state…"
I no longer have the longing to, and the human's scent must have caused it, but how is that supposed to affect my connection with Lyra who has been a long time lover?
Or maybe I am simply not in the right state.
"Cassian?" Her fingers brush my chest, her touch like a brand.
I recoil before I can stop myself. Her breath hitches.
"Why?" Her voice cracks. "Do you suddenly resent me?"
Her fingers trail across my chest like they used to, but the warmth is gone. I recoil. Her breath stutters.
My sweaty palms rub against my trousers. "I'll meet Alaric."
***
I'm on the mattress as Alaric lights more candles and pours the oil already mixed with herbs on my body so that the room takes the same scent of herbs as the room Elara has been made to stay.
That human.
It's like a change has started because of her, but I can't get a grasp of it.
"Time," Alaric says, sitting on the chair beside the bed. "It's ticking, and each second that passes you're closer to ending this curse."
I nod.
He sighs. "Cassian, you'll be fine."
I stay mute on the bed, facing the roof like I'm reading an important fact that only concerns the human.
"Cassian?" Alaric nudges me, a slight frown on his face. "You've any thoughts?"
"Is there a different way around this?"
"What… what way?"
"If there's a way to avoid going through the process with this human."
He leaves his seat, and stands beside the bed, looking at me, his arms clasped at his sides.
A minute passes before he says, "how come these thoughts?"
"It might cost her her life."
His frown deepens. "And does that matter?"
"It should matter."
I can't be sure of his question. Before we had her, all I thought was to set myself free, but in her presence… everything about her seems to have a different effect on me, like the process is against myself.
"She's human," he says, "and her essence is needed for your cure. Whether she survives or not shouldn't be a problem."
I shut my eyes, the burn in my chest gradually going faint. "Her scent… her voice speaks volumes."
"Things like that can happen, but it's nothing."
I shut my eyes, the burn in my chest already going faint. "Do you know her?"
"No? Or do you?" His eyes scrutinize me for almost a minute.
"Her scent… her eyes, even her voice seem to speak words I can't interpret."
"What about all this?" A slight frown appears on his face. "How's all that important?"
"She triggers memories of the past… concerning my late parents' death and that girl that escaped me. Her skin tone… everything is familiar, but she isn't her."
Alaric sighs. "All those aren't important."
"But they could be." My voice raises a bit above normal, but drops the same instant. "What if she ends up dying?"
"Curing your curse is more important." He walks to the door. "You aren't acting your usual self."
"Alaric…" My right arm stretches towards him. "If there's a different way."
"Cassian." He shakes his head. "There isn't."
The bang of the door follows after.
Silence creeps in, but it amplifies every tiny bit of sound around me. It makes the clock sound like a giant bell, ringing at the same rhythm as my heart. Even my hands falling to the mattress is like a heavy brick hitting the floor with a thud.
It isn't just the silence, but that human, the thoughts about her.
"Elara." I whisper through the fog.
Again, fur tempts to grow out of my skin, but the oil on my skin suppresses it. My teeth almost turn into fangs.
The curse… even at just a call of her name?
I kick against the candles, and get a bit of relief in the darkness that follows, but my eyes seem to form her picture like a piece of art.
Again, the pain seems to have gone low. The room is covered in silence except for the ticking of the clock that still continues.
I hear a knock.
"Cassian." Alaric pushes the door open. "It's time."
I nod. No questions asked. I step outside with just trousers, exposing my bare chest.
The Moonlight brightens the night, and has made it look like the morning hours. The pack elders are standing under this light, and have Elara with them, her hands tied together, but her feet kept loose.
The look on her face hasn't changed.
"Please… don't…"
"Elara," I whisper a few steps from the spot she stands.
This time, I feel a different reaction on my skin that isn't the same as that of the curse, instead a scene I hate to reflect on.
My late parents' bodies lay on the floor with blood seeping out of their noses and ears, bolded in my mind. I stop, rubbing my palms like I can peel my skin off.
"Cassian?" Alaric comes closer. "Is it being triggered?"
I shake my head. I smell blood, but from my mind.
"You need a taste of her blood. Now is the perfect moment."
I nod, but don't move an extra step.
She has stopped pleading, just gazing at me like all she needs to do is ask questions before whatever I need to do.
Her eyes have stopped letting out tears. Her look… is it fear, the outcome of betrayal by her lover, or curiosity?
Nothing comes to mind.
"Cassian." Alaric's voice slices through my hesitation like a blade. "You have to."
I force myself forward, but the glint of her necklace snags my focus. I stare too long at it. Why do I feel like I've seen it?
"The moon won't linger for your doubt." Alaric is almost shouting.
With a lungful of breath, I touch her arms. She stays quiet, no pleading even though she knows this process might cost her life, except that look of curiosity.
My breath hitches.
Her scent of vanilla smoke, a soft sweetness that appears to be wrapped in shadow, comes between us, and pulls at my insides. It makes me stop, flooding my senses with the urge to touch her. And I do. My fingers graze her cheeks and feel its softness.
I withdraw my hand. Her face switches, but not enough for me to conclude a meaning. The same connection we had in the room creeps in and I fear it might trigger the curse. But it doesn't, except my fingers are hitching for another touch, vibrating.
Her fingers are also shaky.
"Mate?" I say in a whisper no one can hear as the word claws up my throat.
I turn to face the pack elders. "I'm not going on with this. Never."
Alaric gets to my side with a deep frown I can't discern to mean con
cern or something else. "What?"
I take my hand in Elara's and lock eyes with her. "Mate… She's my mate."