Luka stared at the glowing golden window floating in front of his swollen face.
[SSSSS-Class Ability: Infinite Harem]
Effect: All women you encounter will fall hopelessly in love with you. Resistance: None.]
His one good eye twitched.
His busted lip trembled.
"…This is a joke," Luka muttered. "This has to be a goddamn prank. The ugliest bastard alive gets the Infinite Harem skill? That's not a blessing. That's a death sentence!"
The carrot girl beside him gasped, clasping her hands together like she'd just witnessed a miracle.
"It's true… you're chosen by the gods! That's why I fell in love with you the moment I saw you!"
"Lady, you need glasses," Luka snapped, trying to shove her away. "Or brain surgery. Preferably both."
But she only pressed closer, batting her lashes at him like she was possessed.
Luka groaned and dragged himself to his feet. Every bone in his body screamed. His ribs were cracked, his jaw ached, and his entire face felt like mashed potatoes left in the sun too long. He looked less like a hero and more like something the village dog had dug up.
And yet, every single woman in the square was still staring at him like he was the most radiant man alive.
"This isn't a skill," Luka muttered under his breath as he limped away. "This is a damn curse."
Of course, the universe wasn't done torturing him.
"WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING, BASTARD?!"
A rock slammed into the back of Luka's head. He staggered forward with a yelp, blood trickling down his scalp.
He turned just in time to see the mob of men charging after him—pitchforks, hammers, wooden clubs, and even a frying pan.
"He stole our women!"
"Beat him down!"
"Kill the pervert!"
"Oh, come on!" Luka screamed. "THEY jumped on ME! I didn't even TOUCH them!"
The men didn't care.
What followed was a chase scene straight out of a nightmare.
Luka sprinted down the dirt road, flailing his arms, tripping over his own feet. The mob thundered behind him, shouting curses and hurling stones.
And, of course, the women followed too—though in a much different manner.
"Wait, darling, don't leave us behind!"
"Luka-sama, step on me!"
"Father of my children, come back!"
It was chaos. Pure, absurd chaos.
Ugly bastard Luka, chased by angry men on one side and lovesick women on the other.
He wheezed as he ran, lungs burning. "So this is my life now. Beaten by men, chased by women. Fantastic. Ten out of ten. I hate it here."
Eventually, Luka managed to duck into a side alley between two wooden houses. He pressed his back to the wall, gasping for breath. Sweat poured down his filthy face.
"Okay… okay, think. This ability… if every woman I meet falls for me, then…" His eyes widened. "Then the more women I meet, the bigger the problem gets. I can't even walk into a town without starting World War Three!"
He slumped against the wall, burying his face in his hands.
"…I just wanted to be reincarnated with a sword or magic. Something normal. Why couldn't I get Fireball? Or even Trash-Collection Skill? Anything but this harem crap!"
"Are you alright, stranger?"
Luka froze. Slowly, he turned his head.
A nun stood at the entrance of the alley, carrying a basket of bread. Her habit framed her gentle face, and she looked at him with genuine concern.
"No. No, no, no," Luka whispered, backing up. "Don't you dare. Don't you dare."
The nun's cheeks flushed. Her eyes sparkled. She clasped her hands to her chest.
"Oh merciful goddess… he's… beautiful."
"GODDAMN IT!" Luka screamed.
The nun dropped the bread, running to him with tears in her eyes. "Please, let me devote myself to you, my love! I'll give up my vows! I'll give up my faith! Just let me stay by your side!"
Luka smacked his forehead against the wall. "Yup. Definitely cursed."
Before he could run, a shadow loomed at the end of the alley.
It was the young adventurer who had punched him earlier. His knuckles were still bloodied, and his eyes burned with fury.
"There you are, bastard," the adventurer growled. "You think you can just steal our women and run?"
"I didn't steal anyone!" Luka shouted. "They're the ones stealing my sanity!"
The adventurer didn't listen. He raised his sword. "This time, I'll carve that ugly face right off your skull."
"Oh, for crying out loud," Luka muttered.
The adventurer lunged. Luka squealed like a pig and dove sideways, narrowly avoiding the blade. He scrambled to his feet, running out of the alley, the nun clinging to his arm and the adventurer chasing after him.
And then the mob saw him again.
"There he is!"
"Kill him!"
"No! Marry him!"
"Stay away from my daughter, you bastard!"
Luka's flight carried him out of the village and into the fields. His lungs burned, his legs ached, and his body screamed in pain with every step.
"Why me?" Luka panted as he ran. "Why do I get the world's most broken ability… in the world's ugliest body?!"
His foot caught on a rock. He tumbled forward, rolling through the grass until he landed face-first in a puddle of mud. He lay there for a moment, contemplating whether it was worth getting back up.
"…Maybe I should just stay here," he groaned into the mud. "Let the villagers kill me. Reincarnate me again. Maybe next time I'll come back as a tree."
But before he could wallow in self-pity, the golden window appeared again.
[Quest Unlocked: First Harem Member Acquired!]
Reward: +1 Affection Boost, +10 Reputation (Women Only).
"…You've got to be shitting me," Luka muttered, spitting out mud. "This damn system is actually tracking my harem count?!"
The window blinked again.
[Warning: Failing to grow your Harem may result in penalties.]
Luka froze. "Penalties? What kind of—"
Before he could finish, his ribs flared with pain so intense he collapsed.
[Penalty Activated: Physical Weakness x2 for 24 hours.]
"OH, COME ON!" Luka howled. "So not only do I get a cursed skill, but if I don't keep collecting women, the system literally kills me?!"
Luka lay there in the mud, broken and exhausted, as the mob drew closer.
This was his new life.
The ugliest bastard in existence. The strongest cheat skill imaginable. A harem that would never stop growing. And a world full of men who would never stop punching his face in.
"…I hate this place," Luka muttered, rolling onto his back.
The nun appeared above him, tears of devotion in her eyes. "I'll follow you forever, my beloved!"
The adventurer roared from behind her: "DIE, YOU BASTARD!"
And Luka just screamed.