Gorou Amamiya…[1]
Gorou Amamiya…
Gorou Amamiya…
The same two words keep circling in Akane's head as she is standing in the middle of her room.
Think, damn it, I know you can do it.
Where did I hear this name before?
I just can't remember it.
Were they just roleplaying?
Impossible, not with this tone, in this setting.
Why did Ruby say that to Aqua
"You are not Gorou Amamiya."
This could be a new lead to why Aqua feels like he needs to die.
I can't prove it, and I don't even know why I think it, but it has to be.
I looked at everything else. I spent days trying to find out why Aqua thinks he doesn't deserve happiness. But nothing ever made sense.
Unless… Maybe Aqua got some kind of condition. A condition I don't know about, maybe it is that Ai's death split his personality into two. One is Aqua Hoshino, and one is somebody else.
Akane lets herself fall backwards onto her bed.
But this wouldn't explain the survivor's guilt. I mean, sure, survivor's guilt can occur in children. And I also heard of cases where trauma can split your personality, but both together. The chance is just way too low.
Akane's head keeps going in circles, from thinking it could be some kind of weird roleplay Ruby and Aqua do when they're alone, to thinking they knew she was there and played a prank on her, just to go back to it being some psychotic disease Aqua has that Ruby doesn't want to entertain any longer.
In the end, she gives up; none of what she concluded has a likelihood that exceeds a single percent in her opinion.
She gets up from her bed and leaves her room, walking down the hall and then down the stairs to grab a glass of water..
She enters the dining room. Her mother is quietly sitting at the table, seemingly invested in something happening on her phone. She grabs a glass out of the cupboard before walking over to the sink and filling it up. Afterwards, she sits down at the dinner table, too.
"Is something wrong?"
Her mother, who now looks up from her phone, asks her, with genuine concern in her voice, concern Akane knows all too well.
Akane bites on her lower lip and crosses her arms in front of her chest while looking down.
"Not really, it's just… I need to find something out… and it feels like it is right in front of my eyes, but I'm still not able to figure it out, even though it is so important. You understand what I mean?"
Akane's mom turns her phone off and puts it to the side before speaking again.
"Do you want to tell me more details?"
Akane remains silent for a moment before talking.
"So you remember Aqua, right?-"
Akane's mom interrupts her.
"I remember him, isn't that the guy you got a crush on?"
Akane blushes lightly and turns her head away, now facing the wall.
"Don't interrupt me while talking. Okay?"
Akane waits a moment, but her mother does not reply, prompting her to turn back and continue.
"So anyway. I overheard a conversation between him and his sister, where she said that he isn't Gorou Amamiya. The thing is, I know that name, and I am certain knowing who it belongs to would lead me to understanding him better. But I just can't remember."
Akane's mother listened to her daughter with patience until she finished, after which she stayed silent for a moment before speaking.
"Should I be concerned? This sounds pretty obsessive… No, forget I said anything… I'm just happy that you're telling me what's going on in your life…It's almost like you're Watson, and I'm Holmes"
Akane dramatically gasps while a smile forms on her face.
"That's totally unfair, I have been on this case for so long and now you chime in and decide you can just be Holmes? I want to be Holmes."
Akane's mom smiles back at her while shaking her head.
"Not how this works, as long as your feet are under my desk I get to decide that."
Akane shoots a playful pout in her mom's direction.
"Not cool."
The demeanor of Akane's mom turns slightly more serious as she starts to think.
Mom: "Maybe this Gorou guy is some old friend or family member of his…"
Akane: "I'm pretty sure that Aqua has no family left, nor does he really have any friends except for a few, but these people are usually also my friends then, and none of them is named Gorou… Who would even name their child that nowadays? That name sounds ancient."
Akane's mom picks her phone back up while talking.
"Wow… He seems quite lonely to me… Make sure to take good care of him… Maybe we could google this name, a big shot in the industry or something…"
Akane's mom hands her phone over to Akane after unlocking it.
"Here, what was his name again? Gorou Amamiku or something?"
Akane doesn't look up from the screen as she replies.
"Gorou Amamiya. I thought about googling it, but I don't know the Kanji, I should also know every big shot of the industry too… I mean I am still an actress after all."
Akane hands the phone back to her mother while standing up.
"But I think I'll have to try googling now anyway… Thanks mom, I love you."
Akane hugs her mother tight, holding her for a few seconds. Akane's nostrils get flooded by the faint aroma of lavender as she buries her face in her mom's hair. Then she pulls back and quickly makes her way out of the room without saying another word.
Gorou Amamiya… Whoever you are… I will find you, and I will find out why Aqua acts the way he does… Even if it's the last thing I will do.
4th of January, 11:00 am, Kana's house
Kana's eyes shoot open as she hears soft knocks at her door. She hurriedly gets up and walks over to the door. Also, knocking against it once, to signal to the other person that she can hear them.
"Oh good you're awake... I hope I didn't wake you up."
It is unmistakably Ruby who is speaking on the other side of the door. But her voice is different from the other times she visited, Kana can't quite put it though.
"Anyways… Miyako is big mad at you. Your tweet was the first thing she saw this morning and she almost collapsed. She was talking about it being some PR nightmare."
Kana can hear Ruby sitting down, leaning against the door like she always does.
"I managed to calm her down a bit. Well it wasn't really me, but I like to think that I had at least some role in it."
Ruby makes a small break between her sentences for the first time today, hoping that maybe today Kana would finally chime in, but she continues when Kana remains silent.
"Like I said. I wasn't really the thing that calmed her down… and don't get me wrong, she is still mad… You should just look for yourself… The internet is on fire."
Kana can hear how Ruby hastily stands up from in front of the door.
"I have to go now though. I still have to do a few things before practice begins tomorrow. By the way, our new member, Keiko, she is totally awesome, you should come along and watch us."
With that, Kana can hear how Ruby walks down the hallway. Her steps sound faster and less in rhythm than the other times.
Kana, who was hovering with her hand above her doorknob, pulls it slowly away, continuing to stand still for a moment before returning to her bed and lying down.
Why was she acting so weird?
Maybe she's actually mad at me, too.
I mean, my irresponsible behavior probably made her mom's life way more difficult.
She told me I should check social media-
So that's the least I can do.
Kana slowly gets up from her bed again. Each step towards her PC feels worse than the last. She had actually never planned on logging back into her account, but she can't say no to Ruby, not after causing trouble for her.
When she tries to log in, her account details don't work. She tries a second and a third time before she is sure that something is wrong.
"Huh. They really threw me out of my account already… What else did I expect though?"
Kana whispers to herself as she creates a new account, pressing random buttons when it comes to selecting a username.
5 minutes passed between sitting down and finally being logged in. Her new feed is flooded by random stuff middle-aged men would watch. Fishing, cooking, hunting…
She presses on the search bar, typing in the name of her account to see what Ruby meant.
Both her post, as well as her account, were gone; she already expected this. et it still feels weird when she finally gets the confirmation.
Is this what Ruby wanted me to see?
Why would it be, though?
Out of spite?
No, Ruby isn't like that. She must mean something else.
So Kana presses back, and instead of on the search bar, she presses on *Trending* this time.
Her eyes widen as she looks at her screen. The top hashtag in Japan is #ArimaKana, followed by #JusticeForArima at number 4.
Her eyes widen even further as she presses on the hashtag, her screen flooding with posts. She starts to scroll through them.
'And that's what real courage looks like, telling your agency to F off and doing your own thing. #ArimaKana'
'No matter what's your religion, let's all pray to our Gods and wish #ArimaKana a swift recovery. Amen #Pray4Arima'
'Just a few minutes ago I didn't know who #ArimaKana was. After a quick google search I have to admit that I am devastated. To me she seems like a kind soul that doesn't deserve stuff like this happening to her (Not that anyone does). Anyways, what I want to say is, I'm totally one of her fans now if she ever returns.'
As she continues to read, a small but genuine smile starts to grow on her face.
'Am I the only one that thinks that this is completely fucked up? What has the world become that we just allow this to happen? #ArimaKana is still basically a child, this is so fucked. I hope they find the attacker fast #JusticeForArima'
A slight feeling of guilt mixes into her emotions, when she reads the posts that assume it was a crazy fan who attacked her.
'Hey you, if you're the guy that attacked #ArimaKana you better make sure to lock your doors and sleep with your eyes open… No matter what the judge says, imo you deserve the death penalty. #JusticeForArima'
Kana scrolls further down, reading post by post until she comes to a sudden halt. Her smile falters a little bit as she reads: "She totally got what was coming for her this is what you get for betraying @RubyKawaii @MEM-Cho and us #B-Komachi fans #Deserved #ArimaKana"
The pointer of her mouse hovers over the post for a moment, her room feeling terribly quiet as it does. After another moment, her eyes wander a bit downwards. 21 likes and 278 replies to his comment. Her smile reappears as she keeps on scrolling.
The post after is a meme, some people would see this as offensive or disrespectful towards Kana's situation, but Kana just lightly giggles as she sees it, her smile instantly returning.
She continues scrolling for a few more minutes, her smile growing as she spends less and less time on the hateful posts, until she eventually scrolls past them entirely, only focusing on the posts that give her courage. Then finally, after scrolling through hundreds of posts, she gets up, leaving her PC on and social media open.
She slowly marches over to the bathroom that's connected to her bedroom, walking up to her sink.
She's looking down at the white ceramic of her sink, her hands tightly gripping the sides of it for balance. Then she raises her head.
Her unkempt hair, which had lost any resemblance to a haircut, recoils back as she looks at her own reflection. It's the first time she sees herself ever since the incident with Kamiki.
The first look startles her a bit, seeing her former beauty tarnished by a cut running through her face, but she catches herself again a moment later.
That feels so weird…
Like, is that even me?
I can't even tell if I expected it to be bigger… Uglier…
…I think I did.
Maybe this is not beyond savior afterall.
Her eyes wander over her face, examining the scar intently before locking with their own reflection. She remains silent for a good minute, just staring at herself before quietly whispering.
"I'm far from finished."
[1] This is probably my favourite chapter up until now. Closely followed by Chapter 16 and Chapter 6