Aqua pauses for a moment, his lips touch the hard plastic of the neck, not sure what to do. After a moment, he places the bottle on his nightstand, still open as he reaches for his phone.[1]
The sudden light from his display blinds him momentarily before he can lower the brightness.
On the display, right next to the dozens of missed calls from Kana, a call and a single message from Akane, sent 3 hours ago.
Aqua wants to just lay his phone away again, but curiosity gets the better of him, so he hesitantly opens up the chat.
His expression falls even further as he starts reading.
Hey Aqua, I had this crazy thought: What if Aqua believes that now that it's over, he isn't needed anymore?
And to be honest, that thought scares me so much. It scares me because I know this feeling too, and how overwhelming it can be.
I occasionally think back to the day on which you saved me. My memories of it are vivid, but one thing I know is that I never truly wanted to die.
I was just so tired of feeling like my presence was making everyone else around me miserable.
Now I know how dumb my behavior was back then, but I also still know how real it felt to me. How I really thought there was no other way for me.
Look, I just don't want to lose you, and I'm certain that you don't really want to die either.
So please, if you ever feel lost or not needed, call me. 24 hours a day; seven days a week. I will be there for you whenever you need someone.
I know all of this might sound crazy to you, but you thinking I'm a bit crazy would be a trillion times better than losing you, while not having done anything to prevent it.
Stay safe, and sleep well,
Akane, Heart
Aqua finishes reading. His face remains mostly expressionless, yet, there are a few minor twiches running over it. His finger is by now hovering over the *call back* button, slightly shaking back and forth.
I don't know what is right or what's wrong anymore. Should I go through with it, or should I call Akane? Or maybe I should just go to bed and forget this ever happened-
Aqua's thoughts are cut short by a sudden voice, seemingly coming from the other end of his room.
"Are you seriously trying to kill yourself?"
Aqua lets his phone slip out of his hands, followed by a thud, indicating its impact on the floor. But Aqua doesn't check, instead he remains still, looking into his lap.
"Death would be mercy, which you do not deserve."
"Do you seriously think that killing Kamiki changed anything? You still were unable to save her."
Aqua looks slightly up, already dreading the sight he is about to see. The voice is familiar, maybe a bit too much so. He locks eyes with a shadowy figure standing right before him — There is no mouth on its face, yet Aqua thinks he can see it smiling at him. Before him is a sight he had already seen plenty of times before. It's his old self, still not satisfied.
"The sheer audacity it takes for you to even think about ending it all."
The voice continues to berate Aqua. Edging him closer and closer to his breaking point. It is going in loops, sometimes it is Gorou Amimiya, sometimes a younger version of himself, and some of them are figures he can't even name, if they're even human to begin with.
It seems to circle around him; the voices sound distant, yet Aqua knows they are right there, right in his own head. His own thoughts.
"ENOUGH. Why can't I finally die? There is nothing for me left to do. My purpose on this earth is fulfilled. What else do you want me to do? Nothing I ever do seems to improve anyone's situation."
The silence is broken by another voice, which sounds different from the shadowy voices. It sounds closer. The shadows begin to slowly fade away again, as the other voice comes closer. But not before saying one final thing.
"You know what needs to be done… Coward."
The grotesque figures disappear, and Aqua's sight turns normal again. His room is filled with utter and suffocating darkness. The only weak light coming from his digital clock and phone screen.
"Aqua? What do you mean finally die."
The voice is quiet, but definitely panicked. He leans slightly forward so he can see the ground in front of his bed. On the floor, lying with the display up, is his phone. On it displayed is an ongoing call; the time below it reads 1:15 minutes.
He swiftly picks it up as he realizes he must've called Akane by accident when he dropped his phone earlier. He quickly presses on his screen to end the call as soon as he gets the chance to do so.
Seconds later, his phone vibrates again. Once… twice… thrice… stop. A second later, it starts again. Once… Twice…
This time, Aqua reluctantly picks it up; he himself doesn't really know why exactly. It just felt better than letting Akane sit alone wit her fear.
"Aqua!"
Akane is breathing heavily on the other end of the call, all while the general quality of the call itself isn't great either; it sounds like Akane is standing inside of a wind turbine.
"Aqua. Talk to me."
Aqua still doesn't reply at first. Only after figuring out that the reason why the quality of the call is so bad is that she is probably running right now, does he talk.
"Akane, you got this wrong. You don't need to-"
He is cut off by Akane.
"No. I'm already on my way to your house. No discussion."
…
Aqua really wants to just hang up, but every time he hovers above the button, he hears her heavy breathing and just can't bring himself to do it.
Minutes pass by before Akane speaks again, her breathing is even heavier, and she needs to gasp for air between every other word. But the sound of wind rushing by has finally stopped.
"Aqua… I'm here… open the door."
He stays quiet for a moment before replying.
"...Alright."
He reluctantly gets up and silently walks through the house so as not to wake anybody up. He walks through the hallway, then down the stairs and through the kitchen. He stands still for a moment, hand hovering over the doorknob. Then he pulls the door open, cold air rushing into the house.
In front of him is Akane, her hair is all messy, and she is still wearing her blue striped pajamas; the red pair of slippers she wears is a horrible match.
She continues to stand outside the house. Frozen in place and her facial expression untelling, while her small figure slightly shaking.
"Why?"
Akane can only manage to bring out a single word before tears start to threaten flooding her eyes, prompting her to silently shift her gaze away.
After a moment, she catches herself again and steps into the house, closing the door behind her and grabbing Aqua's hand, starting to pull him along.
They silently head back upstairs and into Aqua's room. Only then does Akane let go of him.
She notices how his pants are still damp. Prompting her to walk over to his closet like it's her own and grab a pair of pants out of it, and hand them to him.
"Get out of those wet clothes… You'll get sick."
Akane turns around to not disturb his privacy while he changes. Only turning back around once she is sure he's fully clothed again.
"Do you want to tell me what's wrong now?"
She asks him with a caring voice as she sits down on the edge of his bed, petting the spot next to her to signal him to sit down too.
Aqua sits down, but he stays silent. He still hasn't said even a single word ever since her arrival.
"It's okay. You don't need to feel embarrassed about it. I, out of all people, would judge you the least for it… You know why."
Akane inches closer, placing her hand on his lap, starting to gently massage his upper thigh.
"I seem to help you a whole lot with your problems… What do you think? You know, next time when I need someone… will you be there for me, too?"
The room remains silent as Akane hopes for an answer. Eventually, she herself speaks again.
"Thanks for calling me, by the way. It couldn't have been easy."
A few moments of silence pass by before Aqua speaks.
"It was an accident… I didn't mean to call you."
Akane's hand stops moving for a second before resuming in the same tact as before.
"I don't think it was."
The room falls silent again for a moment before Aqua speaks.
"Believe whatever you want."
His words are monotone. But Akane doesn't care.
"...Then I choose to believe that you are a good person."
This time, Aqua's response comes out faster than the last, there's even a hint of emotion behind it.
"You can continue to believe that. It just won't make it easier for you."
Akane's eyes light up ever so slightly.
"Look, I don't want to have it easy then… Also I don't believe it, I know it."
Now, for the first time since they sat down on the bed, he moves again. His head turned slightly to the left, looking at her."
"Then tell me. How can I be good when all I cause is pain? I always hurt everybody around me."
Akane also tilts her head to the side, looking at Aqua.
"Everybody falls short… That's like totally normal… But if every human that ever caused harm to anybody else would… you know… then we as a race would've died millions of years ago…"
Akane gives Aqua a chance to respond, continuing once he remains silent.
"You want to know what really counts? It's your heart. You understand what I mean?… You can fall short as often as it takes, but as long as your intentions are good… as long as your intentions are good, you are good."
Aqua looks away again, lowering his head even more than before.
"That's easy for you to say. You don't have to carry all of this failure everywhere you go… I drugged my own sister… I killed a man… I traumatized Kana… And the worst part is. I can't even say that I wouldn't do it again. Even one of these would be enough to consider this…"
Akane looks down again, too, as her hand stops the movements. Staying quiet for a long moment before speaking.
"That's not entirely true… What if I told you Kana's injury wasn't your fault?"
Akane lowers her head further, a sudden wave of shame and guilt washing over her. Aqua, on the other hand, raises his head, turning it towards Akane, staring her down.
"What do you mean by that?"
His voice sounds sharper than before. Akane loudly swallows once before talking.
"Kamiki, He was only able to get to Kana because of me…"
Aqua remains silent for a moment, eventually turning his head away again, looking back at the wall in front of them.
"You are lying. You are just trying to make me feel less guilty about myself… It won't work though."
Akane's head falls even further as she starts speaking again.
"I wish that was it... Do you remember that green owl thing you found in Kamiki's penthouse? You know… the one right on his desk? The one that seemed so out of place... It felt familiar… Right?"
Akane falls silent for a moment, contemplating whether she should really do this. Then, concluding that it is too late to back out, so she continues — Not before quietly sighing though.
"That's because it's… It's identical to the one I put on your keychain… I also had one on Kana's… I planted it on her when she brushed past me, after we got back from Miura."
Aqua remains silent for a moment, recalling the moment he found the owl. How it felt familiar, but he couldn't quite place it. His face falls as he grabs both of Akane's shoulders with his hands, turning her upper body so she has to face him. Yet he stays silent while doing so, too overwhelmed to even speak.
He can barely see anything in the dark room, but he knows that Akane isn't looking away; she is staring right back at him as she speaks. Her eyes are burning with an intensity he has never before seen.
"I wish I could reverse time… And if I could swap places with her, I definitely would. She doesn't deserve this fate… But I would do it again… What now, Aqua… do I deserve death?"
Akane reaches out to her left, grabbing the still-open water bottle off of Aqua's nightstand before he can even react.
"Make your decision."
The room falls even quieter than before as Akane moves the neck of the bottle to her lips. Aqua's world seems to slow down as she does. She only stops mere centimeters before the water can flow down her throat.
Outside Aqua's window, a lone street lamp stands; its light flickers, and a low humming sound emanates from it, casting light and shadows all around. The light doesn't reach Aqua's window; instead, it's getting lost on the way there.
On Aqua's walls are mementos of simpler times, photos given to him by his friends depicting him alongside them, never fully present. He had always hated them; every time he looked at his walls, they made him doubt his own plan, yet he never took them down. He himself doesn't even know why.
There are even a few posters of Ai, motivational quotes like "Never lose hope", "Chase your dreams," or "The journey is the goal." He never took them down, nor did he tell Ruby how he felt about them. He was sure that she would take it the wrong way.
Downstairs is even quieter; you could probably hear a needle drop. The dishes from the day before were still in the sink, everybody was too busy with life to clean them away. Just the broken cup, which he placed on the counter, with such utter care, was slightly moved, barely noticeable, but enough to change everything.
"Put it down."
Aqua's voice breaks through the silence, his hands slump off her shoulders, and his head turns away.
"See? You don't really believe that something like this deserves the death penalty…"
Akane places the bottle back where she originally grabbed it from, but not before putting its lid back on.
"But this isn't over, if you ever decide to go back on it and kill yourself anyways-"
She falls silent for a moment. She doesn't want to go down this path, she strained from the threat up until now — She knows that this way she can make sure Aqua lives, she just fears that it could permanently strain their relationship.
"... Then I will go with you. For what I've done to Kana."
Aqua's head snaps to face Akane again.
"But why? Don't you want to live?"
Akane doesn't avert her gaze; instead, she glances right back, mirroring his intensity.
"Because we made a contract… I want to live… badly. Yet a contract is a contract, so from now on if you ever go through with it… Just know what you're taking my life too…"
Akane looks away, not able to keep up with the way he stares into her eyes. Instead, her eyes search through the room, looking for any excuse to finally end this situation, eventually landing on the digital clock standing on his desk. The time is 12:36 am.
"We should go to sleep now. Everything will be better tomorrow."
Akane lets herself fall back onto Aqua's bed — A big fake yawn following.
"You surely wouldn't want an innocent and young girl to be walking back home all alone at night. Right?"
Aqua continues to sit for a moment, then he quietly sighs as he lies down next to her. He is still dressed in the same hoodie he wore hours prior — At least his pants are dry, now.
Both of them climb under the blanket. Akane hesitates at first, fearing that she is pushing the boundaries, but eventually, when Aqua doesn't seem to mind it she follows his lead.
For a few awkward minutes, they keep their distance from each other, but after some time, they inch closer to each other, trying to escape from the freezing air inside Aqua's room.
All because Aqua had to insist on getting a single-person bed instead of a normal-sized one — It fits the room better, he said.
"Akane?"
Aqua's voice is quiet; by now, their limbs are lightly touching the others.
"You are going to tell Kana… She deserves to know."
Akane stays silent for a long moment before replying, her tone of voice matching his.
"You're right. She doesn't deserve being lied to."
The room stays silent for a while before Aqua speaks again.
"Akane, how can it be you are always-"
His sentence is cut short as he hears faint sobs coming from Akane. He can only listen to the darkness as all the built-up emotions that she kept in over the past 30 hours crash over her. The noise of it is paralyzing Aqua.
"It's okay… I think I understand. What you have been going through for the past few days, I mean…"
Aqua places his hand on Akane's. Now he is trying his best to mirror her earlier actions, consoling her.
"You can let it all out, I won't judge you for it either..."
Aqua's words only amplify her sobs; she's pressing her face against the pillow so as not to wake up the entire neighborhood.
"Stupid… You're so stupid… It was almost all for nothing."
Her voice is quiet, muffled by the pillow.
"You are right… I should not have treated your efforts like that… It was disrespectful and dumb…"
Akane doesn't reply anymore, instead continuing to quietly sob into the pillow. Each sob sending a pang of guilt through Aqua, who is still lightly going over the back of her hand with his.
The guilt different from the guilt he felt before, it is more calming, not swallowing. She sobs until her eyes are drained of any liquid, eventually falling asleep, probably hours later.
-End of Part 1-
[1] Last chapter of the arc. Sorry for it being so long, but splitting it into 2 or 3 would've felt very wrong. Read the author's note at after finishing the chapter if you want more information regarding 1. Romance, 2. Length of the project, 3. The dark topics and 4. Release schedule