Chapter 219: Haley's Little Trouble
"Good evening, my dear silly friends..." Howard walked in triumphantly, hand in hand with Bernadette. He had been planning to show off his new girlfriend to his friends until he saw Ron.
Then, he immediately nervously positioned himself in front of Bernadette: "Ah, Ron, you're back too? Um... I suddenly remembered there's a great Italian place around the corner. I've always wanted to take my dear girlfriend there. Let's..."
"Didn't you say you'd bring me to meet your friends, Howard?" Bernadette pulled Howard aside, looking puzzled.
"Okay, Rajesh, Sheldon, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend Bernadette," Howard winked at Ron. "You've already met Leonard, Penny, and Ron."
"Hey~" x3.
"I hope you don't mind if I bring my girlfriend along for dinner. I told her she could join us." Seeing that Bernadette remained calm after meeting Ron, Howard finally relaxed and continued showing off.
"Of course, the more the merrier."
"No, that's a false equation. More people doesn't equal more fun. If there were two thousand people in this apartment right now, would we be having fun? No, we'd suffocate." Sheldon's argumentative nature kicked in again.
"Come on, I'm starving. Let's just put all the food on the table and dig in." To prevent Sheldon from arguing further, Ron quickly stood up and invited Bernadette to sit down, giving Sheldon a stern look.
Sheldon could only mutter, "Why not just put your hands behind your back and have an eating contest?" as he walked toward the refrigerator.
Bernadette naturally walked over to the sofa and was about to sit down when everyone shouted, "No! No! No! Don't sit there!"
"What's wrong?!" Bernadette quickly stood up.
"Uh... you can't sit there," Penny said awkwardly, wringing her hands.
"Why?"
"Because that's Sheldon's spot."
"Can't he sit somewhere else?" Bernadette asked in confusion. Sheldon, who was by the refrigerator, immediately glared at her fiercely, but this time he didn't need to speak, as Penny had already started explaining for him.
"No, no, no, you see, in the winter, the distance from this position to the radiator is just right to keep him warm but not close enough to make him sweat."
"And in the summer, this spot catches the cross-breeze from the window over there. The angle here isn't directly facing the TV, so he can still talk to everyone, while not being so far off-center as to cause picture distortion."
Everyone was stunned by Penny's technical explanation. Even Ron couldn't help but marvel: "Tell me the truth, Penny, did someone switch your brain today?"
Only Sheldon looked at Penny with approval: "Wow, it appears you're not completely hopeless."
Starting with this friendly atmosphere, the meal was very pleasant, except that the ongoing shoe discussion between Penny and Bernadette made Sheldon uncomfortable, and Penny felt left out when Bernadette and Leonard talked about physics experiments.
Howard was jealous of Bernadette's interest in Leonard's physics experiments, and Ron's occasional texts from Hope, a girl who looked exactly like Bernadette, made him glance at Howard with an odd expression.
Other than that, dinner was quite harmonious.
Well, Ron himself was overwhelmed by the social complexities of the evening, so after dinner, he was the first to stand up. "I'm stuffed, and I have something else to do. I won't be back tonight, Leonard. You can crash at our place tonight."
Leonard nodded happily, thinking Ron was being a true friend.
Well, actually, the desire to help Leonard was only half of Ron's motivation. The other half was mainly because Hope had just sent him some photos of her gymnastics practice, in some very revealing outfits.
In American slang, this kind of attire is called "birthday suits." He was a little excited and rushed off to practice gymnastics, but he didn't expect it to last all night, and he didn't fall asleep until dawn.
Before falling asleep, Ron's last thought was: "I'm such a fitness enthusiast!"
But just when he thought he'd finally get some good sleep after a busy day of government work, he was woken by his phone again.
"Why can't you just turn off that damn phone?" Hope, also awakened by the ringing, mumbled.
"Because I'm a federal agent, I have to be ready for anything. Honey, can you pass me the phone?"
"Oh my god, you're not the only agent in the country. Can't you just not talk about work on the weekend?" Hope rolled over, half of her body on Ron, who immediately stood at attention.
"Of course, but this time it's not about work," Ron checked the number, hesitated, and pressed the answer button.
"Hi, Haley, long time no see."
It was Ron's cousin, Claire's eldest daughter, Haley Dunphy.
"Uncle Ron, how are you doing?"
Ron glanced at the alarm clock and sighed. "I'm guessing you're calling me at eight in the morning, not to check on my well-being, right? What's going on this time? Did you get busted for underage drinking and need me to post bail? Or did you rear-end your driving instructor again? Either way, I'm definitely telling your mom this time."
"No, Uncle Ron, I'm not in trouble this time. It's just a small matter. Can you please help me out for the sake of family?" Haley immediately put on her pitiful voice.
"I'll consider it. Tell me, what's going on this time?"
"I need to borrow some money, just to help out. I promise I'll get a job and pay you back later," Haley swore.
"Borrow money? How much?"
"Nine hundred dollars."
"What?" Ron frowned at the amount.
Nine hundred dollars might seem like pocket change to a wealthy man like Ron, but it was a significant sum for a high school student like Haley.
At that time, $900, not counting rent and other major expenses, could comfortably support an adult for a month, provided they didn't make any extravagant purchases.
"Or maybe you could just skip giving me Christmas or birthday gifts, and deduct the gift money for the next ten years?" Haley pleaded pitifully.
"Okay, I can help you, but at least you need to tell me why you need so much money. Why not ask Claire?" Ron threw on a robe and walked to the kitchen for a glass of water.
"Even though Claire is always tight with money, if it's a legitimate need, she'll definitely give it to you."
"Uh... can I not tell you?" Haley began to negotiate.
"If you don't tell me, there's no way I can help you."
Ron answered firmly. He didn't want to help Haley accomplish something questionable and end up getting blamed by Claire.
"Uh..." Haley gritted her teeth and finally made up her mind: "Okay, Uncle Ron, I can tell you, but can you please not tell my mother?"
"Of course." Ron agreed readily.
Wasn't it just about not telling Claire? What's so difficult about that? If the matter was serious, he could tell Phil. If Phil told Claire, then naturally it wouldn't count as him breaking his promise~
"It's like this," Haley hesitated and continued, "Some time ago, I wanted to get fake IDs for myself and my friends. I didn't get fake IDs to buy alcohol, we just wanted to go to clubs to see bands perform."
"Okay, then what?"
"Then I took their money and gave it to my classmate's cousin, but he ended up scamming us all."
"So what are you planning to do? Borrow money to pay back your friends first?"
Haley asked hopefully, "Yes, that's it, Uncle Ron, can you help me?"
"Absolutely not." Ron shook his head.
Haley was furious. "You're a liar! Ron! You clearly promised to lend me the money if I told you. How could you do this? You even deceived your own niece?"
"Listen, silly girl," Ron said, rubbing his temple, a little overwhelmed by Haley's outburst. "First, I never promised to lend you money just for telling me the story. Second, while I appreciate your willingness to pay back the money your friends were scammed out of, that's not how this works. Kid, you should call the police. They'll get the money back for you."
"But Mom's running for city council, and I can't have any negative publicity right now. I just want to get the $900 back without affecting her." Haley's voice got quieter. Ron heard Manny's voice in the background.
Haley seemed to be at home, but was it really okay to discuss this in front of others?
"I'm not lending you the money," Ron said firmly, causing Haley to whine, but he didn't finish his sentence: "But..."
"But what?" Haley's hope rekindled.
"But you can get the money back yourself."
"No way!" Haley yelled. "He's a con artist!"
"What if I come with you? Do you remember what your dear Uncle Ron does for a living?" Ron smirked. "Wait, I'll pick you up."
"Thanks, Uncle Ron!"
The annoyance of being woken up so early wasn't easily overcome, but how could he bear to lose his temper with his adorable little niece? Luckily, there was some timid little punk who could provide him with plenty of entertainment.
After Ron hung up, Hope began mourning for the poor scammer.
...
But unfortunately, while Haley was talking to Ron, she hadn't noticed that almost the entire family was standing behind her, listening to the whole conversation.
So, when Ron drove to the place Haley had specified, it wasn't Haley waiting for him, but the entire adult male Pritchett family, led by Jay.
"Hey, Uncle Jay, long time no see. So Haley isn't coming?"
"No, thank you for cleaning up her mess." Jay and Ron embraced. "But we still want to come and get justice for her ourselves."
"Whatever you want, he's just a punk," Ron said nonchalantly, not at all upset about having his entertainment stolen.
Of course he wasn't upset. Although he hadn't beaten anyone up in a while (not counting the time he buried Shaw in the dirt with homemade rockets), watching the old, weak, and anxious fight seemed more interesting than doing it himself.
Phil had a weak personality, Mitchell and Cam were neurotic partners. A weakling and someone overly dramatic fighting didn't seem very reliable at all. Of the four, the only one who seemed dependable was Jay.
Jay was already 65, which was considered elderly. In Ron's experience, people that age usually just watched their grandkids play sports for entertainment, but Jay was still so strong and healthy, married to a woman in her early thirties.
If it weren't for his age, he'd be the most formidable of the four men.
"What are you going to do?"
"Yeah, that's what I was going to ask. Do we have a plan?" Mitchell nervously rubbed his hands on his clothes.
Phil raised his hand. "I have a plan. If that little punk doesn't pay up, I'll show him what I'm made of!"
"What kind of plan is that?" Mitchell grew even more nervous. "I'll be visiting you in jail. You'll need serious bail money."
Jay didn't wait for him to finish, turning and heading toward the house. Mitchell barely dared to follow him.
"You haven't changed at all, Mitchell!" Ron scoffed.
Jay felt a little embarrassed to see his son so timid in front of Ron. He couldn't help but compare his own children with his sister Mary's kids. Frustrated, he couldn't help but want to vent his anger on the little jerk who had bullied his granddaughter.
"Knock, knock, knock!" Jay knocked on the door.
A malnourished-looking high school student opened the door. "What's up?"
"Are you Pete?"
"What do you want?"
"Do you know Haley Dunphy? You owe her $900, and we're here to collect it, understand?" Jay demanded fiercely.
"Oh, really? I've called her countless times, but her voicemail is always full," the high school scammer feigned surprise.
Frankly, this made Phil feel a little guilty, because that was truly Haley's style. "So, how are you going to make this right?"
"Wait a minute, I'll get you the money right now," the punk promised, returning to the room and closing the door.
The three men had just relaxed, and before they could celebrate, the scammer quietly climbed out the window, intending to slip away.
"In the end, I'll have to take action!" Ron reluctantly got up from the car, intending to give the punk a good beating as planned, but unexpectedly, Mitchell, who was standing next to him, suddenly rushed forward and tackled the scammer to the ground!
"I got him! I got him! Ron, did you see that? I did it! Don't ever call me weak again!"
"Congratulations, from today on you officially join the ranks of real men."
(End of chapter)
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