Chapter 89: Soft Kitty
"Who the hell are you?!" Arthur's eyes widened, his entire body tensing like a big cat ready to pounce. He was waiting for Ron to say one wrong word, then he'd kill him instantly, break out of the airport, and find another way to escape this mess.
"Easy there, partner. I mean you no harm. In fact, if anything, you should be saying thank you," Ron said with a knowing smile. He was really enjoying this little performance.
"Thank you?" Arthur immediately thought of the mysterious sniper who had helped him escape that morning. As if reading his mind, Ron nodded slightly, mimicking the motion of shouldering a rifle.
"BANG!"
An unknown sniper had appeared during his hit. No one else knew about this except him and Arthur. He hadn't even had time to report this other player to the company.
Normally, the first questions any regular person would ask in this situation would be "Who are you?" or "Why are you helping me?" But Arthur was different.
His first question was: "What do you want from me?"
"I'd like you to join my team."
"Sorry, I'm not looking to switch employers right now," Arthur said, his expression stone-cold. He was good at hiding his thoughts. "Actually, after this job, I'm planning to retire. You've got the wrong guy."
"Sure you don't want to hear my offer first?" Ron was slightly annoyed when Arthur shot him down before he could even make his pitch.
"No," Arthur replied firmly. "You know I'm a killer who works for money. If you offer too much, I might actually be tempted."
"Fair enough," Ron said, not pushing it. Instead, he stood up and handed Arthur a business card. "The offer stands if you change your mind."
Arthur, eager to get moving, pocketed Ron's card without even glancing at it. Ron watched this gesture, completely unbothered.
"You really think someone I've handpicked is going to slip away? I guarantee you'll be calling me soon."
"Before I go, let me give you some valuable intel," Ron said, in no hurry to leave. "Sometimes things aren't what they seem. Don't be too shocked if you run into someone you thought was dead."
After dropping that cryptic hint, Ron finally turned to leave. The moment he did, Arthur's attention was immediately caught by a figure across the terminal.
Ron followed Arthur's gaze to see a nondescript man in glasses and a cheap suit walking toward the departure gates, looking like any other business traveler.
Ron knew this was probably the partner who had faked his death to Arthur.
"Enjoy the reunion."
This time Ron actually left, but he was confident Arthur would be calling him very soon.
...
Even Penny, despite being thoroughly annoyed by Sheldon, had no choice but to take time off work to get him home. But Penny was about to learn just how naive she'd been.
How difficult is a sick Sheldon? The answer: more than ten times worse than regular Sheldon! Even Leonard, the ultimate people-pleaser, would have given up any chance of impressing Penny just to avoid dealing with Sheldon right now.
When Sheldon and Penny finally made it back to the apartment, Sheldon actually thanked her politely: "Thanks for bringing me home."
"No problem. I didn't really need to work today anyway."
"That's great!"
"Okay, Sheldon, feel better!" Penny waved frantically, desperate to escape. The last thirty minutes at the Cheesecake Factory had been the most torturous thirty minutes of her entire work life. All she wanted now was to rush back to her apartment and down a bottle of wine to see if it could erase this nightmare from her memory.
Penny swore to herself that if Sheldon didn't have a secret agent brother who could produce an entire armory at a moment's notice, she would have drowned him in the soup he'd ordered.
"Wait, where are you going?" Sheldon called out in panic. "You're just going to abandon me like this?"
"Sheldon, you're a grown man. Haven't you ever been sick before?"
"Of course I have, but someone has always taken care of me." Sheldon took the care of others completely for granted.
Now it was Penny's turn to be shocked. She couldn't believe that a man in his twenties had never lived independently: "Seriously? You've never been alone when you were sick?"
"Well, there was one time," Sheldon thought for a moment. "I was fifteen, and I was at MIT during their summer physics program."
"Summer camp?" Penny guessed.
"No, I was a visiting researcher." Sheldon's answer crushed her soul.
"The cafeteria food was more exotic than I expected, so I wasn't used to it and got food poisoning that night."
"Wasn't there anyone to help you?"
"Mom was with Dad at his bowling tournament in Reno. The dorm only had one janitor who barely spoke English. When I finally made him understand I was sick, he just said, 'You want Pepto-Bismol?'"
Penny stared at him: "And?"
"Based on what happened next, I think he misunderstood and thought I needed a completely different kind of... intestinal relief," Sheldon said evasively.
Sheldon's "tragic" story finally triggered Penny's maternal instincts, and she made the most foolish decision—even more foolish than bringing him home in the first place.
"Okay, sweetie, I'll take care of you. What do you need?"
Sheldon opened the door, ushered Penny inside, and waited until it was closed before speaking: "My mom usually gives me sponge baths when I'm sick."
It had to be said that Sheldon's emotional intelligence had actually improved after experiencing so much rejection.
Penny finally realized what she'd just gotten herself into, but she was already committed, so she could only lay down some ground rules: "I will absolutely NOT be giving you any sponge baths OR intestinal relief."
"Okay," Sheldon agreed, clearly disappointed.
...
So when Ron pushed open the door to Sheldon's apartment, planning to raid his refrigerator for some food, an off-key singing voice reached his ears.
"Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur~ Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr purr purr~"
It was Penny's voice.
Oh crap. Sheldon was home sick again!
He'd been so focused on recruiting Arthur that he'd completely forgotten there was a situation waiting for him at home.
Sheldon, who had been lying weakly in bed, immediately perked up: "Leonard, is that you?"
(End of Chapter)
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