Chapter 42: A Chance Encounter at the Bar
Ron had zero sympathy for drug dealers or the corrupt officials protecting them. They could all rot in hell for all he cared!
But before they took that one-way trip, squeezing every last dime out of them was what any smart businessman or savvy politician would do. That's what his mentor Francis had taught him, and Ron couldn't argue with the logic.
With that thought, Ron pulled up outside a run-down dive bar. This was Hector's usual hangout, and since Toretto had left town, Ron had taken over maintenance duties for his ride. But as soon as he parked, he spotted two familiar figures lurking around like they were casing the joint.
"Howard! Raj! What the hell are you two doing?!"
After surviving multiple shootouts, Ron figured nothing could shock him anymore. But seeing these two dressed like wannabe rebels nearly gave him whiplash.
Not only were they sporting dark eyeliner and hair that looked like they'd been living under a bridge, but their arms were completely covered in tattoos. Ron didn't know much about Hindu traditions, but he was pretty sure Orthodox Jewish law had some serious issues with body art. Had Howard completely lost his mind?
His mother would disown him on the spot.
Howard ignored Ron's stunned expression and waved casually. "Hey Ron! What brings you to our territory? You joining the 'Children of Darkness' scene?"
"What the hell are the 'Children of Darkness'?" Ron was baffled. "And aren't you two worried about getting grounded for life when your parents see you like this?"
Howard's face turned red. "I'm a grown man! I don't get grounded anymore!"
Raj immediately jumped in: "I don't think someone who still eats Lucky Charms in his twenties and makes his mom pick out the marshmallow pieces he doesn't like qualifies as a grown man."
Ron turned to the innocent-looking Indian guy. "I get why Howard's here trying to pick up goth chicks, but Raj, what's your excuse? You can barely order coffee from a female barista without hyperventilating."
"Actually, that's changed. Alcohol has been quite the game-changer for my social anxiety."
Raj looked smugly proud of himself, like he'd just discovered fire. Ron vaguely remembered this breakthrough happening around the time Raj's parents had set him up on that disastrous arranged date.
"Well, looks like I've missed some character development while I've been busy dodging bullets. You'll have to fill me in later. But seriously, tattoos? That's not exactly your brand, guys."
Howard tugged at his heavily inked arm with obvious pride. The entire tattoo design peeled up like a compression sleeve - it was completely fake.
"Check this out! It's called a tattoo sleeve. Ordered it off Amazon Prime. When I wear it, I'm a dark prince of the night, a mysterious bad boy who drives goth girls absolutely wild. But when I take it off, I'm still a respectable member of the synagogue. Raj got one too. Pretty genius, right?"
If there had been a hole in the floor, Ron would have gladly crawled into it rather than be seen with these two idiots.
Tattoo sleeves? They were basically wearing pantyhose on their arms!
"So your master plan is that women will sleep with you because you're wearing hosiery as accessories?" Ron buried his face in his hands, dying of secondhand embarrassment.
"Hey, I brought backup pairs in case the sleeves snag on jewelry or something. Want to try one on?"
"Do I look like I need fake tattoos to get laid?" Ron stared at the pantyhose Howard was offering him with pure disbelief.
"Well, no," Howard sheepishly stuffed the sleeves back in his jacket and started scanning the bar like a predator searching for prey.
Ron nursed his Budweiser half-heartedly. He'd just gotten a text from Hector saying work was keeping him away, and to just leave the car keys with the bartender. That meant he'd either be taking an Uber home or giving these two morons a ride.
"Dude! Ron! Check out two o'clock! Total hotties!"
Howard suddenly grabbed Ron's shoulder excitedly. Ron swatted the hand away and replied without even turning around, "You're delusional. In a bar full of emo kids and pale gamer types, how hot could they possibly be?"
"I'm serious! Raj can back me up!" Raj nodded enthusiastically.
"Trust me, Ron. One's a blonde bombshell with legs that go on for miles. The other one's pure sex appeal with curves that could stop traffic. Holy crap! I think I just saw the top button of her dress give up the fight against those incredible—"
Howard's excited babbling reminded Ron of his childhood neighbor Billy's rooster. Every morning after crowing, that bird strutted around like it personally summoned the sun.
But Howard's description had caught his attention. If business was off the table tonight, a little female companionship might be just the stress relief he needed. The pair he was describing sounded oddly familiar - Ron knew some friends who fit that exact description.
He turned around for a quick look, then immediately spun back and hunched over, trying to make himself invisible.
LA really was a small town. It was exactly who he thought - Caroline and Max.
Howard was practically drooling. "Oh my God, they're gorgeous. I'd give up bacon for a year just to spend one night with either of them. Raj, did you see the brunette?"
Seeing Howard's pathetic display, Ron smirked. "If you had any game whatsoever, maybe."
"Wait, you know her? Then I call dibs on the blonde! Ron, buddy, old pal, could you maybe introduce us? Just casually mention what great guys we are?"
Howard had picked up on Ron's tone and was already scheming to use him as a wingman.
"Sorry, but I've got history with the blonde too. Actually, I knew her before I met the brunette."
End of Chapter
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