Chapter 255: The Crude and Sharp-Tongued Radio Host
"Wouldn't that be intrusive?"
This strange atmosphere persisted until Chandler arrived. He instinctively quipped, then realized the awkwardness, winked at Chuck, and looked at Monica and Professor Alicia Harper.
"Ladies, if you don't mind, I need to speak with Chuck."
No one spoke.
Chuck came out.
Chandler followed, letting out a teasing sigh: "That was close!"
"What is it?"
Chuck, seemingly oblivious to being saved, asked bluntly.
"..."
Chandler was speechless.
He had simply acted as a friend, instinctively stepping in to help; what could it possibly be?
However, seeing Chuck's reaction, his playful and mischievous spirit reignited, and he began to speak seriously.
"I recently ran into an old classmate. It's been years, and she's even more beautiful now. But she has a boyfriend now. I have feelings for her, but I don't know what to do. I think no one understands this better than you, so I'm asking you."
"Of course, just stay away and pretend she doesn't exist,"
Chuck said.
"Really?"
Chandler had only asked casually, secretly teasing Chuck about the increasingly ambiguous relationship between him and Professor Alicia Harper, but he hadn't expected this answer.
"Is this old friend the one from fourth grade whose skirt you lifted in public, earning her the nickname 'Underpants Susie,' which she's held a grudge over for life, and who recently ran into you, pretended to go on a date, then tricked you into taking off your pants in the restaurant restroom, took all your clothes, and left you wearing only her underwear?"
Chuck looked at him.
"Obviously you've heard, huh? Bad news travels fast, good news stays local."
Chandler shuddered, a mix of self-deprecation and sarcasm in his voice. "That's right! It's her!"
"So my answer was correct,"
Chuck stated bluntly. "You should stay away from her. Otherwise, whether you keep lifting her skirt or she lifts yours, everyone else gets entertainment, and only you two get hurt."
"I disagree,"
Chandler retorted. "She seemed pretty happy about it, even told her boyfriend about it. That guy's a complete jerk! Have you ever listened to Max Henson on 99.9 FM?"
"I never listen to the radio,"
Chuck shook his head.
Although he could tolerate a certain amount of noise due to rigorous, self-disciplined training, he still intensely disliked it.
He certainly wouldn't listen to the radio while driving.
He always used that time to play chess with Anna.
Chandler was furious: "That guy and his crew spend all their time being sarcastic and making fun of other people's suffering! They're a complete gang of assholes!
Their character is garbage!
Actually, I don't care! I'm used to it, but Susie is different.
She might be happy now, but she'll be in a lot of pain after he hurts her!
And she's not good at forgetting pain!
Look at what happened in fourth grade, she still remembers it and holds a grudge!
Back then, I only developed a habit of using sarcasm to protect myself because of my parents' divorce; I didn't mean to hurt her.
And now she's told Max Henson about her revenge against me, and that very same night, this guy brought it up on the radio, not even bothering to hide any details to protect Susie.
He also mentioned his girlfriend's death from carbon monoxide poisoning last year.
A few days later, he was making fun of it on the radio.
Seeing Chuck looking at him, Chandler said self-deprecatingly, "Yes! If it were me, I might have done the same!
But I'm mostly just being self-deprecating!
Not maliciously sarcastic.
This was his deceased girlfriend!
His sarcastic remarks had no self-deprecation whatsoever, just vicious mockery.
This kind of guy shouldn't be hosting radio on 99.9 FM, he should be on 66.6!"
The number 666 is considered the mark of the beast in Western culture, associated with the devil.
"Since that's the case, just do what you want,"
Chuck said. "You're going to debut as a comedy star anyway. When it comes to sharp-tongued banter, who's more professional than you? You just need to shift your focus from yourself to him."
"I know,"
Chandler said with a wry smile. "Actually, it's not that difficult, especially after being around you for so long… it's even easier.
It's just that I'm not sure I should do it."
"Are you afraid that if you get used to it, you'll become one of those bastards?"
Chuck saw right through Chandler's thoughts.
"Won't I?"
Chandler looked at Chuck questioningly.
"You will,"
Chuck nodded. "He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. When you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you. Your concern is valid!"
"Then what should I do?"
Chandler, unusually, put aside his almost instinctive flippancy and asked seriously.
"Looks like you really like her."
Chuck looked at him. "Asking me about this is useless; I have no experience. You can ask Joey."
"I already asked,"
Chandler scoffed. "All he taught me was 'how you doing.' Apparently, after playing Dr. Drake Ramoray, his confidence in the power of that phrase has only grown."
"Do what you want,"
Chuck said. "If you can't even handle this, how will you ever become President?"
"I thought you could give me some good advice,"
Chandler retorted. "After all, you even managed to seduce Professor Alicia Harper, who's a married woman."
"First of all, I didn't seduce her."
Chuck bluntly corrected him: "Secondly, I haven't gotten her. She's still very weak and not suitable for intense activity. Finally, she's not your Susie, and her husband isn't that sarcastic radio host Max Henson.
Professor John Harper was aware of this situation and fully understood."
"…"
Chandler was dumbfounded, momentarily forgetting his own mess, and stammered, "Wh-what? What do you mean by being aware and fully understanding?"
"After experiencing this life-or-death crisis, Professor Alicia Harper is completely disappointed in her husband and wants to divorce him," Chuck said.
"But Professor John Harper is unwilling to accept this, preferring to welcome me rather than completely lose Professor Alicia Harper.
So this situation isn't suitable for you."
"It's indeed not suitable for me… but it sounds like something my parents would do!"
Chandler said, then couldn't help but laugh at himself: "If my parents had had the same attitude as Professor Harper and his wife, I might still have an intact family… well, it would just be a bit weird."
"No, you wouldn't."
Chuck shook his head: "You don't really think this abnormal relationship can continue, do you?"
"That's true."
Chandler looked at Chuck thoughtfully. "You have a severe case of OCD about cleanliness…"
Chuck didn't deny it.
The jokes about 'I'm not here to break up this family, I'm here to join it' were just jokes. How could he possibly accept such a twisted relationship?
He'd only truly understand things better after Professor Alicia Harper recovered and divorced Professor John Harper.
Chandler knew he was right the moment he saw it. He wanted to retort, 'People aren't machines,' but his eyes caught sight of the situation in the intensive care unit, and the words that came out were: "Has Monica lost her mind?"
In the intensive care unit, the two women who had been silent and awkward before were now chatting happily. The reason wasn't hard to guess; Monica, who had been quiet before, now seemed like a completely different person, so enthusiastic that one might mistake them for best friends.
"Strange?"
Chuck asked instead of answering.
"Not strange,"
Chandler said with a wry smile, "After all, I have issues too~"
His inability to stop making jokes was, in the eyes of any psychologist, a defense mechanism born from severe childhood trauma.
Key words: severe trauma!
How could that not be considered a mental issue?
After the conversation, Chuck and his group left Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital.
Soon after, everyone learned that young Howard had once again asked for help.
Even though everyone was stunned and then too tired to bother with young Howard, telling him to reset it himself, the ever-resilient young Howard, lacking Chuck's courage and composure, stubbornly refused to press the reset button.
After all, it concerned his manhood!
After all that trouble, Howard's cousin Ross had to go and help, taking him to Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital again.
This time, they couldn't hide it from Howard's mother, Mrs. Wolowitz. So the whole process consisted of Howard and his mother bickering and yelling at each other as they arrived at the hospital's emergency room late at night.
"Well, well, well."
It was the same security guard on duty, the same nurse on duty. This time, everyone came to watch again, familiar with the routine. The nurse sighed and picked up the intercom, saying, "That little guy who was held hostage by the alien mechanical hand is here again~"
"Hey!"
Little Howard immediately objected, "What about the code name? This isn't the first time!"
"You're right, it's not the first time."
The nurse on duty looked at the shameless little Howard in surprise, who dared to say such things, and said with a half-smile, "But that's because you never gave us a chance to input the code into the computer and update the roster for all the medical staff. You're too quick~"
"..."
Little Howard was speechless. Looking at the nurse on duty's muscular build and her completely unappealing face, his expression became even more distorted.
Because this was a phrase his fantasy lovers often said to him.
In those fantasy scenarios, they were frequently interrupted by his mother's yelling from outside. Between yelling exchanges, he would face his fantasy lover's teasing, which he could jokingly reply to with, "Who told me I like The Flash?"
But now he was facing the nurse on duty in reality, with a group of people watching and teasing him.
More importantly, the same phrase, now said by the nurse on duty, made him extremely worried that in future fantasies, this phrase would completely ruin his imagination.
Imagine: he was joking and laughing with his dream goddess, but in the blink of an eye, the goddess had been replaced by the nurse on duty… That would be horrifying!
Finally, amidst Mrs. Wolowitz and young Howard's yelling match, the nurse on duty went to call the doctor on duty, who took young Howard and his mechanical arm companion into the operating room. They finally used a cutting machine, completely disabling the mechanical arm.
"Could you bring me a coffee?"
As Howard Jr. was discharged from the hospital, clutching the mangled mechanical hand with a mixture of relief and mixed emotions, the on-duty nurse casually remarked, "Don't worry, I've updated the roster for all the medical staff. You can come back anytime now, it's fine."
Howard Jr. glared at her.
He would never appear here in this state again!
Never!!!
At least not tonight!
Dream on about getting coffee from him tonight!
A few days later.
Chuck received a call from Chandler, asking him to come over.
Monica's apartment.
When Chuck arrived, he saw his group of six friends surrounding a young couple, with Monica and the others comforting the young wife.
"Let me introduce you, this is Tim Willens, and this is his wife, Shelly,"
Chandler introduced them. "This is Detective Chuck!"
"Detective Chuck, you have to help us!"
The young wife, Shelly, cried, "Help us find my poor daughter, Jamie, she's only two years old... Waaah!"
She broke down as she spoke.
"How long has she been missing?"
Chuck asked. "Why didn't you seek help immediately?"
The United States has one of the highest crime rates in the developed world, and many major cities rival New York for the dubious title of "Crime Capital," "Modern Gotham," or "Sin City."
All sorts of crimes occur on a large scale every day.
Even for the most protected children in America, gun violence is a leading cause of death. Besides that, countless other cruel crimes against children are committed every moment.
Therefore, even Chuck can only help those who actively seek help, and those he knows and wants to help.
He can't help everyone.
Because he is only human with limited energy, not a superhero!
Of course, even a superhero who loves humanity wouldn't be able to stop all human evil.
"It's been 13 days."
The young husband, Tim Willens, said, forcing a smile. "Shelly took Jamie to the supermarket, put Jamie in the shopping cart, and in the blink of an eye, Jamie was gone.
Shelly called the police immediately, but it was useless; the police had no useful leads.
We live in Pittsburgh, a bit far from Princeton and New York, and we don't usually follow the news here, so we didn't know about you, Detective Chuck.
That's why we didn't contact you right away."
Although Detective Chuck's news was popular for a while, firstly, the spread of this kind of news is inherently limited, and secondly, the news cycle is even shorter, quickly being replaced by other trending stories.
So it's perfectly normal for people a bit removed from New York, who aren't so news-savvy, not to know about Detective Chuck.
"The only reason he knows you is because of that bastard radio host Max Henson!"
Chandler reminded him.
"Yes."
Tim cried out in anguish, "Losing our precious Jamie has been devastating for Shelly and me, especially as time goes by and hope dwindles.
Not everyone has a conscience and can understand our pain!
Max Henson is the most vicious of them all!
Not only did he not help, but he also spread rumors and mocked us on his radio show, saying… saying…"
Tim, the young husband and father, couldn't continue, overcome with grief.
His young wife, Shelly, cried out in anguish, and everyone could feel the couple's profound sorrow.
"Chuck, you have to help them!"
Monica and the others expressed their strong emotions.
"That bastard spread rumors that there was no mysterious kidnapper, but that Shelly killed Jamie,"
Chandler said, his usual sarcasm gone. "And Tim and Shelly only learned about you because they heard him mocking you and me on his show—that's how they found out about Detective Chuck, and they came to you for help through me."
"So did you kill your daughter Jamie?"
Chuck asked, looking at the heartbroken Shelly.
"Of course not!"
The young husband, Tim, was furious that Chuck would ask such a question, but he was quickly calmed down by Chandler and the others, who explained the reasoning behind it. They then understood that Chuck didn't distrust them, but rather needed to confirm it himself.
"No."
Although Shelly was also heartbroken, she was struck by Chuck's questioning method, so different from that of the police. Her maternal instincts made her forget her tears for a moment. She looked up, her eyes brimming with tears, and made a difficult effort to meet Chuck's gaze before giving her answer.
"Okay."
Chuck looked into Shelly's eyes for a few seconds, then nodded. "I'll take this case."
(End of Chapter)