The brocade tent adds fragrance to sleep, the golden censer replaces evening incense. I am too lazy to tie the lotus belt, and drag the jade skirt lazily. It is the peach and willow beauty, how can I bear the evening rain and morning clouds?
...
The cold, stern iron gate slowly closed behind me, marking the end of my days of isolation from freedom. The April sun seemed to greet a lonely and humble prisoner with mockery and scorn. For over 300 days, I had languished within these walls, unable to distinguish between day and night, like a messenger from hell. My physical pain had become numb, and my beating heart seemed to be playing a funeral hymn.
The surging blood still lingers, fueled by the lingering soul, the seething flames of hatred, and the sorrow of being human. Of course, the so-called pity is only worthy of self-repayment. There are no innocents in this world, and I, Zuo Jing, am a beast unworthy of humanity. All the infinite beauty God once bestowed upon me, I have destroyed with my own hands. The actions of my mother, Li Xuanshi, and my wife, Bai Ying, were merely the knife that cut my body and the hand that pushed me into the abyss. While abhorrent, they were nonetheless the perverse and sadistic love within me that annihilated my soul. It was my cowardice and the constraints of so-called morality and human ethics that extinguished my soul.
Love, I don't know where it came from, but it's ever-lasting! And to whom can I place my deep affection? Li Xuanshi? Perhaps twenty years ago, she was an impeccable mother, gentle, demure, and dignified. Her warmth was like a gentle spring breeze, refreshing and heartwarming. It is this exemplary beauty who has broken my heart! Bai Ying? My unparalleled wife, once hailed as a match made in heaven, a white jade beauty, has truly humiliated me the most!
Therefore, human love is always complex and difficult to find. Is the origin of good and evil a single thought? There is no love without reason, and even less hatred without reason. Even if there is, it may be self-righteousness, or it may be self-inflicted.
I have never denigrated the beauty of life, because it exists because it is real. I have never complained about the unfairness of life, because everyone has their own fate.
It's like me, with a well-to-do family and loving parents. At the tender age of sixteen, I showed my talent and was admitted to Peking University, creating a sensation and becoming a legend. I achieved great success at a young age, married the daughter of the Bai family, and became a beautiful woman. I was so proud of myself that I could see all the flowers in Chang'an in one day.
And how can one discern the secrets of nature? The past is like a dream, the past unbearable to look back upon. It is just as the poem goes: If only life could remain as it was when we first met, why would the autumn wind bring sorrow to the painted fan?
Dreams can only be beautiful in dreams. Once punctured, they are like bubbles, spreading ripples and leaving only bitterness! A fragmented life belongs to reality, and who can be blamed for a shattered fate?
??Jingjing! My precious son! A beautiful female voice, like the echo of a valley, penetrated my eardrums and sank into my heart. This familiar, incredibly kind, and gentle woman, even during the more than 300 days and nights behind bars, echoed repeatedly in my dreams. Of course, from the day I entered prison, my nights were filled with nothing but nightmares!
??Jingjing! Today's the day you're released from prison. Your Aunt Xu and I have come to pick you up! Looking up at the voice, I saw a graceful and elegant figure about three or four meters to my right, wrapped in a black silk cheongsam with red flowers, revealing a voluptuous figure. Her tall figure exuded a charming and sophisticated charm. She had naturally fair and delicate skin, and having come from a wealthy family over the years, she naturally invested in beauty maintenance.
Although it has been many years, seeing you again feels like yesterday! It's as if time hasn't passed for her. Her face is dignified and refined, her nose straight, her eyebrows dark black, her lips crimson, her eyes like spring water. Her whole being exudes a graceful charm. Though she speaks only gently, her every gesture seems perfectly timed. She evokes the feeling of admiring her from afar, never to be touched. Within this fleeting fascination, a captivating allure pervades. I simply want to take her home with me, riding the wind and bringing rain to Wushan. She's truly a beautiful woman who's been teasing the world, fallen into the human realm. Clearly forty-five or forty-six, at first glance, she looks like a young woman in her early thirties. This is my mother, Li Xuanshi.
She is as gorgeous as a peach or plum, but her heart is as vicious as a scorpion or a bee's tail. She is an angel; her beauty drives people crazy! She is a devil; her ruthlessness has long buried family affection!
And I, her own son, was cast into hell by her own hands, burned in the blazing flames of karma. My body is now riddled with holes, and my heart is ashen.
??Zuo Jing! Your mother and I are here to pick you up from prison. Why don't you get in the car first and talk while we're walking? The other beautiful woman to Li Xuanshi's left took a half-step forward with a smile. She casually gestured towards the Land Rover Range Rover parked not far behind them. Of course, I knew it was Li Xuanshi's personal vehicle. Naturally, my beloved wife, Bai Ying, had used it quite a bit over the years, and Hao Hu had secretly been her constant companion. Whenever Bai Ying secretly came to Haojiagou for a tryst with Lao Gou, this Land Rover was her preferred mode of transportation. Of course, these were all the findings of my investigation; Bai Ying and those thieves and whores in Haojiagou would never reveal them to me!
I was silent, my heart suddenly felt like a tide flooding back and a river surging, but my face didn't show any fluctuation. I glanced at Xu Lin casually and reached into my jacket pocket to pull out a pack of Baisha cigarettes. I opened the cigarette box, took out a cigarette, and lit it. The whole action was smooth and flowing, as if I had practiced it countless times. What's surprising is that in the decades before I went to prison, I rarely drank alcohol and never touched cigarettes. I only spent this one year in prison, and I was actually accompanied by Baisha. It is a kind of cigarette produced locally in Hunan, of inferior quality, with a bitter and pungent taste. Even if you have a lot of money, you can't buy Huazi or Jiuwu Zhizun cigarettes sold exclusively within the high walls. Prison is prison. Since it has deprived people of their freedom, why should they care about your feelings?
Li Xuanshi was slightly taken aback by my behavior. For a moment, she seemed unaccustomed to my transformation. Perhaps deep in her memory, I was her eldest son, a man of both character and academic excellence. His academic and career achievements, and even his subsequent marriage to Bai Ying, were all outstanding, a source of pride for her. He had always been gentle and respectful, always obedient to her every word and every suggestion. He had never been disobedient. And now, standing before her, her son, freshly released from prison, suddenly felt strange.
I observed quietly, and she didn't say anything or express her opinion for a while, nor did she show any displeasure at my smoking!
Xu Lin was surprised for a moment, and her fleeting expression was captured by me exactly!
??Zuo Jing! Wow! You've learned to smoke now! Great, that's great! Our Jing Jing is already handsome, and he looks even more manly with a cigarette between his legs and puffing away smoke! As she spoke, she hurried forward and reached out to take the canvas bag from my hand. It contained a few changes of clothes and some personal belongings from before my imprisonment, such as my wallet, bank cards, and other small items. I immediately stepped back as if by reflex, glancing at her while taking a deep breath of the Baisha cigarette in my hand. I slowly exhaled a puff of slightly bitter and acrid smoke, the lingering smoke mixing with the slightly dry air, hazy and shrouded, just like the past few years of my life!
???When the heart is weary, the tears have dried, yet this love is so hard to let go! My phone suddenly rang. I reached down and fished in my trouser pocket, pulling out a brand-new iPhone 4. The black paint gleamed brightly in the sunlight. My mother-in-law, Tong Jiahui, bought it for me yesterday when she visited me in prison. She said my old Nokia 8610 was worn out, and getting a new phone would give me a change of pace. It wouldn't remind me of the past, and it wouldn't bring back some of the bad memories.
She didn't mention this "thing," but I knew what she was talking about. That phone had hit Hao Laogou on the forehead before, so it wasn't something she could just forget about.
Before leaving, she casually took my Nokia, installed a SIM card for my new phone, and set the ringtone "New Unending Love." Perhaps this song had some kind of allusion, or perhaps she particularly liked it, but I didn't pursue the matter further.
She said, "Jingjing! Mom won't be picking you up from prison tomorrow because I don't want to use any emotional leverage to influence your inner balance. The road ahead is yours, and the choice is yours."
She sighed softly, her brows furrowed slightly, her expression rather sad, with a hint of loneliness and pity. Her tender gaze continued to rest on my face, as if to soothe the wounds that filled my body and mind with her eyes!
"Mom and your father-in-law will be waiting for you in Beijing, as long as you make the final decision. You must remember that the Bai and Tong families have always stood behind you. There are some things you need to clean up, and so do our Bai and Tong families. Jingjing! Your father-in-law and I will support any decision you make. This is our promise to you!"
Afterward, she left, leaving behind only a faint scent of mature womanhood in the small reception room. My mother-in-law was a high-ranking official, a powerful figure, upright and meticulous. She never used perfume or most cosmetics, always wearing a plain uniform, like a beautiful woman, far from the water!
My phone rang for a few seconds before I raised my hand to answer the call. Sometimes, you don't even need to check the caller ID; the person who's supposed to come will always come. Just like flowers bloom and wither, so too does life.
I just listened silently to the phone as a calm and peaceful voice rang out from the phone. It was a little soft and gentle, yet it made me feel calm involuntarily: "30 meters east, under the big locust tree, I'll wait for you!"
Beneath the eastern locust tree, a six-wheeled Hummer sat quietly. This model boasted a powerful and imposing appearance, bold yet not overly luxurious. A pure import, it was currently available in limited quantities abroad, and even more rare in China, standing out from the crowd and undeniably ostentatious. And this perfectly suited her personality!
If you only mention her name, Ye Qian, it might not be as familiar as thunderbolt, but that doesn't mean that few people in her circle have heard of it. If you also mention the nickname "Red Powder Rakshasa," two-thirds of the princes and princesses in the capital will tremble in fear and be intimidated!
Among China's top red families, they are unrivaled in terms of strength, status, and prestige! Despite their low profile, they bide their time, blending in with the crowd. They hear thunder in the silence, and see blossoms in the colorless. A top-tier family possesses a profound heritage, embracing all, yet constantly renewing itself! Their connections, both in the military and political arenas, are undeniably thriving.
Ye Qian, the youngest princess of the Ye family, was in her early 40s and belonged to the same generation as Li Xuanshi and my mother-in-law, Tong Jiahui. A senior official in the Special Service Bureau of the Ministry of State Security, she appeared before me in an outfit that shocked everyone.
A pink short windbreaker, ripped jeans, red canvas shoes, and especially a head of short straight black hair, with a pair of inky black Tyrannosaurus sunglasses on the bridge of her nose.
A young lady in her early forties, a prominent family leader, head of a powerful department. Such a stunning appearance, even though I knew her personality somewhat and had prepared myself for today's events, ultimately, I had to admit, I was defeated. But I couldn't help but laugh and cry, helpless!
Following my gaze, Li Xuanshi and Xu Lin were extremely surprised. They couldn't discern or guess the relationship between me and this mysterious woman. They didn't want to ask me directly, so they turned to stare at my face. Their expressions were filled with questions and curiosity, yet also hinted at a faint concern at this sudden situation.
Why should I care about their feelings? To me, the two women standing before me are just two women wearing hypocritical masks. Not only are their bodies filthy, but their souls are also filled with corruption and depravity. Yet, they constantly try to display their nobility, elegance, holiness, and dignity before others. It's all so ironic and ridiculous!
Little do they know that they have already become a group of soulless skins, nothing more than a skeleton in disguise!
As soon as the phone was disconnected, I started walking. Of course, I headed in the direction of Ye Qian. The polar opposites of the human heart represent two extremes. The bright side signifies happiness and freedom. The dark side portends decay and unbearableness.
I naturally choose the path of light, even though my heart is already scarred and about to fall into endless darkness. No matter what, even if there's still a breath left, when humans make a choice, they will resolutely make what they believe is the best decision. That is to yearn for light, because it represents hope!
Already numb to death, still yearn for light? I've been tasting the unbearable weight of life for the past few years. In the end, I can only temporarily suppress all the pain deep within my heart. I don't know how long I can keep it buried, or if it erupts, my personality will instantly split, and I'll become a walking corpse. But so what? Constant compromise and cowardice will only lead to your utter destruction and burial! Even those closest to you can humiliate, backstab, and ruthlessly spit on you. The onlookers around you can ridicule and despise you with even less psychological pressure. A certain status is merely a stimulant and a booster to satisfy their lustful desires! A certain status is merely a shield and a fig leaf for their indulgence! Even if their happiness is built on your suffering, so what? A merchant woman, unaware of the hatred of her country's demise, still sings the song of "Hou Ting Hua" across the river. Let alone "Hou Ting Hua," everything I have to offer has already been devoutly dedicated to Old Dog Hao! And I, a prisoner trapped in this prison, am nothing but a humble, weak, and cowardly coward! In their eyes, he was nothing more than a dog. Call him and he'd come, wave him away! Emotions were a joke, and bloodlines were nothing. Li Xuanshi had already given birth to Hao Laogou's bloodline. Besides Hao Xuan, she became pregnant with twins three years after their marriage. How could one Zuo family member stand up to three Haos? Furthermore, the Zuo family had practically vanished, utterly destroyed! If this emotional balance truly existed within her, it was destined to tilt completely in one direction!
Love is nothing more than a cover-up and a pretext. Once used, it's discarded with ease, like a soiled rag. Desire, perhaps, is the source of her yearning and pursuit! The vain desire for control, even bordering on obsessive possessiveness, has become a curse preventing her from realizing her dreams. She will slay any god who stands in her way, even the Buddha! Any obstacle to her success will be ruthlessly eradicated, regardless of the means or the sacrifice!
She was once a rose with thorns. But now, stained with blood, her delicate and beautiful appearance is clearly the flower of the other shore blooming in the depths of hell!
??Jingjing! What's going on? Li Xuanshi's tone was already tinged with slight annoyance. I, her eldest son, whom she had known for 20 years and knew intimately, had always been under her thumb. From a young age, I had been following the rules and striving for the goals she set, with no room for deviation. Her manners and schedules were all meticulously prepared templates. My success was her triumph, a glorious moment!
And now, I am so undisciplined, so cold, so indifferent, even so impertinent, that it makes her feel deeply frustrated and at a loss. What is going on? How could her good boy, her good son, suddenly disappear?
She concealed the tone of her voice very well, how could I, the most familiar stranger who had been with her for more than 20 years, not tell the difference?
I stopped for a moment and turned around slowly, but my eyes never met her stunningly beautiful face. I glanced down at my feet. The ground outside the high wall seemed to have a thin layer of dust. Although it was spring, a few ruts of varying depths and light, shallow footprints remained. Travelers came and went, regardless of their direction.
Just like the trajectory of life, some people fall into the dust, while others are even deeper in the quagmire. There is no consensus! Fate may be predetermined, and karma will eventually come!
??I was in prison, and in my free time I read some Buddhist scriptures. Buddhism says that life is plagued by eight sufferings: birth, old age, sickness, death, separation from loved ones, reunion with those we hate, the burning of the five elements, and the failure to obtain what we desire. All ordinary people suffer from these. The world is full of suffering, and life is impermanent. That's why a baby's first cry is a cry. No one is without suffering, and no one is without injustice!
My tone was surprisingly indifferent, my mind unusually at peace, as if I were asking for directions from two strangers I'd never met before. We were just passing by, so why bother being so persistent? And could I really treat Li Xuanshi and Xu Lin like strangers? The answer was no, and that was why I was suffering!
I took another step, heading towards Ye Qian. I ignored the calls from behind me to stay, even though they sounded sincere and heartfelt. I shook my head and uttered a few words softly, almost imperceptibly: "Heaven has its ways, and who can escape it?"
When I walked to Ye Qian, I felt like she was smiling at me: "Get in the car, let's go drink!" Unfortunately, facing her cool Tyrannosaurus sunglasses, I couldn't capture her real expression for a moment.
Ye Qian came up and gave me a bear hug, not caring about the pair of ferocious weapons on her chest that looked so impressive that they would be seen by any other woman. She actually reached out and pinched my face like an elder caring for a child, saying in a condescending manner, "Not bad! Although a bit of a gigolo, you did a good job! The old man said, if you come out and follow your mother again, you're destined to be a waste!"
Perhaps realizing her words were a bit off, she wasn't embarrassed, but simply let out a laugh, explaining the underlying meaning: "The old man's original words were about a hopeless case. I've tried to convey them to you in a more accessible and contemporary language, but I'm worried you might be too proud to accept them. This has really stumped me. I've been thinking so hard that several hairs have fallen out. Haha! If there's a hurdle, just jump over it. Why bother trying to commit suicide? Even if you get a big scar on your head, you can still be a brave man in eighteen years! Besides, you're already 28, it's time to wean yourself!"
I gave up resisting her unbridled language skills. Struggling was futile. I glared at her, opened the door, got in the passenger seat, and dumped my bag on the back seat.
I opened the car window and a gentle spring breeze brushed my face. There was a faint fragrance in the air, like a mixture of lilac and hibiscus flowers!
He habitually took out a Baisha cigarette and lit it. He adjusted his body to a comfortable position, leaned back on the soft and comfortable leather seat, and smoked silently!
Ye Qian quickly got into the driver's seat and smiled sweetly at me. Through the eyes of the Tyrannosaurus, I guessed this was the expression on my face. She bent down and gently fastened my seatbelt. I was distracted for a moment, but she had already started the car, stepped on the accelerator, and sped away!
Whether Li Xuanshi and Xu Lin's anxious calls echoed in my ears, I didn't care at that moment. But that didn't mean I had completely calmed down and could ignore everything. A resolute voice hidden deep within me told me I no longer had any room for melancholy. Now that the cause had been established, I could only quietly await the outcome.
I turned off my phone, closed the car window, and closed my eyes. Ye Qian was driving at lightning speed, and even with my eyes closed, I could still clearly sense the scenery outside the window disappearing like fleeting shadows.
The dream has not yet ended, we are no longer the same as we were yesterday. Mountains are high and rivers are long, we will meet again in the future!