CHAPTER 1
IN THE END, WE ONLY REMEMBER THE THINGS WE FAILED TO SAY.
AMBER
01
Christmas was approaching, and everyone was getting ready for gifts and get-togethers. Nothing excited me more than this time, but I think I was more interested in the night out with him at the time.
The guy I've been in love with for three years finally asked me out. My dream came true. I told my mom about the night out with him, and she seemed more excited than I was.
She took me to the mall to buy me a casual red dress. It wasn't anything amazing, but it was beautiful for the occasion.
It was my moment.
---
Do you want to know his name?
---
ARI
"Ari, don't you know who I am?" that mysterious voice asked me, but I kept my hands on my head, in severe pain.
"What did you give me?" I asked, trying to stay upright and put my hands on the wall.
I groaned at the pain. I quickly looked down at my hands. Damn! This must be a joke. Blood was oozing from them, and I started shaking my head.
It's a lie, it's a lie, it's a lie.
I lifted my head from the bench to look out the window. It was still raining, and lightning flashed across the sky. I was waiting for it to calm down.
My phone buzzed with notifications.
Dad: Stay at least until the storm is over. I'll come get you when it's over.
I agreed and put my phone back in my backpack.
---
"Will they come for you?" Jeff's voice surprised me, and I looked toward the door to see him smiling at me. I nodded, and he placed the bottle he was holding on my bench.
"Here, you need it more than I do."
I opened the bottle to take a sip. I was exhausted enough to try to fight him off. To tell the truth, he's not wrong. My physical appearance has been neglected these days.
The dreams keep coming, and I really try to forget them. Sometimes they're so realistic I can't tell if it's a dream or real.
What do dreams mean?
I can't say Liam had anything to do with it. They started happening long before I met him, and then... well, they continued, but nothing like what the dreams were like ever happened.
---
"Later, they want to wait for it to calm down," I said, directing my gaze toward the window and feeling Jeff's hand touch my shoulder.
"Are you still thinking about your dreams?" he asked me.
I nodded, to which he sighed and moved to a seat near me to place his hands on my bench.
"It used to be a day like this," I told him. I got up from my seat to avoid him and go to the door. "I know what you're going to say."
I left the living room and heard the sound of a chair scraping as I walked out into the hallway. At least he listens to me; the others look at me as if I'm losing my mind. Others look at me with pity, and my parents say I've stopped thinking about them because I'm going to get sick. If only they would disappear, it wouldn't be a problem anymore.
---
"Ari, why are you leaving me there?" Jeff asked, standing next to me, his gaze shifting back to me. "Don't you think it's too much?"
"Jeff, I can't control what dream I have," I said simply, to which he let out a sigh.
"I mean, you've been having them for months, and you can't even see who it is," he replied, referring to what I told him about how they happen.
I, in every dream, with blood, with pain, fear and a boy hurting me, said every time that I knew myself.
...Did I know him? But his face was blurry, preventing me from seeing who he was.
I felt chills run through my body. I should stop thinking. All I could think about were memories of unpleasant dreams.
---
"Let's drop the subject for now," I said.
I looked down the hallway, which had clear glass windows that let the rain through. Water was pooling in several places around the high school garden.
Within minutes of the start, flooding and accidents were already occurring in the city. The facilities were prepared for storms, so many students took no chances and stayed.
---
"Okay, let's hope the dreams go away and you don't take it seriously," Jeff replied, giving me a smile that I returned. "Let's go get something to eat."
He touched his belly, implying that he was starving.
"Okay," I replied, and he caught me off guard by the arm, pulling me by my sweater.
"Wait for me!" I protested, since we were practically running, and the students who were there were laughing as they watched us pass by.
---
"Why do you always do that in front of people?" I said before opening the cafeteria door.
Jeff held the door for him to pass.
"That makes girls think I'm dating you," he said, letting go of the door as he passed and standing up next to me.
"Jeff, if you don't want them to notice you, you can just reject them." I looked at him; he had his usual carefree expression. "I mean it. Don't get me into trouble with other girls."
"How clever, I hadn't thought of that," he said sarcastically, shaking his head. "There are girls who keep bothering me."
I rolled my eyes as I brought my gaze back to the front and saw Ian coming in our direction.
---
"I guess you'll keep avoiding him," Jeff said in my ear, causing me to back away by touching my ear.
He straightened up to face Ian and waved.
Damn! Seriously? I had to say hi to him? He knows damn well I turned him down.
Jeff wanted me to deal with the situation, but not this way.
The best thing for Ian is to stay away from me. He said he didn't have a problem with me and that we could still be friends. But it wouldn't be the same.
---
Jeff doesn't ignore it because they've been friends ever since they were classmates in their first semester. Although it's nothing new, everyone wants to be Jeff's friend.
She looks like Regina George from the movie Mean Girls.
He smiled, seeming happy. How weird? Well, that's not weird, it's good, I guess. He walked over to Jeff to say hello while I stood next to him, avoiding any eye contact.
I don't even know what I'm looking at specifically.
---
"I see you're still here," Ian said, greeting Jeff warmly.
"Yeah, I'll wait until the storm's over," Jeff replied. I can tell he likes me. He once said Ian didn't even ask him about his family.
According to him, almost every time someone approaches him, they want to know information about his family. It's like they're trying to take advantage of him.
For those who don't know, Jeff Brown, that last name says a lot around here, and well, they have a lot of money, but I can't say a specific amount, but he has a lot of zeros in his bank account.
---
"And you?" Ian spoke to me, and since I was too distracted to look at him at the moment, it took me a while to answer, and Jeff spoke first for me.
"So is she," Jeff answered for me. I could see a hint of surprise—bewilderment?—in Ian's expression. He gave a smile, though it wasn't genuine, to my eye.
"I have to go, I'm going to a garage," he said goodbye to Jeff, now avoiding my gaze, and continued on his way in the opposite direction.
I immediately noticed how he lost his smile and became serious.
---
"It helps you in situations like this, too," Jeff said, not noticing the change in Ian.
—But they'll end up thinking we're a couple—I answered, and he made a movement with his hand that didn't worry me, I reached into my back pocket to take out my wallet.
"I know, but sometimes it helps," Jeff commented, snatching my wallet from me.
"Hey!" I yelled, trying to reach Jeff's arm, which was useless given my height. He also placed my wallet much higher so I couldn't reach it.
"If you get in line first, I'll give it to you," he said before I could complain. He ran off at full speed, and I reacted quickly, trying to catch up with him.
[...]
I hate you.
Jeff's laughter was so loud throughout the cafeteria. I stopped to catch my breath and looked back at the line, where Jeff was teasing me with my wallet.
I approached him with a smile, and when I arrived, he gave me back my wallet.
"You won," I said with a smile.
"I always win," Jeff replied with a smile, and he got in line behind me.
He ordered a latte, and I ordered a hot chocolate. He paid for me and refused to give me his money back.
"Don't worry," he said, shrugging.
---
He took my arm and led me to a table near the window, where I could watch the rain. I liked the sound of the rain; it was soothing.
"Do you want to talk about what happened with Ian?" Jeff asked, and I was surprised he mentioned it.
"There's nothing to talk about," I said, and looked toward the window.
"Ari, I know you don't want to talk about this, but I think you should," Jeff insisted, and I turned to him.
"Why do you think I should?" I asked, and heand he looked at me seriously.
"Because I think it's affecting you more than you want to admit," he told me, and I was surprised by his insight.
"It's nothing," I said, shrugging.
"Ari, don't lie to me," Jeff said, looking at me intensely. "I know something's going on with you, and I want to help you."
I was touched by his concern, and I realized that maybe I should talk about what was happening.
"Okay," I said, taking a deep breath. "Let's talk about it."
Jeff nodded and gave me an encouraging smile. I felt grateful to have a friend like him, who was always willing to listen and help me.
"What happened to Ian?" Jeff asked, looking at me curiously.
"I don't know," I said, shrugging. "I just feel uncomfortable around him."
"Since when?" Jeff asked me, looking at me with interest.
"Since..." I paused, trying to find the right words. "Since he asked me out."
"So what happened?" Jeff asked, looking at me curiously.
"I told him no," I said, feeling a little uncomfortable remembering it.
"And then... well, after that, I just feel uncomfortable around him."
Jeff nodded, and gave me a sympathetic smile.
"I understand," he said. "But, Ari, you can't let someone make you feel uncomfortable. You have to confront them."
"I know," I said, feeling a little frustrated. "But it's hard."
Jeff put a hand on my shoulder, and looked at me seriously.
"Ari, you can do it," he told me. "You just need a little confidence."
I felt grateful for his support, and nodded.
"Thanks, Jeff," I said, smiling. "It means a lot to me."
"That's what friends are all about," he said, and let me go. "Now, how about we go get something to eat?"
I laughed, and nodded.
"Sounds perfect to me," I said, and smiled.
[...]
My phone rang with the special notification I'd set to identify people's messages. It was Camila, who sent me a link and then wrote: "Is it true?"
I didn't know what he meant until I opened the post. It was a post from Jeff and me, different photos of us together. "What the fuck? Who took those photos?" They were from different times.
To be honest, it looked like we were a couple, and all those situations were taken out of context. One of those photos was from recently, the two of us close up , chatting at the coffee shop.
I turned around, completely scared; everyone was in their own world, and no one looked suspicious, much less anyone who was known to both of us.
"Why are you looking like that? What's wrong?" Jeff asked, looking at me. I looked at him and simply handed him my phone so he could see for himself.
He put down his food to wipe his hands with his napkins and look at my phone; after a few seconds, his expression turned angry.
He stood up from his seat and, with the force with which he did so, he almost dropped the chair.
"Who posted this?" he said, asking the few people in the cafeteria.
People shook their heads, and others were confused because they didn't know what he meant.
"Why is that a lie?" said a boy who was sitting with two others at a table far from us.
His friends shook their heads, and he swore one of them was telling him to shut up.
"Excuse me?" I asked, standing up from my seat; it was clear they didn't think I'd say anything, judging by their shocked expressions.
I can't deny that this isn't the first time a rumor has surfaced about me and Jeff; he always defends himself; he's a good friend; then, clearly, he denies it. But people don't pick on me for that very reason, because no one wants to have Jeff as an enemy.
It's not like Jeff is giving them food, or money; it's just that they're people who somehow want to take advantage of him for their own benefit.
"It's clear they're a couple, but they always deny it," said the same boy, and one of his friends nodded in agreement.
So, I turned to look at Jeff, and we looked at each other at the same time with a smile.
"Really? How many times have we been told that?"
"I didn't ask their opinion; I asked who posted it," Jeff said. We walked over to them, and he left my phone with the post on his desk.
"I saw her," the boy replied, looking at Jeff without concern.
Then I burst out laughing.
"I can accuse you of taking photos without our knowledge," I told them as a threat,
trying to get them to at least say something.
The boys looked at me, and their expressions turned to concern; being seniors , we all took care not to get into trouble for college.
"Tell him, friend," one of the friends who never said a word insisted to the boy who was the only one who answered us.
"Who was it?" Jeff asked the boy, and he looked at him.
He shook his head.
"We didn't do it; it was a guy sitting at a table near you," he sighed and pointed at the table. From there, he had the same angle from which the photo was taken, but I remember that when I walked in, there was no one there.
"Who?" I asked.
I was confused. "Who wanted to spread a false rumor? What good would it do them?"
"You should pay more attention to your surroundings," he replied.
It made me have more doubts; I started thinking about the people they could have done it to.
"I'm asking you, who?" Jeff said, banging his fist on the table.
"Do you know who it was?" Jeff asked, and the boy nodded.
"Yes, the guy they sometimes hang out with," he said to reinforce the matter.
I looked at Jeff, who immediately looked down and was aggressively touching his hair; he lowered his hands from his head.
"Ian?" Jeff asked, his expression completely frozen; he didn't seem to expect it. Neither did I.
"Yes, the guy they sometimes hang out with," the boy confirmed, looking at us.
I took Jeff by the hand and led him out of the cafeteria. I led him to the stairs, and no one said a word until I reached him and sat him down on one of the steps.
"He did it out of jealousy," he said after just a few seconds and looked up.
"Sorry," I apologized; although this was still a rumor, no one posted things on social media, much less photos. Anyone could see it, including their parents.
I approached him, leaning in front of him, and opened my arms to try to get him to accept my hug.
"It's not your fault; he was the one who posted the photos," he said before approaching me and responding. "I didn't think he liked you that much."
He whispered close to my ear, which made me laugh because he said it as if he couldn't believe it; I moved away from him to stand up and look at him.
"I'm sorry to get you in trouble with your parents," I told him. I knew how worried he was about what they would say. He told me his father had told him not to get into trouble, since he would be away on a political campaign.
"Don't worry; they were already thinking about it anyway," he replied simply, and I went over to try to push him; he smiled again and gave a small laugh as he straightened his jacket.
"I'll talk to Ian," he said.
"What are you going to say to him?" I asked, even though it was pretty obvious.
I meant in what way, since when he gets angry, he doesn't act very mature.
"I'm going to congratulate him," he replied. I raised my fist, and he just covered his chest again; I quickly lowered my hand.
"Then you can hit me harder," I admitted, thinking it over.
He stood up from the stairs and took my hand; I quickly let go, bewildered.
"Can you do it alone?" he asked, crossing his arms.
"I did it because you were sad," I told him.
"Well, I still am," he said, taking my hand again; this time I didn't push him away.
I can see at first glance that Jeff isn't feeling bad about it; sometimes I don't ask him about his situations; the last thing I want is for him to be sadder; so the only thing I can do is cheer him up. I've tried several times to get him to talk, but it's no use; he keeps insisting he's fine.
"You know I'm here for you if anything," I said, still worried. I don't think he's one of those men who thinks crying isn't manly, but I know he won't because he keeps his emotions to himself.
"Ari, don't worry," he replied calmly.
I know he was hurt by Ian's betrayal, or well, I don't know what constitutes this situation, but it's clear he wanted to make him look bad. Maybe because he knew it would upset me and cause problems for him.
I'm sure Jeff could have told you something about his family and how difficult it is for him to cope.
They were good friends; Ian was also my friend, but I don't consider him that close.
He never expected him to do something like that to him. No one expected it.