I pressed my face to her chest.
And aren't you gonna take it off? she asked me.
I hesitated for a moment because I wanted to decide if I should trust her. Then, with a sigh, I spoke. If you want me to remove my mask that means I really, really trust you and you really really trust me? Do you? I asked Joyce, unsure of her reply.
Yes I do, and I love you too I really hope you can see that, Joyce said, assuring me.
Unmasking user, user emotional status: 0 percent, Jake said as he removed my mask and it fell off.
Johnson is beautiful, not gonna lie he really is. Under the smile he has deep within, that was his face. It was smooth without any blemish, no scar. Just snow white hair and his eyes were rainbow colored with a shade of transparent blue holding all the colors together. It was indeed the most beautiful or handsome face I have ever seen, Joyce said in her heart.
I did not know what she would say about my face but I expected it to be nothing more than that I was ugly. I sighed in my heart and asked, so what more questions do you have?
Well what did you do when you lost Bella? You never answered, Joyce asked again.
I was sad. At first not being able to save someone with the kind of ability I have I shouldn't be allowed to exist in this world, I said as I finally sat up, facing her.
Don't say that. You are a hero just like I am. Many people are alive because of what you did that day you beat Evolve, someone that threatened all of Texas. That's more than enough reason to be happy, Joyce said, trying to encourage me.
It's not. I don't want to be in a world where people are dying because of me. I move at the speed of light but yet I couldn't save someone. I know she might be a bully but she ain't a bad person. It's my fault. It's always my fault. I really didn't deserve to live at least, so instead of living I did what I had to do but I couldn't die no matter what. This stupid watch keeps me alive, I burst out in frustration.
What did you mean you tried to die too many times but your watch keeps you alive? Joyce asked in confusion.
I really don't know how but whatever I do that is lethal to me I tend to adapt to it because of this stupid device, I said, pointing to the watch.
I see. It's like a system then? Joyce said. But why and how did you try to kill yourself, were you depressed?
Of course hell yeah I was, but I didn't want anyone around me to know how depressed I was so I decided to leave without telling anyone not that they would care anyway, I paused and looked at her eyes before continuing.
I killed myself in many ways, fire, water, blades and most especially poison and corrosives. Literally take a stronger dose of poison. At first it killed me but I kept getting restarted if I died. A few minutes before I took the poison my body became resistant to the poison. At first I didn't know I could reset so I kept taking different types of poisonous substances, each with a higher level of toxicity, but I kept getting reset until my body adapted to it and I could no longer feel any pain of the poisoning and so I began to heal or reverse the effects of the poisoning. The system in me kept reversing its effects, I explained to Joyce with an emotionless expression. I really don't know why I can't die even if I want to, so I just reduced and sealed my abilities so I can grow weaker and die from it.
I see, Joyce said, adjusting her glasses and looking up at me. You say you want to die but you are still alive because you don't want to die. It's a complicated concept I presume even I don't understand it.
I know right? Nobody can... I was immediately cut off by a kiss on my lips.
I can't understand you Johnson. I am being honest but one thing I can tell you is that you shouldn't hate yourself and you should learn to lean on others. The strongest people are not those that can lift or destroy buildings in a single shot but those that stick together no matter what. Same is it with individuals. It doesn't matter how fast or how strong you become. You are weak if you don't have someone to lean on or fight for. And I believe you actually do have someone like that don't you? Joyce said, patting my hair.
Yeah I do, but I can't be of any use to them or anyone. Besides I am a worthless piece of shit anyways, I said as I rewore the mask on my face.
Why do you wear a mask John? Joyce asked with a glint of curiosity in her eyes.
Because I don't want anyone to know what I feel nor do I want self pity nor recognition. I just want to stay alone and die alone even though you say I should fight for someone. Who's gonna fight for me? I answered angrily as I stood up.
You think masking your emotions is the best way to live? Joyce asked.
I don't think you got a right to tell me how I should live or not. I don't matter to anyone not even you, I said in frustration as I went to my room and shut the door behind me.
You matter to me, you matter to everyone, why can't you see that, Joyce said, her voice cracking. Why do you stubbornly keep this immense hate for yourself? Joyce said as she walked away to her room as the light faded.