Deniz felt relieved that Harun was being so understanding. She also felt a genuine gratitude that he hadn't poisoned the dinner. The atmosphere had now shed its tension and had become a pleasant meeting between two friends.
"Thank you so much, Harun. It really felt good to talk with a friend," Deniz said sincerely.
Harun shrugged:
"I'm always here. You can direct your feelings over time," he said.
Deniz smiled:
"Actually, I think my feelings are foreign. I speak Turkish but they speak Japanese, I think. And I don't know that language," she said.
Harun was now laughing heartily. "Then I should be happy that my feelings know Turkish," he muttered.
Deniz answered with a laugh, "Yes, you should definitely be happy."
Harun, a bit hesitantly, posed a question.
"What about Captain Fatih? How are you getting along with him? You seemed very tense when you first arrived."
Deniz paused for a moment. When she heard Fatih's name, that familiar turmoil arose inside her again:
"Well... we had a bit of a communication problem at first. But it's better now," was all she could say.
Harun continued with a smile:
"Fatih is really a good commander. I was very impressed when I first met him. When he arrived here, we treated him very distantly because our previous commander was very problematic."
Deniz's eyes lit up:
"Really? How did you meet?"
"Well, it was a very funny situation. On his first day, we organized a perfunctory welcome dinner for him. But nobody was sincere. Everyone was sitting at the table as if they were forced to be there."
Deniz started laughing:
"I can imagine! How awful. So what did he do?"
"He did something very surprising. He stood up and said: 'Gentlemen, I don't want to force anyone to like me here. But we have to be a good team together. We're going to entrust our lives to each other. Some things stick in the mind with time and effort,' he said."
Deniz was waiting curiously, "And then?"
"Our guys were looking at the food without appetite. There's no custom of special cooking in the military. Even though it was a celebration, they had brought the food that was served at lunch. Naturally, we were turning up our noses. Then, he must have noticed our looks at the food, because he suddenly got up from the table and went to the kitchen... He called us to the military kitchen too."
Deniz's mouth had dropped open, excitedly:
"What did he do in the kitchen?" she asked.
"He cooked for us with his own hands! He was making spaghetti bolognese. But he was so clumsy while boiling the pasta that he almost set fire to the kitchen. We ran to help in a panic."
Deniz was laughing so hard tears were coming from her eyes:
"Seriously? Captain Fatih was cooking?"
"He's actually very bad at it!" Harun said with laughter. "But that night we all ate student-style pasta with lots of sauce together and really bonded. After that day, there wasn't anyone who didn't respect him. Just because our faces fell, he felt responsible for us and took on the task of cooking, something he didn't know how to do."
As Deniz listened to what Harun was telling her, there was only curiosity and a happy smile on her face. Why did everything about Fatih affect her so much? Why was learning different sides of this man so enjoyable?
"There were very interesting things after that too," Harun continued. "One day, one of our guys' father got sick. Fatih immediately gave him leave and even personally bought him a plane ticket. The man was almost crying from emotion."
Deniz's eyes were smiling. Was this man who seemed ice-cold from the outside actually using self-protection instincts? Was he normally such a sensitive-souled man?
"Wow... I never thought he'd be someone like that," she murmured.
Harun nodded in agreement. "He looks tough from the outside but he's actually very compassionate. He just has trouble showing his emotions."
Deniz really agreed with this statement. She continued listening to Harun with a smile.
After a while, dinner was over.
After Deniz put the last bite from her plate in her mouth, she leaned back:
"This is the first time I've eaten this much in a long time, I'm about to burst!"
Harun, laughing:
"Well, this is also the first time I've eaten with a woman with such an appetite," he said.
Deniz scrunched up her face and grinned:
"That's an insult to a woman, Lieutenant! If I killed you with this fork right now, I'd be justified."
Harun raised his hands, laughing:
"I surrender, I apologize!"
Now they were both laughing.
Harun, narrowing his eyes:
"But don't recover so quickly, this place has a künefe... I'm telling you, wow! You'll be very sorry if you leave without eating it," he said.
Deniz pursed her lips with a sad face:
"I'll seriously burst, but I'm also very curious. Then order one, let's share it," she said.
Harun immediately happily raised his hand and asked the waiter for künefe. Soon the künefe had taken its place on the table accompanied by Turkish coffee.
"They say one coffee has forty years of remembrance, I must document this immediately," Harun said and took out his phone and took a photo.
In the photo, Deniz was practically glowing with the beautiful small neckline of her black dress and pearl earrings. She clasped her arms together on the table and put on a warm smile on her face as her auburn hair spilled over her shoulders. Harun was also looking at the camera with a big smile on his handsome face.
Harun couldn't bring himself to just story this photo and added it as a post:
"A forty-year memory, to beautiful moments. @hazardeniz" he wrote.
Now desserts were being eaten at the table, but there was a place where this city's harsh winds were blowing.
Fatih had gone to his dormitory. First he had made himself a coffee, tried to read a book for a bit. But the scene he had seen from the window was still scratching at his brain. The image of Harun opening the car door and accompanying Deniz...
He grumbled angrily:
"Look at that woman, a full-time dating engineer! Is this woman going to keep meeting people?"
Then he stretched his legs out on the couch and threw the book aside. He crossed his arms over his chest with an angry facial expression. The sleeves of the military t-shirt clinging to him were practically wrapped around his biceps. Reading wasn't appealing at all right now.
He picked up his phone and scrolled a bit. But it was as if the universe was working against him out of spite. Deniz appeared before him with that beautiful smile. Harun who took the photo was also grinning from ear to ear.
Deniz's outfit caught his attention. Then his eyes drifted to a faint old memory. When she had come to their date at the pastry shop, Deniz had also worn a chic black dress. Her hair and makeup, unlike in this photo, had been exaggerated. But the purpose was clear - she had done such hair and makeup to scare Fatih off.
First he smiled, then when his brain comprehended, he clenched his jaw with anger:
"Apparently you have no intention of scaring Harun off!"
Then his eyes caught the caption: "A forty-year memory, to beautiful moments. @hazardeniz"
At that moment he got even angrier, now his jaw was grinding like a bone. He didn't even know she had Instagram. Curiously, he clicked on Deniz's profile and started scrolling.
It was as if everything Deniz had told him at breakfast that morning was coming alive before his eyes. An image from the project she worked on in Iraq, a huge construction site among the sands, then many photos of her traveling the world and Deniz's beautiful smile. And at the very end, a photo from the tiny balcony of her apartment in New York that she had told him about.
While seeing all these images, Deniz's voice was wandering in his ear. It was as if he was joyfully listening to the memories she had told him again.
But when he pressed the back button and the screen returned to the first image, the smile on his face vanished and his brows furrowed. Just seeing Harun and Deniz side by side squeezed his heart.
And for the first time, succumbing to his anger, he slammed his phone to the floor. As if wanting to calm down, he leaned his head against the couch and breathed.
"This can't go on like this," he muttered to himself. "What am I doing? Why do I care this much?"
He got up and walked toward the window. Darkness had fallen outside. In the distance, the city lights were twinkling. Deniz and Harun were there now, perhaps having a wonderful time.
A voice inside him said "Let her go." But his heart was screaming completely different things. He thought of that beautiful breakfast moment, Deniz's laughter, the smell of her hair, that sweet smile.
"I wish I could have said 'stop' to her that day," he thought. "I wish I could have said 'you're right but I don't care.'"
He picked up his phone from the floor. The screen was cracked but it still worked. For a moment he thought about messaging Deniz. He could ask "How's your evening going?" Or he could say "It's been a long time, shall we talk?"
But he didn't write. Because Deniz was right. They were work colleagues and shouldn't cross the lines. Besides, it was too late now. Deniz was showing interest in someone else.
He went out on the balcony to smoke. The cold wind caressed his face. The sky was full of stars. On nights like this he would normally find peace, but now he only felt loneliness.
In the distance, car headlights appeared. Were they bringing Deniz back? His heart raced. Maybe he could look out the window and see how the date went.
But he stopped himself.
What if it went well and I see that 'goodbye kiss' at the end of that first date, he thought.
Just thinking about another man's touch on Deniz's lips was practically making his brain throb.
Then he imagined his own touch on those lips. A kiss he left passionately on her wet lips. After pulling away from her lips, in front of his face were Deniz's beautiful eyes, sweet freckles, and auburn hair...
He startled himself and slapped himself hard on the cheek.
The last time he had fantasies like this, he was a high school teenager, and now he was getting really angry at himself for this state.
This was ridiculous. He should live his own life. He should respect Deniz's decisions.
But still, that night, he waited a long time by the window.
Why couldn't he control himself...