The morning sunlight sliced through the blinds as Jace reached for his mug, only to find a heavy manila envelope sitting on his doormat. The return address read Vent, Mallory & Crowley LLP in crisp, embossed lettering.
Patchwork's voice crackled in Jace's mind: Oh, look. They sent you a hug in the form of a lawsuit. How… thoughtful.
Riley appeared behind him, phone in hand. "What is it?"
Jace tore open the envelope. Inside was a packet of legal documents thicker than a stack of car manuals. He scanned the first page:
Vent, Mallory & Crowley LLP
v.
Jace Thorn
Count 1: Trespass to Chattels (Unauthorized Modification of Client Devices)
Count 2: Defamation Per Se (Injurious False Statements via Conference Phone)
Count 3: Misappropriation of Trade Secrets (Unauthorized Capture of Firm Communications)
Count 4: Violation of Computer Fraud and Abuse Act
Riley's jaw dropped. "They're accusing you of hacking, trespass, and defamation?"
Patchwork: They missed "creating unsolicited workplace theater." I demand a Count 5.
Jace ran a hand through his hair. "We have twenty-one days to respond or default."
Riley squared her shoulders. "We'll figure this out. First step: get a lawyer or—we do it ourselves."
Patchwork: Self-representation in federal court. What could go wrong?
---
Making Allies
They needed help. Riley dialed her college roommate, Carlos Delgado—now a public defender moonlighting in small civil matters.
Within an hour, Carlos was at the apartment, briefcase in hand, looking around at the toaster and the hammered-up corner loft setup.
Carlos smiled. "You two look like you discovered a body in the kitchen."
Riley slid the documents across the table. "Close. We got sued by a law firm for… everything. Trespass, defamation, hacking. The works."
Carlos flipped through the complaint. "They're throwing every claim possible. We need a strong Answer plus counterclaims: trespass, unlawful entry, illegal threats, maybe malicious prosecution."
Patchwork: See? He uses real words. You're welcome, dictionary.
Carlos tapped his pen on the table. "We draft an Answer denying each allegation—plead affirmative defenses like consent, truth, and lack of harm—and file counterclaims for assault (break-in), conversion (they stole your property during the 'inspection'), and abuse of process."
Jace blinked. "We… sue them back?"
Carlos grinned. "Absolutely. Let's remind them you're not the amateur they think you are."
---
Gathering Evidence
While Carlos drew the outline, Jace and Riley assembled the proof:
• Lock Breach Logs: Screenshots from the upgraded lock's panic-mode logs showing unauthorized override attempts at 11:59 p.m.
• Device Restoration Records: Emails from Sterling Vent confirming improvements and disclaimers that Jace was invited in.
• CCTV Excerpts: A grainy clip from the hallway camera showing two men in suits forcing the door.
• Client Testimonials: Handwritten notes from Bean Scene, Petal & Stem, and Caffè Allegro praising the upgrades.
Riley worked the spreadsheet. "These testimonials will counter any claim of 'harm.' They loved the truth-watermark copier more than their own coffee."
Patchwork: And soon, the world will love you more than coffee. But let's take it one lawsuit at a time.
---
Drafting the Answer
Carlos sat at Jace's laptop, dictating:
"Paragraph 1: Defendant admits working at the offices but denies unauthorized entry—Plaintiff's invitation was implied by Mr. Vent's express request…"
Jace typed.
Patchwork: Spell "trespass" with an "S," not a "Z." Otherwise you'll offend the literalists.
"Paragraph 2: Defendant denies defamation—statements were true, made in good faith, and with public interest privilege…"
Riley read over a testimonial aloud. "'Jace's enhancements reduced jams by 95% and boosted client confidence.' That'll do."
Carlos nodded. "Good. Now the counterclaims: assault—physical intrusion; conversion—temporary detention of property; declaratory judgment—validity of modifications."
Patchwork: Let's also add emotional distress damages. Because that toaster-punched you in the midsection of dignity.
Carlos looked amused. "Let's hold off on the emotional distress for now—unless you want them paying therapy fees."
---
Side Hustle: Quick Repair
By midday, the draft was shaping up, but Carlos had a meeting to attend. Jace and Riley needed funds for filing fees. Riley's phone buzzed: a neighbor's ring doorbell was glitching.
Riley to Jace: "Should we pick that up while Carlos deals with his docket?"
Jace shrugged. "Sure. Quick fix, cash in hand."
They walked down the hall. The neighbor explained the issue: the video feed kept freezing. Jace exchanged a few tools, tightened a wiring connector, and let Patchwork slip in a "buffered reload" routine that auto-refreshes the feed every thirty seconds.
Neighbor handed them $30 cash.
Patchwork: $5.10 added to Pending Taxes. Current total: $931.62.
Wealth: $4,150.75 → $4,180.75
---
Filing the Documents
Back at the apartment, Jace, Riley, and Carlos completed the final touches. The "Answer and Counterclaims" ran twenty-three pages. Carlos printed them out, along with the exhibits.
They drove to the courthouse, filing at the clerk's window. The fee: $50.
Jace handed over the money. "Didn't expect to pay to get sued."
Patchwork: Welcome to adulthood—where every inconvenience costs you a convenience fee.
They received a stamped copy: Case No. 24-CV-1132. Summons served. Answers due in twenty-one days.
---
Marla's Move
That afternoon, Riley's email pinged. An article from the city business journal: "Tech Repairman Sued by Top Law Firm", quoting anonymous firm sources about "gross misconduct."
Riley swore. "She's going public with it."
Jace squared his shoulders. "Great. Now let's show them how the truth watermark works."
Patchwork: And watch their faces when the PDFs start leaking.
---
Counteroffensive: Digital Disclosure
Carlos's phone call set the plan: Post a sanitized, redacted version of the incriminating offshore file on a secure site, invite journalists under embargo, then release it once the lawsuit is in motion.
Riley set up the site. Jace posted the document, embedding the truth watermark as invisible metadata.
Patchwork: Think of it as digital graffiti—only your paint never wears off.
They sent the embargoed link to three reporters. Within hours, inquiries started rolling in.
---
Wealth Check & New Lead
That evening, a text from the sandwich shop downstairs: "Your toaster at my counter is acting up—need a fix."
Jace smiled. Side hustle never sleeps.
He fixed the toaster's jam sensor, and Patchwork added a "crumb ejection" routine for easy cleanup.
The owner paid $25.
Patchwork: $4.25 added to Pending Taxes. Current total: $935.87.
Wealth: $4,180.75 → $4,205.75
---
Status Update
Technician: Jace Thorn
RP Total: 270
Wealth: $4,205.75
Pending Taxes: $935.87
---
Cliffhanger
Late that night, Jace's phone buzzed again: a news notification—"Exclusive: Offshore Accounts Exposed by Former Repairman". The article detailed the firm's shell corporations.
In Jace's mind, Patchwork's voice was almost gleeful: We've just set off the chain reaction. Buckle up, host — you're about to see fireworks.
Riley placed a hand on his shoulder. "Ready for the courthouse tomorrow?"
Jace inhaled. "More than ever."
---
The morning after the offshore accounts story dropped, Jace woke to the sound of his phone vibrating itself off the nightstand.
Riley was already scrolling through her own feed. "You're trending."
Patchwork's voice slid into Jace's head like a smug cat into a sunbeam. Congratulations, you've achieved the modern American dream: you're famous for all the wrong reasons.
Jace squinted at the screen. Headlines screamed back at him:
"Repairman or Rogue Hacker? Local Business Owner at Center of Legal Firestorm"
"From Toasters to Trade Secrets: The Curious Case of Jace Thorn"
"Law Firm Alleges Sabotage, Insider Leaks"
Riley read aloud from one article. "'Sources close to the firm describe Thorn as a "loose cannon" with a dangerous knack for infiltrating secure systems.'"
Patchwork: Loose cannon? Please. You're more like a confused garden hose — unpredictable, occasionally useful, and mostly just spraying everywhere.
---
The Calls
By 9 a.m., Jace's voicemail was full: reporters, curious customers, one guy offering to "help hide the bodies" for a fee.
Patchwork: Finally, someone offering a service you actually need.
Riley set her phone down. "We need to get ahead of this."
Jace rubbed his temples. "We also need to pay quarterly taxes before the end of the week."
Patchwork: Ah yes, the government's favorite subscription service. Pay now, get nothing in return except the warm glow of civic duty.
---
The Tax Hit
Jace pulled up his ledger. Pending Taxes: $935.87. Wealth: $4,205.75.
He sighed, transferring the amount to the IRS.
Wealth: $4,205.75 → $3,269.88
Pending Taxes: reset to $0.00
Patchwork: There it goes — your hard‑earned cash, off to fund potholes you'll never drive over and paperwork no one will read.
Riley patted his arm. "At least we're square for the quarter."
Patchwork: Square, broke — tomato, tomahto.
---
The Backlash
By midday, the story had spread beyond local outlets. A national tech blog ran a piece titled: "DIY Repairman Exposes Law Firm's Offshore Secrets — Hero or Hacker?"
The comments section was a warzone. Half the posters called Jace a whistleblower. The other half wanted him in prison.
Patchwork: You've achieved perfect polarization. If you start selling merch, make sure it comes in both "Free Jace" and "Jail Jace" editions.
---
The Customer Drop‑Off
Two scheduled repair jobs canceled within an hour. One café owner emailed: "We can't risk the publicity right now."
Riley frowned. "We're going to take a hit."
Patchwork: On the bright side, fewer jobs means fewer opportunities for you to accidentally install a lie detector in someone's blender.
---
The Unexpected Ally
At 3 p.m., Sterling Vent called. "You're getting hammered in the press. But some of my clients are impressed. They like a man who can dig."
Patchwork: Translation: they want to hire you to do the same thing to their enemies.
Sterling continued, "I can send a couple of referrals your way — off‑the‑books work. Pays well."
Jace hesitated. "We'll think about it."
---
The Side Job
That evening, a regular from the market stopped by with a busted portable speaker. "Figured you could use some good press from a happy customer."
Jace replaced the blown driver, and Patchwork added a "find my speaker" chirp feature.
Payment: $45 cash.
Patchwork: $7.65 added to Pending Taxes. Current total: $7.65.
Wealth: $3,269.88 → $3,314.88
Patchwork: See? Not everyone thinks you're the Antichrist of Appliances.
---
The Closing Beat
As the sun set, Riley sat beside Jace on the couch, scrolling through yet another article.
"They're not going to let this go," she said.
Patchwork: Neither are we. You've poked the bear, host. Now it's time to decide if you're going to run… or teach it tricks.
Jace stared at the headlines, the IRS receipt still open on his laptop. "I think it's time we stop reacting and start controlling the story."
Patchwork's chuckle was low and sharp. Now you're speaking my language.
---
Status Update
Technician: Jace Thorn
RP Total: 270
Wealth: $3,314.88
Pending Taxes: $7.65