I always thought paranoia was for people who wore tin foil hats and screamed at pigeons.
Turns out, pigeons can be spies. Especially when they have glowing red eyes and drop off suspicious coupons at your doorstep.
I unlocked the store, yawning, and was immediately met by Mirae waving a stack of weird coupons in my face.
"They were taped to the door."
I blinked at the top one:
"50% OFF BETRAYAL - LIMITED TIME ONLY"
"...That's... not even a product."
Mirae sighed, crumpling them.
"It's intimidation."
The goblins disagreed.
"COUPON COMPETITION? WE ACCEPT!"
Then they sprinted outside, yelling war cries and trying to hand the fake coupons to pedestrians.
Great. Just what I needed. My loyal employees handing out enemy propaganda.
By lunchtime, the weirdness had tripled.
Mirae found a crystal orb wedged behind the cereal boxes. (It blinked when I waved at it, then shattered itself.)
Spicy pointed at the ceiling, shouted "PEEPER!" and sneezed fire at what turned out to be a disguised mimic pretending to be a smoke detector.
A "customer" walked in, ordered nothing, then tried to sneak into the backroom before Mirae threw him out by his collar.
Even Dungeon popped into the store mid-afternoon, arms crossed.
"...They're watching you."
"Yeah, no kidding" I muttered. "One of them just tried to shoplift my mop."
The restaurant wasn't safe either. Mirae was frying dumplings when she froze.
A shadow flickered across the wall.
"Someone just phased through the window."
I spun around, ready to call the cops, but by the time I got outside there was no one there, just a trail of muddy footprints leading straight into the alley.
The goblins followed the tracks and returned with a soggy boot and matching grins.
"Boss! We caught part of spy!"
"...Part?"
They shrugged. "Other part ran away."
I decided not to ask.
Late that evening, as I was counting receipts, an envelope slid under the store door.
I picked it up, frowning at the wax seal. It wasn't from the conference, it was black, stamped with a rune that looked uncomfortably like a skull.
Mirae leaned over my shoulder.
"...Don't open that."
Of course, I opened it.
Inside was a single note:
"Close your shop or we'll close it for you."
My stomach twisted.
The goblins read it, screamed dramatically, then immediately started painting "WAR TIME" across the front window in ketchup.
That night, I stood outside the shop, staring at the moonlight reflecting off the glass. Mirae stood beside me, arms folded, eyes sharp. Spicy sat on my head like a hat, occasionally burping sparks.
And Dungeon appeared last, his expression uncharacteristically serious.
"It begins" he said quietly. "The rivals aren't just watching anymore. They're testing the waters."
I swallowed hard. "And if I fail the test?"
Dungeon gave me a long look.
"...You won't have a shop to fail in."
The goblins, from inside, pressed their faces against the glass, holding up another painted sign:
"WE DIE FOR DISCOUNTS."
...Great. Truly comforting.