The soft click of the door was barely audible as Li Hao stepped back into his room.
He had just finished ordering some late-night food from Gang Zi.
The dimly lit room was quiet, except for the gentle hum of the air conditioning. His gaze immediately fell upon the king-sized bed, where Yu Han lay sprawled, sound asleep.
Yu Han looked utterly peaceful, his features relaxed, a slight pout on his lips. His breathing was deep and even, a picture of pure, comfortable slumber. Li Hao felt a pang in his chest – a mix of adoring tenderness and a deep, aching frustration.
He walked over to the bed and sat down carefully on the edge, the mattress dipping slightly under his weight. His eyes swept over Yu Han's tranquil face, then drifted to the bedside table.
There they were, visible even in the dim light: the small, discreet package of condoms and the tube of lubricant he had bought only hours ago. A heavy sigh escaped Li Hao's lips.
"What about these, huh?" he murmured to himself, his voice barely a whisper against the quiet. "What good are they now?"
He had bought them with a fierce, almost desperate hope, a burning desire he'd been fighting for years.
Tonight, with Yu Han intoxicated and vulnerable, it had felt like the moment. But seeing Yu Han now, so utterly unconscious, so innocent in his sleep, Li Hao knew he couldn't. He just couldn't.
"Maybe it's good, Li Hao," he thought, running a hand through his own hair,"really, maybe it's good that he slept. For us. For him." He couldn't take such a huge, irreversible step when Yu Han wasn't fully conscious, fully aware of what was happening.
"Earlier, those touches, those fevered kisses… they had been real, yes, but I knew in my gut they were fueled by alcohol and whatever other lingering effects from the club. It was the drug and alcohol kick, making Yu Han respond, making him lean into my embrace."
"And I can't defile him," Li Hao whispered, the words heavy with a strange kind of reverence. "He's too pure for me. Too… innocent. I can't take advantage of him, not like this."
The thought twisted in his stomach, a sharp jab of guilt and self-loathing at even contemplating it.
"I wanted Yu Han, yes, more than I had ever wanted anyone, but not like this. Not if Yu Han wouldn't remember it, not if he couldn't truly consent."
Carefully, Li Hao reached out and gently caressed Yu Han's forehead, brushing away a stray lock of hair. He leaned in, placing a soft, feather-light kiss there. The warmth of Yu Han's skin was intoxicating.
He then gently maneuvered Yu Han, turning him so he faced Li Hao. Li Hao took Yu Han's hand, so soft and slender, and placed it on his own waist, then wrapped his arms around Yu Han's waist, pulling him closer.
His eyes never left Yu Han's face, tracing every curve, every shadow.
"I've been with so many women, had sex countless times, kissed endlessly..." Li Hao's mind drifted back through a lifetime of casual encounters, of physical relationships that meant nothing beyond the moment.
"But only for him, why can't I force myself to act? Why can't I just take what I want like I always do?" A profound sense of helplessness washed over him. "What did you do to me, Yu Han? You've changed everything."
He hugged Yu Han tighter, burying his face in Yu Han's shoulder. The scent of Yu Han filled his nostrils – a clean, fresh aroma that reminded him of standing in nature, a gentle breeze filling his soul, offering a comfort he never knew he craved. It was a smell that promised peace, a home he hadn't realized he was searching for.
"Yu Han," he mumbled incoherently into Yu Han's ear, his voice thick with emotion, "Could you stay with me… forever?"
He didn't expect an answer, of course. His lips brushed Yu Han's earlobe as he murmured, "Yeah, I know you won't answer me... Good night, baby."
Li Hao then placed a soft, gentle kiss on Yu Han's lips, savoring the brief, tender contact.
He finally pulled back, leaned against the plush headboard, and reached for the pack of cigarettes on the nightstand.
He lit one, the small flare of the lighter briefly illuminating the room, then took a long, slow drag, watching Yu Han sleep. The smoke curled around him, a silent companion to his turbulent thoughts.
Suddenly, his phone, lying on the bed beside him, vibrated and rang with a piercing, high-pitched tune.
Li Hao flinched, startled, his heart leaping into his throat. His immediate fear was that the sound would wake Yu Han. He lunged for the phone, silencing it with a frantic tap.
But it was too late.
Yu Han stirred, a soft groan escaping his lips, and his eyelids cracked open, revealing hazy, confused eyes.
Li Hao immediately leaned over, gently stroking Yu Han's hair and patting his shoulder. "It's nothing, Yu Han, it's nothing," he murmured soothingly, his voice soft and reassuring.
"Just go back to sleep. Everything's fine."
His continuous, gentle patting, combined with the comforting warmth of his hand, worked like a lullaby. Yu Han's eyes fluttered once more, then slowly, heavily, closed again. His breathing deepened, settling back into the rhythm of deep sleep.
After ensuring Yu Han was truly asleep again, Li Hao finally turned his fierce gaze to the phone screen. It was Gang Zi.
Annoyance flared within him. He slid off the bed, careful not to disturb Yu Han, and strode towards the balcony doors, pulling one open just enough to step outside. The cool night air hit him, a welcome contrast to the warmth inside.
He answered the call, his voice sharp, "Gang Zi, when will you stop irritating me, huh? What's wrong? Why are you calling me this late?"
On the other end, Gang Zi's voice sounded on the verge of crying. "Mr. Li, a few minutes earlier, you ordered me to buy you food. And now you are scolding me!"
Li Hao frowned, then remembered. "Ohh... I forgot. Just leave that on the counter outside. I'll eat later."
"But Mr. Li," Gang Zi started to say, clearly about to complain about the cold or waiting, but Li Hao cut him off.
"I'll book a room for you at our company's hotel right now. Spend your night there, don't dawdle around in this cold. Just don't disturb me anymore."
A bright, sudden smile covered Gang Zi's face, even though Li Hao couldn't see it. He could hear it in the sudden cheerfulness of his voice as he practically shouted, "You are great, Mr. Li! I love you!"
Goosebumps erupted all over Li Hao's body. He pulled the phone away from his ear in disgust.
"Ugh!" He immediately hung up the call, an irritated grimace on his face.
"Ughh... this man."
He took another drag from his cigarette, shaking his head. Some people were just too much. He looked back into the room at Yu Han's sleeping form, a softer, more complicated expression returning to his face.